Stressed out moh

I recommend you talk to the bride before dropping out

Other than buying a dress and being there for the wedding, what else does she think you need to do? If those are the only two expectations the bride has then I don't see why you'd need to drop out.

I wouldn't ignore your MOH duties all together. Which personally I think the duties you should have around this time are to help plan the bachelorette party (if there's going to be one), buy your dress, and just be there to support the bride. I haven't been a MOH before, so I'm not sure if there's anything else you should be doing.

While it's tempting to ignore your relative's wedding, and focus on yours, I think that would be a little hurtful considering she's already had 2 bridesmaids drop out of the wedding party. It's also important to understand that while you think she should be giving you straight answers about when the wedding will happen, it's difficult right now to be certain of these things. She may not be getting a straight answer from her vendors and venue, and wants to make sure it's set before she tells you a new date. This pandemic has put a lot of weddings on hold, and many couples have had to postpone not once or twice, but multiple times.

I would have a talk with the bride, and let her know how you're feeling. If you truly don't want to be her MOH anymore, then be honest, but don't ignore your position and her wedding without having that talk with her.

Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Plan the bridal shower and bachelorette party. I was really ahead on the bridal shower but then she pushed the wedding and COVID got worse, the bachelorette I haven’t even thought about anymore after the 2nd push .. also, pushing the wedding to a Monday?! What!!

View Quoted Comment I don’t want to drop out I’m just tired of asking her what’s going on with it .. I morally can’t drop out even if I wanted to , it’s down to just 3 of us now . I couldn’t do that to her

View Quoted Comment Thank you, I wouldn’t be able to drop out, it would be really hurtful to her if I do. But feel like she’s being selfish in thinking I have to hold on to this position for 3 years and not update me but I will take your advice and have a talk with her again.. just tired of talking and talking with no resolution

No, I wouldn't say it's selfish. If you've repeatedly asked her for updates and she's repeatedly given you vague answers, you've done all you can do. It's not technically your duty to plan the bachelorette party and bridal shower, but if it's something she's wanting you to do let her know you can't plan more until you get a more firm timeline from her.

View Quoted Comment What is the MOH duties then? She told me she wanted me surprised her for her bridal shower & then has told me she wants to travel for her bachelorette party in the past.

There are no MOH duties until 6 months out. You just act like a regular friend. At the 6 month point dresses need to be looked at. usually ordered around 4 months, as the come in 2-10 weeks after order.
You only do showers or bachelorettes if you volunteer to, and work with other bridesmaids, or with other friends, or with family members to plan and pay.
With a wedding shower, if as hostesses you want to plan for a month out, up to 3, you need at least two months to plan. So again, start at 3-4 months out, and you will be fine. ... With a repeatedly postponed event, and uncertainty about the rest of the wedding party, is would be foolish to do dresses, or party planning, in advance of what you need to. So the only thing you have as a bridesmaid or MOH duty is to be a friend, and reassure her that at 5 to six months out you will consider dresses, or party planning. So she knows your intention is to follow through. No point in chasing after her. Being MOH is a wedding day, about 3 half day or eving parties, and getting clothing. And it is very nice, but not required, to plan or participate in parties. But unlike Reality TV and website images, it is not a yearlong team, nor do you need to help plan the wedding, deal with vendors, or see to the bride's gown. So if you are checking in as a friend now and then, what have you abandoned? Plan your iwn wedding.

View Quoted Comment Any bridesmaid or female relative can plan the parties. Maybe talk to the remaining bridesmaids and come up with a plan together. But if she's telling you specific details like she wants to travel, she'll definitely need to give you more info.

View Quoted Comment This is extremelyyyyyyy like EXTREMELY helpful thank you so much! We are already at the 6 months mark and she did order us dresses to try on but I haven’t received it yet .. I guess I will take it from here and not do anything I’m not expected to do.

View Quoted Comment Okay that's understandable. I suppose just make it clear that you need at least a 30 day notice or however long you think is fair before she expects you to plan something.

What are your MOH duties? Did the bride specify what she was expected when she asked you to be her MOH?

Typically the MOH takes the lead on planning a bridal shower or bachelorette (or both) and acts as the ring-leader for the other bridesmaids when it comes to coordinating these events. If dresses have been chosen, you can also support the bride in making sure all of the other maids order their dresses on time, and may help the bride with various other wedding related tasks as requested. Other than that, I don't think there is a whole lot for you to do other than emotionally support the bride-to-be.

I would check in with the bride and see how she is doing and if there is anything you can do to help. Other than that I wouldn't take on the burden of feeling neglectful if there isn't anything to be done. It's totally okay to focus on your own wedding if the bride hasn't given you any guidance.

If it makes you feel any better our "redo" wedding celebration is scheduled for June and we've done absolutely nothing in anticipation of it. We do think we will need to postpone again, so we're not even going to think about a plan of action until after the new year, and will likely not officially update/involve our wedding parties until we have more information.

View Quoted Comment She’s only hinted at what my duties should be and isn’t really straightforward even in all the conversations I’ve had with her so it’s been a little frustrating which is why I’m stressed out bc I don’t want to blow up on her... and I agree it’s looking like June weddings might have to be pushed if they are large . But I’m hoping not bc I really hope everyone can have their dream wedding

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Honestly, anyone can plan the bridal shower and bachelorette. Normally, it is up to someone to volunteer to host these events otherwise they don't happen. My advice would be to work with the other girls in the bridal party to plan the shower and bachelorette party. However with Covid in person events like this might not even be possible. I know my pregnant and due in May and my baby shower will likely have to be virtual. As for the wedding being on Monday, it is likely cheaper and might be the only date the venue had available.

You say she’s not letting you know what’s happening with the wedding, but does she even know herself?
It took me months of back and forth to figure out what we were going to do with the wedding due to Covid and honestly if my MOH kept pressuring me to give her answers that I didn’t even know myself, I’d be pretty annoyed.
Is there a possibility she’s just waiting around to see if the vaccine will help the situation before sending save the dates? Especially if she’s waiting for that Sunday date.She’s your friend right? Be there for her, be supportive and see how she’s doing. It’s not easy having to postpone and still not be sure that things will be ok on the postponed date.

View Quoted Comment Although I agree with you covid isn’t the first problem surrounding this wedding, like I said it’s been 3 years since I’ve accepted to be MOH & it’s always something .. so although COVID is now the main excuse at this point it’s frustrating bc she expects us all to put our lives on hold until she figures out

What duties?? IMO, your only "duty" is to show up on the date and time wearing the dress you're supposed to wear. Everything else you might do is bonus.

Obviously, they are having difficulty finalizing the details. It's ok. I'm sure the bride will let you know when she needs you. You don't need to keep asking. In fact, speaking as a bride who has had to postpone twice now, you could be causing the bride more stress by continually asking what her plan is. Just leave her alone and she'll tell you when it's time to perform your duties.

View Quoted Comment I’m glad that I shouldn’t be this worried .. but she did say she wanted me to throw her a surprise bridal shower so the does have me stressed. The reason I keep asking is bc i felt like she was expecting a bridal shower and bachelorette from me and financially I would need to plan far in advanced but she doesn’t want to be clear with me on the official date which is technically in 6 months. But I feel better knowing that I shouldn’t be doing any of this to begin with unless I offered it.. now im pissed she threw these duties on me

View Quoted Comment I understand your feelings. This is my opinion. Others will tell you that being MOH comes with very specific duties, like hosting a bachelorette or bridal shower. I don't consider those duties. Those are optional pre wedding parties. If the bride wants those, she needs to first make sure her people can afford to do that. Not everyone can. Next, she needs to be really clear about the date because those aren't the kind of parties you throw together at the last minute. You will need time to plan.
If you want to throw her a shower, and can afford to pay for it, then tell her you need a little help from her. You need the new wedding date, a guest list for the shower, at the very least. With all the covid restrictions you may not be able to give her what she wants. But that's not your fault and you shouldn't feel badly about it.
Being there for her on her wedding day is the only duty you have.