SWR- My mom's long term BF said and I quote "I don't mind her"!

And stop pretending like we are this great loving family, we are not. The point is, i don't want him to be involved in any aspect of our wedding, i don't want him there. I don't consider him a step father, i don't even consider him a friend and my mom knows how i feel. I know there must be some ladies here who have had to invite people they did not like or want at their wedding, question is, how did you deal with it?

With a big smile and knowing that you are being the bigger person!

Yes I have to invite someone I don't really want to invite but his my moms ride so he has to come.

I am in the same situation kinda. I hate my moms boyfried of like 20 years, I don't live with them as I live with my FH but I am not inviteing him to the wedding. I have already told my mom that she is invited but if he were to show up it would be a problem and I would get my way because it is my wedding. My mom knows how I feel as I don't go to her house ever she comes to see me because I can't stand to even look at him. I have acted like he doesn't exist for 15 years so there will be no invited him.

Tabitha- Wow similar, they have been together for 19 years but have only just starting living together in the past 4. I cringe at the thought of him and eat upstairs in my bedroom so I don't have to sit through awkward forced conversations at dinner. He is a bigot and a drunk and does not treat my mom the way she deserves at all. It didn't cause any drama not inviting him? I guess he must know how you feel, I still live with him so unfortunately I have to be civil and not show my true feelings...

Yuck. I feel the same exact way about my brother in laws. 2 however will not be showing up, thankfully. But 1 of them will. He truly is the devil. I will just be avoiding him and say hello once.

Laura and Leena you ae both better people than I. There is no way I would even beable to say hi to my mom's boyfriend. And no not invited him didn't cause any problems because everyone around know how I feel about him.

Yes, we are inviting a few people that I would prefer not to invite. My situation is not at the same but I can relate to having to invite someone you don't want to invite. As hard as it can be, I think you just have to remember to focus on the people that truly love and care about you and want to be a part of your special day, and not wasting your time caring about the person that isn't really there for you. Just don't let him bring you down This day is about you and your fh!

Terrible!! I dislike my mom's boyfriend as well, but I don't live with them. I am sending her wedding invitation addressed to my mother and "guest". She knows I don't like him, and I don't trust him as far as I can throw him. He will not be in any wedding pictures and I have no issues telling my mom this as he is not a part of our family. It sucks but it is what it is. It's our day. I'm making it clear that if my mom wants him there, SHE is inviting him, but my FH and I are not.

Future Mrs. S said exactly what I was thinking! There are a few people that will be at mine (like FBIL and his gf who blocked me on FB for who knows what!). I plan on smiling, saying thanks for coming and then moving on to focus on the people there that love me and want to share in the joy of the day with me. Since you live with him and it's your mom's choice to stay with him then I think you should invite him. Put yourself in her shoes......what if she didn't like your FH and invited you to a family gathering but said you couldn't bring him? I'm not trying to say you should have to invite people that you don't like........but it's your mom's bf. Just tell her that while he can attend, he will NOT be a part of anything. No pictures, no toasts, not mentioned during the ceremony, etc. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I'm sure you can't wait to move out!

I have the same issue with my step mother. She has never liked me since I was a child and for no reason whatsoever. She has called me white trash, and made racist comments knowing my children are mixed and my FH is Latin. It is no secret in our family how she feels about me and most of my family feel the same about her. Unfortunately I don't have the heart to exclude her from the invite, for my dad's sake, however I am planning on having a conversation with my father and telling him that she will be invited, but if he has the slightest incling that she is less than thrilled about coming than she is more than welcome to stay home. I do not want him making her come to "save face" when everyone knows what is really going on. Besides that she always makes him leave family events early and sits in the corner with a dirty look on her face the whole time she is at an event. Big NOT WORTH IT.

I did it. It was my SIL. She made a giant a$$ of herself at our wedding but I did not let it bother me. Other people saw it and well what's done is done. As of now there is no longer a relationship between her and DH. The best advice I can give is to just pretend he's not there. That's exactly what I did. Not only her but her "cronie" too. They both made a$$es of themselves and in the end they are the ones who look ignorant not myself or my Dh. We did the right thing and invited them (though if you want honesty I wish we didn't) and they stayed true to form and showed exactly what type of ignorance they are.

It might be "wrong" but I actually didn't speak to a lot of that side of the room at all at our wedding except to say thank you for coming as we released the pews in the church. I refused to let them ruin our day/night. I don't feel the slightest bit bad about it either. We did not do "family" photos either.

I'm kinda blunt and ok, harsh, when it comes to family drama like this, but sometimes you gotta be. Have you talked with your mom about how you don't want him at the wedding? She may have a good idea of how to handle it, especially since she noticed the problem too and is on board with you (from what you've shared at least).

Personally, I would just mention to either your mom or her BF that if he really doesn't like you that's fine, but wedding guests are those who have loved and supported the bride and groom. Since he doesn't, he's not included. It sounds harsh, but sometimes that's what it takes. FH and I have mutual friends who just blew up when we got engaged, but we put our feet down very quickly and said tough, if you feel that way that's fine but don't expect an invite. Changed their minds quick!!

I hope this gets settled, or that at least your mom understands where you're coming from.

I totally agree with Lala - put yourself in your mother's shoes. By stating you want to invite her and exclude her BF, you might be placing her in an uncomfortable position. Actually, these types of situations are much easier than people imagine. You smile, you be civil, you limit contact. Yes, it's as simple as that. If you dwell on it, think about it, make more about it than it is, it becomes drama. Be polite, be civil. That's it. And no, it doesn't kill you for one day for the few minutes you have to do it. Especially if it makes those closest to you happy.

That really sucks. But good news is you're getting married and moving out soon. He probably doesn't like you cause he probably gets that you loathe him.

I have to invite my dad, my brother and his wife and really wish I just didn't but oh well, two people I don't really like not that big a deal I guess. Still dissapointing. Having my mom walk me down the aisle cause the thought of my dad doing it makes me cringe and not even want to get married.

My mom thinks that he may be jealous of me because we have a close relationship so I take some some of her attention away from him or some b/s like that. I am also way closer to my mom than he is with his children.

Oh well, I will most likely be inviting him because it would make things easier for my mom, don't want to put her in an awkward situation. I guess I will just suck it up!

Thanks for sharing your own situations, and for the advice. It's nice to know I am not alone in this crap Lol.