Expert June 2021

Struggling to cope with husband returning to in person work

on November 20, 2021 at 1:21 AM Posted in Married Life 0 5
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My husband and I have been married for five months and sheltering in place for the past 20 months just the two of us. We always knew a return to work would happen but after almost 2 years of constantly being together it’s only made the thought of being apart 8-10 hours a day almost unimaginable. The pandemic is still here and I find myself already worrying about his safety. For 2 years I’ve been able to know he was always safe because he was right by my side. But so much has happened in the last 2 years that has made the world seem like an even more scary place and my husband is about to venture back out into that world. When I say we’ve been sheltering in place I truly mean it. If it wasn’t a holiday or our wedding day we were home working remotely and enjoying our weekends together. I am now 4 months pregnant and so sick all the time as well as battling bad anxiety and possibly depression with this pregnancy (my first )and needing constant reassurance from my doctors that all is well with baby and knowing I’ll now be going through my days being sick and trying to overcome my anxious thoughts all while missing and worrying about my husband is too overwhelming. Part of me wishes I was also back in person to work just to fill in that time and not be reminded of how alone I am. I have many friends who have gone through the entire quarantine alone while their partners have had to work since the beginning of covid and have just finally returned to in person work. They’ve always told me how lonely it was and how lucky I was to be able to do quarantine with my partner the entire time. But part of me thinks having so much time to be home together has only made the thought of separation so much worse. Even my husband is having a hard time with the thought of leaving me. We’ve gotten into such a routine and I know he now has a new worry about leaving me since I’m pregnant and have been dealing with intense nausea and vomiting. The last thing I want to do is tell him how I’m feeling. I don’t want him to feel worse about leaving me here. I know he’s doing what we both need for our family. I just needed a place to put my feelings. My husband returns to work Monday and as the day gets closer it’s just so hard to accept.

5 Comments

Latest activity by Cool, on November 21, 2021 at 3:37 PM
  • Nicole
    Master September 2020
    Nicole ·
    • Flag
    I would highly recommend reaching out to a professional therapist (if you’re financially able to). They’ll be able to help you work through the anxiety you’re facing in a healthy way. I know many therapists are doing sessions virtually if you’re nervous about being in public.
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  • Hannah
    Master July 2019
    Hannah ·
    • Flag
    I agree with Nicole that therapy may be a good option. The data shows that vaccines are effective, so as long as your husband is vaccinated and continues to wear a mask and social distance, he should be fine. My husband and I both have worked out of the home thus entire pandemic (he's at a warehouse and I'm at a hospital), and we have continued to stay safe by practicing good safety. A therapist will help you develop effective coping strategies for your anxiety.
    • Reply
  • Kari
    Master May 2020
    Kari ·
    • Flag

    It sounds like you need therapy.

    The feelings you are feeling are not healthy. MANY people experience them, but getting professional support and learning some healthy coping mechanisms will benefit all involved - you and your husband, your relationship, and your child.

    Plenty of people had not had the luxury to quarantine or lockdown throughout the pandemic and many of this individuals have remained healthy and safe. Many women have healthy pregnancies without a partner by their side - single moms, women with partners in the military, etc. It is absolutely normal to have some concerns or worries but what you are describing sounds debilitating and is certainly not healthy.

    You are not going to get the support you need for complex mental health challenges on online forums. Your pregnancy and all the wackadoodle hormonal changes that go along with it add a layer of complexity that only trained medical professionals are truly qualified to deal with. A professional counselor, perhaps in tandem with your doctors, can help you manage your worrisome feelings. If you aren't sure where to start, I'd recommend asking your current medical care team for a referral.

    Good luck, and congrats on your little one on the way!

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  • Carissa
    Dedicated September 2022
    Carissa ·
    • Flag
    I agree with previous comments, you should seek a counselor. Being sequestered for your entire life is not a possibility. You will have to separate at some point, yes for 8-10 hours a day. To be frank, my fiance worked all through the pandemic. I was WFH alone for about a year but have been back in office since March. You got married in a unique time but its simply not reality that life will always be like that.
    • Reply
  • Cool
    Super July 2020
    Cool ·
    • Flag
    I can definitely relate and non judgmentally also recommend therapy, it’s helped me quite a bit. While timelines are different, I struggled greatly due to not only separation, but also covid fear when my husband returned to work (this was pre vaccine). I think it would really help to talk to someone to get to more of the root and find a solution. I’m very codependent and I’m aware of that. Being forced into that situation (isolation) was something I enjoyed way too much lol I wish it could be us and our dog home forever. I am also aware that is not healthy not feasible. If your husband is vaccinated, from a covid standpoint, there isn’t much fear to be had. You will work on adjusting back to schedules. My husband had his first work trip (!!!) come up a few months ago. I didn’t handle it so well. We now just finished his third work trip and everything was fine, though I experienced only a slightly “above average” anxiety for that experience. One day at a time. Communicate! Set times for him to check in with you and also be flexible with him knowing he is back at work. Best of luck.
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