Super-non Traditional Wedding Judgements

The pushback may be in the fact that you aren’t inviting anyone to the ceremony and the fact that it’s BYOB. If you’re throwing the party, you should provide the food and alcohol. You shouldn’t expect your guests to bring their own beer/liquor, otherwise it’s just a house party. While you want a non-formal party, etiquette would dictate the things you should provide at a minimum to make it a wedding reception. Yes, it’s about celebrating your love but if you want guests to do that with you they shouldn’t have to supply the things to do so.

View Quoted Comment Definitely second this

I think the comments about not getting married are un-warranted. You don't need a "modern wedding" or party to get married.

It sounds like the pushback is because you are choosing to

1. Not invite anyone to the official ceremony. In some circles it is seen as a faux pas to not invite guests to both. While it may be happening more so now a days, it is still relatively new.

2. Asking guests to BYOB to a party you are hosting where gifts are already expected (not required, but expected). If this wasn't your reception/ marriage celebration and truly only a house party, I don't see the issue. But when you are celebrating or asking people to travel and come celebrate you, this is a huge grey are/know your circle, and it sounds like BYOB is not common in your circle for weddings.

3. Weddings can be super important for parents as well, so she may just want to have a special moment at her sons wedding. If you both don't want to do parent dance 100% your choice! Would a small parents dance (like both of you with your parents dancing at the same time) be an option?

Overall, your party, your decision. The "etiquette" and "tradition" police are not going to come after you.

Sounds super frustrating!
It's your day so you're definitely allowed to do as you please. However, people are probably fairly confused about byob and not being able to see the actual ceremony. It does sound more like an elopement with a celebration later.

Also also, it is NEVER a waste of time to celebrate your union!! It's your party 🥳, you can do what you want!

View Quoted Comment

I second this as well. A wedding is primarily about the ceremony (the actual wedding) and the reception is the party. If you're just having the reception part, it should be stated that it's not a wedding, but an elopement with a party after.

And it's weird that you aren't providing any food or drinks. Even if you cater from like Chipotle or something cheap and provide beer and wine, people would probably take it much better. Honestly, I don't know anyone who would go out of their way to attend a "wedding" where there is no ceremony, and that they are expected to bring a gift as well as their food/beverage. I understand that you want just a party, but you can make some effort to make it more comfortable for your guests.

View Quoted Comment We’re not having a ceremony at all though. It’s basically an elopement. And our guest list is 98% family and they’re okay with BYOB. We don’t want to pay $1000 plus for alcohol, however there will be food and some alcohol available from us.

View Quoted Comment We are having food lol, I guess I could’ve made that more clear. We’re doing a build your own taco bar. And it’s byob but we’re also have some alcohol there, just not like an open bar (again could’ve made that more clear). And this has all been made VERY clear to the guest, who kind you are 98% close family because we didn’t want a huge wedding. We also don’t expect anyone to bring gifts at all. We havent even created a registry lol.

View Quoted Comment I completely understand, but we’re literally having no ceremony ( most guests know this) for those who don’t it’s going to be clearly printed on the invites. Also I could’ve made this more clear but we are providing alcohol (beers wines) but guests also have the option to byob. And I think my fiancé would do the mother son dance for his mom, I don’t want to do any dancing and neither does he really, but I guess we could keep in the dance just for her. Idk honestly having to figure it all out makes me not want to do any of it anymore. It’s becoming not fun to plan and stressful having to care about other peoples opinions when it’s not their day yanno. Idk lol.

I don't see any problem with this.

i went to a wedding celebration years ago - no ceremony, just reception only. people are there to celebrate your chapter in life, why must it have to be the traditional way and what not, right?

When you make the invites, I recommend calling it a "celebration of marriage" rather than a wedding + reception. That should help set people's expectations.

Ultimately your wedding is for you, however you want to throw it. His mom has probably imagined his whole life of dancing with him at this wedding and its a hard dream to let go. However, if he truly doesn't want to do it, he shouldn't. His mom will get over it even if shes a little disappointed in the moment. We've made many decisions about our wedding that have caused some ruffled feathers and people to get upset. We just figure we will never please everyone, so the best people to please are ourselves.

View Quoted Comment

As long as there's food and beer/wine, I think it's fine. As long as the invite is clear I don't think you'll have any issues.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this. Many people are old school, especially parents generations, and follow the etiquette and traditions (separate things btw) they are accustomed to. While it is seen as super common now on WW, it is a faux pas in many social circles to have a private ceremony with larger reception or if you have a private ceremony at another time to be deceptive to guests that what they are invited to is the legal wedding which has long passed. Covid doesn’t change or cancel out etiquette, nor does it make other things acceptable that were previously considered faux pas, but instead should make it something that people want to follow in uncertain times to navigate how to not offend anyone.


As hosts, old school etiquette says that you cover all expenses of food and drink. Just like you would not charge people to eat or drink in your home, don’t do that at your wedding. Many venues don’t allow BYOB for liability issues. Offer what you can afford to pay for everyone and don’t serve anything you can’t. If that means serving Costco platters instead of fancy catering or cutting the guest list, that’s what you do. BYOB is fine for a family bbq at another time.
Outdoor games instead of dancing is personal preference. If someone doesn’t want to play games, they can chat as they will at any other wedding. Once you invite guests, you focus on their comfort. The ceremony is for you and the reception is for them.

View Quoted Comment

In the kindest way possible, I don't really care about offending people at my own wedding. Also, we don't have a "venue", we're using my fiance's aunt's backyard, so standard venue rules don't apply here. We're also not having a ceremony because we don't want one, I'm not going to have a ceremony just to appease guests, who are by the way 98% family. I get people wanting to be old school, but the times aren't like that anymore and it isn't fair to expect newer generations to simply cater to old ways of thinking. We are serving food, we're having a build your own taco bar. All in all, it's gotten to the point where if you don't like it, you don't have to come. Again, 98% of our wedding is family who is not contributing to our wedding in any way but just showing up. I really don't mean to be rude, it's just frustrating having a day that is certainly about you, being turned into a guest's party when that shouldn't be the case.

Adding this because people keep thinking I said we aren't serving food? We are having a build your own taco bar, I never said we weren't serving food--it's just BYOB lol.

It's about you both, have fun with it and enjoy your day

Honestly, do whatever it is that YOU want to do. They’re your family, they might complain but at the end of the day they’ll show up for you. It’ll all work out. We originally wanted to just have a big party and a very intimate ceremony for our immediate families. But what someone else said about ‘celebration of marriage’ - the verbiage might be better instead of calling it a wedding. At any rate, do what you want.

I agree if the rest and then you want to wear a wedding dress why if you want a unconventional wedding. Then if that's the case then just have a person to marry you and let everyone know that it's a reception party. And you want ppl to bring there own drinks then yes you are responsible for food etc. And the mom will have that moment again to dance with her son that is now a married man. Have dancing is part of a party just let them have it since your not having a ceremony ever parent dreams of that moment with his or hers daughter and son

View Quoted Comment

Just wondering then why you’re worried about the pushback you seemed to be getting about your plans. You sound firm with your decisions and not worried about offending people.

The day stops being only about you once you invite other people. It’s ok to be non-traditional as long as the guests are hosted well.

View Quoted Comment Agreed I don’t want to join in with the judge people in your life but I can’t help but notice you aren’t having a wedding. I think the pushback is that you are labeling a party a wedding. Just call it what it is. The only thing that sounds remotely related to a wedding is that you are wearing a wedding dress. Elopement with party (I wouldn’t even call it a reception based on your description). Seems like you are trying so hard to make it not a wedding that you aren't having one at all. If you’re tossing the concept of a wedding then don’t bother with the traditional labels.