SWR-Feeling single even though I'm engaged.

Couples counseling might not be such a bad idea. Just gives you two a chance to really talk and find out how you both are feeling. I'm sorry you feel this way. I often feel like I'm responsible for way too much and he gets off easy. However, I know that my FH is working a lot to give us the wedding that we both want. Just try and stay calm and schedule a time that you can both sit down and talk. Best of luck. =)

Well he's working a lot not to help pay for the wedding. He'd do anything for money so I refer to him as being a not so clean term for prostitute. I'm going to go out and clean the drive way, sidewalk and play with our dogs. He'll do other people's driveways for money but won't do ours for me to be able to get out. I really don't understand this.

Just let him know that couples counseling is a great idea, and you like the idea of learning how to better communicate with him. Tell him it's important to you to do the counseling before you get married.

I once heard that women interpret men's actions as ways to say "I love you". Therefore if they don't do something the women interprets it as they don't love them as much. The women expresses their displeasure in words, and it pushs the man away. The man then interpret's it as "nagging". That's my FH's favorite put down when I am trying to get him to do something, he calls it "nagging". I hate that word. Anyways, I do think you need to have a real heart to heart talk with him. If you don't really need the money, perhaps his weekend job is causing more problems in the relationship than what it is worth. Have you talked about what each of your goals are? Do they match? Does he feel pressure to "perform" and get the money for the wedding? You both have busy lives...(con't)

...and it sounds like you haven't carved out time to have "us" time. If you don't learn how to do this, it may only get worse in the future. Imagine when you start having kids?!......also, are your views about the role of a man and a women similar? i.e. do you have a view of sharing the housework, but he has a more old-fashioned view of the woman running the house? Has he expressed interest in you quitting your job? I ask these questions, not in a judgemental way, but rather to get you thinking if you've considered everything you need to in preparation for marriage. My last comment would be, the time leading up to a marriage is a chaotic time. You need to analyze things and decide if this is a temporary stressor, or if it is an indication of how your life will be longterm. Hope this helps!

I don't know if you go to church or not, but our church in Lancaster offers a great premarital counseling program that is a lot like couple's counseling. We went over all kinds of things, including exactly what you're talking about. I think it was like $35 for the workbooks, but it was totally worth it. PM me if you're interested and I'll tell you what church we go to. I don't want any stalkers on here.

The money is not for the wedding at all! My mom is paying for most, my dad says he'll help some but he's on disability, I'm paying for the rest and My FH won' ask his parents to help. I thought this morning would have been "us" time snuggling on the couch or something. I'm semi-old fashioned (where I want to leave my job when we have kids so I can have a more hands on role in their development & growth) but as far as house work and taking care of the kids that is a shared thing and he agrees with both points. I gave up on nagging, all that does is breed resentment. Last year I was diagnosed with OCD and Depression : and I feel that he exploits my OCD because he knows that if I ask him to help out and he waits long enough that thanks to my OCD I'll just go and do it because I can't take it anymore and he gets off scott free with not having to do anything. He says this isn't the case but he has done nothing to show me that it's not. I just came back in from shoveling our driveway cont'

And sidewalk, and I did it for free!! I called my mom who lives an hour away, and she is coming down this evening to do my house work so I can focus on my homework because my FH is going to his second job at 4p and won't be home until around 1a. He is afraid of counseling because he is worried that I'm going to "throw him under the bus" which I kind of am. My Matron of Honor suggested that we go to this Family Life thing called a weekend to remember, but that requires him to take a day off work and it's about $260 not counting travel, food and hotel! I feel under appreciated, used and in general hurt.

The only thing that will change after marriage is the lack of wedding planning. So if these stresses and issues are bothering you, don't think they will go away after the wedding. Talk them through now. Get counseling.

I'm sorry to hear this. Like others have suggested I would try to have a good heart to heart conversation with him and really look into couples counseling. I know how hard it is to not have a whole lot of us time because it seems like every other thing seems to get in the way (I'm home full time with my son and house cleaning and paying the bills, keeping appointments, planning the wedding and my FH has a full time job during the week, a side job on the weekend and he is helping a family friend with renovation) but we still try to make time for us. Last night we stayed up a little later than we usually do so that we could cuddle on the couch, watch some t.v. together and talk about what we did that day. communication is a huge part of a relationship.

As far as the OCD thing goes, I feel for you. I haven't ask my doctor to run any tests or try to diagnose it or anything but I have noticed over the years that I do have some OCD tenancies, especially when I get tired or stressed and it

Sucks.

A lot of guys have this very strong desire to be able to financially support their wife. It seems like this might be what he's doing. Please note I say "seems" because I don't know the whole story. My fiance and I very rarely have time for each other. I have a great girlfriend who helps calm me down when I get ticked off that we don't have much time for each other! I bought "Emotional Fitness for Couples." It's a ten minute a day thing. I think it's good for us just to reconnect each day. You can go to bn.com and get brand new books for 1/4 of the price through one of their authorized sellers.