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Devoted August 2021

Stressed!!

Crystal, on September 22, 2019 at 10:36 AM Posted in Planning 0 27

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I am recently engaged and in the planning process. We chose the date 8/13/21. I have never been married and I am a single mom to 2 girls (11 & 2). I will be turning 39 this Friday.

now here’s the kicker.

I feel like I am on my own with all the planning and idea scheming. Every single thing I say I want or say I like SOMEONE from my life (mom, best friend, friends) will comment “can you afford that?” “That’s kind of expensive” “I did this...” “You should just do this.”
I have envisioned my wedding for many years. I have a fairy tail dream I want but Of course I understand that I need to be reasonable.
my cousin got married this last summer and my entire family fawned over her and her beautiful wedding Etc (which I didn’t even find remotely beautiful). My aunt proceeds to tell me I should just have my ceremony and reception at the AMVETS cuz it’s cheap. And serve salad and sandwiches from sams club. (No offense to anyone that may have done that). I stated to my best friend that I wanted a candy bar station and she says, “YOUR WEDDING IS GONNA COST 100K!!” How so?!

i feel as if I deserve more than that. I have sacrificed a LOT being a single mom. Working hard Etc. I do nothing for myself. Ever. Everything is for my kids. I feel like I deserve ONE day where I can be beautiful. Feel classy. And be in a beautiful environment. When I bring this stuff up they call me “Bridezilla” is it really that bad to want a beautiful wedding?? I feel like I have zero support in helping with anything.

sorry to unload, I just needed to vent somewhere where there may be someone feeling the same way.

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27 Comments

Latest activity by Sierra, on September 23, 2019 at 5:45 PM

Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on September 22, 2019 at 10:44 AM
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I would stop involving them in planning conversations and only discuss plans with your FS. They should be the one helping you anyway. You don’t need your family’s approval.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on September 22, 2019 at 11:05 AM
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I agree with Caytlyn. Stop telling people. You cannot force people to give you the response you prefer. Everyone has their own opinion.
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Devoted August 2021
Crystal · on September 22, 2019 at 11:21 AM
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Whoa. Hold up.

I am NOT forcing or expecting people to give me the response I want to hear. They are coming to ME asking ME questions and then criticizing every thing i say.

Thanks for the response. I assumed I could come here without judgement but apparently that’s a no go as well. Thanks for the help. 👍🏼
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on September 22, 2019 at 11:34 AM
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That bites, Crystal. You absolutely deserve the wedding if your dreams and nobody should shame you! You can come here and share all the fun details. We’ll “ooh” and “ahh” over them. 😃 ❤️

I think the other posters were just trying to help. We’re seen a lot of families/friends criticize a couple. They’re suggesting try not to share details. Even if asked, it might just help to say “It’s a secret so you’ll be surprised!” if you’re not getting the support you hoped for.
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Devoted August 2021
Crystal · on September 22, 2019 at 11:39 AM
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Thank you. I appreciate that. I’m so
overwhelmed with planning everything and basically doing it all myself. I can’t afford a wedding planner or I’d hire one. It’s just not in my budget. I’ve actually managed to get my friend who is a photographer to do my photos for 200$ plus a hotel room. My DJ is my dads best friend and he offered 0$ and a hotel room. And my venue is free if I secure 150 meals at appx 20-21/plate. I’m slowly getting there but a lot of the fine details are still up in the air. As well as the church. I tend to stress a lot so I feel as if this planning is stressing me out more.
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VIP June 2019
Formerbride · on September 22, 2019 at 11:44 AM
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I am not judging you. I've experienced enough sighs of disappointment to know that it's not worth sharing details. After I got engaged, the only thing people talked to me about was the wedding. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I get it. People will ask you everything. Just tell them you'd like it to be a surprise or you're not 100% sure yet. Good luck!
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on September 22, 2019 at 12:10 PM
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Most of the couples here plan their own wedding, so you’re in good company! You’re also way ahead of schedule booking a lot two years before your date. Take a moment to breathe... 🤗

Hmm... if you get married at a church, they usually have a reception hall for cheap. Then you could do Mexican, Italian or BBQ catering at $10-$20 per person but wouldn’t require a 150 person minimum (that’s gonna cost a lot in rentals & decor). If budget is super tight, you could have your wedding at a non-meal time (2 pm) and just serve cake & punch. Just some options.
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Dedicated October 2019
Kelsey · on September 22, 2019 at 12:23 PM
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Yeah I don’t understand why they can’t be happy for you? Like are they paying for it NO so don’t worry about the bride’s budget!!! If you want anything at your wedding do it trust me if you didn’t do it due to someone else you’ll regret it. I wanted real flowers at my wedding and everyone was rude and was like that is a waste of money but idc I like how real flowers look they had real flowers at their wedding why criticize what I do?!
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Devoted August 2021
Crystal · on September 22, 2019 at 12:54 PM
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Exactly!!! I said the same thing!!! I realize weddings aren’t cheap, but that means because I have 2 kids I can’t have a day for myself? People are so mean. When I told my mom I got engaged. We were so happy and my mom says to him, “really Johnny? How much did that ring cost?” Like it’s her business! 😡😡😡 everyone said when we started dating that he is a wonderful person and such a good man to my kids. He loves them like his own. Everyone says to enjoy being engaged yet it doesn’t seem like many people are happy for us. Is it cus we are almost 40 and not 23? It just makes me feel really bad. It’s supposed to be a happy time and it just doesn’t feel that way.
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Dedicated October 2019
Kelsey · on September 22, 2019 at 1:13 PM
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Well at least you waited until the right guy came to be around your kids I think that makes you a awesome mom, they should be happ you found such a good man! And why does it matter how much the ring was?! And I’m 23 getting married in two weeks and we faced the same thing. Every time I said anything about the wedding they wanted to hear the price tag on it! Some have even asked about the total of our wedding it’s around $15,000 and some people either say that’s super cheat or that’s to much. Like I can’t win either way.
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Legend June 2019
Melle · on September 22, 2019 at 1:19 PM
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Yea I've learned people can be so judgmental about what you want for your wedding
Do what you want and keep in mind the realism behind it - the logistics, the budget, etc. You can do it !! You want a certain vision and it's possible to get it through research and deals and sales
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Devoted August 2021
Crystal · on September 22, 2019 at 1:58 PM
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I’m sorry that you have to go thru it also. And thank you for saying that. It means a lot. I made sure he was the one and didn’t just jump into a worthless marriage because I didn’t want to be alone or wanted help with my kids. I’m proud of the fact that I waited as long as I did. I don’t understand why people have to be nosey at all. Like. If your wedding is inexpensive you’re a cheap ass. If it’s extravagant you’re dumb for spending that much. I just feel like, what do they want?’
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Devoted August 2021
Crystal · on September 22, 2019 at 1:59 PM
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EXACTLY!! Thank you!!! I’ve even asked them, “well. How can we achieve this as cheap as possible?” Their response is, “i dunno. That’s your deal..” I just don’t get it.
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Champion July 2019
Veronica · on September 22, 2019 at 6:42 PM
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I'm sorry you are going through this. When we started planning, my mother-in-law kept trying to tell us how to spend money and my husband told me just to let her talk, but at the end of the day we are the ones getting married. So I would listen politely, but I would still do whatever we wanted. She kept talking about how we should just get married at a fire hall and have fake flowers. Neither were things I wanted so even though she liked those ideas we had the wedding we wanted. Unfortunately, it sounds like your family isn't very supportive. I would focus on the things you and your fiance want. If they can't be supportive, I wouldn't include them in planning. It sucks, but sometimes not talking to people about things is easier than listening to their negativity. We are always here to give you advice.
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Devoted August 2021
Crystal · on September 22, 2019 at 8:17 PM
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Thank you! I think that’s what I’m gonna do from now on. Just stay silent. The only thing anyone’s contributed at all to planning this is their criticism. So I’m done reaching out to them. Thank you. This is all so overwhelming.
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Savvy October 2019
Christine · on September 22, 2019 at 8:44 PM
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It’s hard with everyone having opinions. Make a budget, decide what is absolutely important must have, what would be nice but not essential to be part of your dream and what isn’t important to you.
Then do research to see how you can make it possible, maybe so DIY projects, Pinterest. Just because it’s handmade doesn’t make it any less elegant.
Try to surround yourself with positive people to join your team and help you say I got this instead of saying what you can’t do.
When my husband and I first got together he used to tell me what would not work until I got angry and told him that unless he had an alternative idea of what we can do and be supportive to kindly be quiet. No negative thoughts without a positive alternative. It took some educating but he now is a great partner to discuss what we can do instead of listing what we cannot.

Hopefully this helped you some!
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Expert October 2020
Katelyn · on September 22, 2019 at 8:59 PM
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Everyone calls me a bridezilla when I try to plan my wedding to. I honestly just stopped discussing it with people who weren’t providing anything. The only people I talk to about it are my fiancé and his parents because the wedding is at their house and so they kind of need to be involved in the planning a tiny bit. So, keep to people who need to know about it.
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Devoted August 2021
Crystal · on September 22, 2019 at 9:39 PM
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It helped a ton! Thank you!
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Savvy October 2019
Christine · on September 22, 2019 at 9:40 PM
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You are very welcome!
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Beginner September 2019
Shan · on September 22, 2019 at 9:44 PM
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I go through the same thing! My big day is in 5 days! The way I fixed it was i would act like I hadn't got that far and listen to them and just do what I want to do! It was his family doing me that way! It's hard to deal with but you will get through it I promise! Good luck to you!😘
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