**Suggestions for a reception with drinkers AND non drinkers!! HELP!!**

Have the reception that fits you and FH, not one family or the other. Figure out what the two of you are comfortable doing and run with it. The reception is to celebrate your marriage.

You are never going to be happy trying to please everyone else. Be comfortable in your skin, and confident enough to say this is OUR decision and this is what WE want. People can either accept it or not, but you have to stay true to yourselves. To put it bluntly, that's part of being an adult.

Honestly...i think your family needs to get over it. people drink. they drink at restaurants, and other events. you really shouldn't have to worry about having two wedding receptions just because they judge others on their beverage choices. if your family is that against drinking they could always come, stay until dinner and then leave the rest to party...

I agree with Paris! Also, if you were able to pull off two receptions, wouldn't your family be hurt that they weren't invited to the second one? And would you want to have a big, fun reception without any of your family? I think you should decide on what you want and then sit down and tell your parents what you're planning.

I agree with julie. i think you have a big problem if your family is judging his family. they dont have to drink, but they need to respect those who do, especially those who drink but arent drunk.

My family doesn't have a problem with his family they just believe differently than his does. The way my family sees it is you can have a good time without alcohol. Which is true! But say we have a dance. How many sober people are gonna get up and dance and have a good time? VERY few! It's just a hard decision. I know it's our wedding and we should just do what we want but I also have respect for my family too and the last thing I want to do is hurt them and make them look down on me and my husband to be.

Has anyone ever been to a split reception/had a split reception that may have ideas??

I 100% agree with Julie! I am having an open bar all night and my father and my FH's oldest brother are recovering alcoholics. It is just reality that everyone else will be drinking...some heavily...since they are sleeping at the venue! My dad and FBIL are fine with it. It's your day!

Right, but you said they are "totally against" anyone who drinks alcohol. and FH's family does. soooo....they are "totally against" his family. if they really do just believe differently, rather than being against it as you said originally, they should be able to be in the same place as people who are having a drink

Do they only go to restaurants they don't serve alcohol?

I would have the reception you and FH want (I assume with alcohol?).

I mean, doesn't your family have to attend other functions and places that serve alcohol? Why would they expect your wedding to be any different?

Serving alcohol does not force them to drink it. They can choose not to imbibe. And they should not make you feel bad for choosing to serve it.

I'd tell them to grow up and respect other choices as you are respecting theirs by not expecting them to drink.

I'm w/ Rachel & Julie - we have a number of recovering addicts and alcoholics attending our wedding. And then we have the other 95% of our guests who are "partiers" and like to drink.

We can't make everyone happy so my FH and I are doing what is going to make us happy - Open Bar and also an open bar for other drinks (soda, juice, tea, coffee, punch, etc).

If your family can't understand that everyone makes their own life choices (drink or not drink) then that might be something you want to discuss with them prior to the wedding.

Approach it like this "I value and respect your opinion on drinking but because those values do not extend to all of our guests. I hope you can understand that we are serving beer & wine to our guests. We will also be serving non-alcoholic beverages for those people who do not drink. I hope this isn't something that will be an issue for you because we want to accomodate as many of our guests preferences as we can"

I drink (a glass of wine or two here and there) and my fiance doesn't. My mom's family is full of alcoholics and his family is pretty conservative. We'll be serving beer and wine at our reception and people can either take it or leave it.

I agree wtih what PPs said .. do what you two and your parents think is best/appropriate/affordable for ONE reception. Having two seems silly.

They're very southern Baptists. They don't believe in drinking so they avoid being around it as much as possible

I live in a very religious community where many of the members of the church do not drink and I am not of their religion so I drink...

It doesn't mean that when we go to social functions, I won't have a glass or two of wine if it is available.

I have also spoken w/ a few of my friends out here because we are doing a second reception and they said they wouldn't be offended if alcohol is available as long as they aren't pressured to drink it (which no one would do - I go out all the time and don't drink)

Would they avoid your wedding because of the alcohol?

If so then that maybe something that you need to address with them because as you stated you drink and so doesn't you FH - why wouldn't the want to be there for you two on your big day - if it comes down to the bar situation then that would be a HUGE slap in the face.

OK how about this. Instead of just telling me my family needs to get over it, how about giving me ideas on how we could go about having drinks and also respecting the non drinkers? Ways to accomodate both sides. I know most people drink and like I said, so do I. But at the same time I know how they feel about it and it is MY family so I want to respect them as much as possible!

Welcome to the WW community @Erika!

Paris, I'm printing off what you just said and taping it to my mirror for the entire course of planning this freaking wedding.

As for Erika... maybe have a lot of fun non-alcoholic drinks (in addition to whatever alcoholic bar you end up deciding you would like)? One caterer we looked at offered a lemonade bar--basically lemonade with tons of fruit and different flavors. Of course, they also offered vodka, but you wouldn't have to do that.

Also, my venue has two bars on opposite sides of the room. If you found a place like this, you could designate one bar alcoholic, one bar non-alcoholic. You could also limit the alcoholic bar--beer & wine and a signature drink, or however else you see fit.

Maybe after the service you could have a cake and punch get together for those that don't want to be around alcohol. And then on to the reception about 1 1/2 hous later with dinner drinks and dancing. Can't be too costly to have a cake and some punch. Those that choose to not go to the dinner do it at their discretion.

@Erica - what are some of the details of your wedding? Is it in the evening? Is there an open bar? Are you just doing beer/wine?

I ask because those could affect the whole thing. An evening wedding on a Saturday that will likely go late and have an open bar, you might have a hard time keeping people from limiting how much they drink and not getting trashed. If you only serve beer/wine, will this help? Then, people who drink, can, and its not as easy to get visibly impaired so hopefully your family will be comfortable.

Could you change the date to a Sunday afternoon instead so that people won't drink too much because they have to work the next day?

If you have some super heavy partiers coming as well you could always try talking to them in advance and just say 'there will be alcohol/beer/wine at the reception but please respect everyone at the party and try not to over-indulge'.

I'm not sure if this helps or not. Sorry if it doesn't!

I'm having a reception with ~50 mormons, and believe me, we will have the alcohol. In order to accommodate our non drinkers we made sure to offer more than pop, we are also serving hot cider and lemonades. Most non-drinkers leave receptions early, so there will reach a point in the night where you don't need to worry anymore.