Sticky situation regarding Groom's deceased Mother

I don't think you should exclude her entirely from photos. Just limit the amount that she's included in perhaps?

Also, maybe don't have the parents process at all in the ceremony and you can avoid that awkwardness entirely.

Like Angela said, don't completely exclude her. Just take some without her in them. It's perfectly fine for her to not he included in a parent's processional.

If they are married, I would not exclude her from family photos. She is a part of the family now. When it comes to walking in just have her go ahead and be seated with the rest of the guests. My FH will be walking his mom in and her boyfriend will already be seated with the guests, so he will not be a part of the ceremony. My situation is a little different because they are not married, but they have lived together for about 3 years.

I am sorry to hear you guys are in such a difficult and painful situation.

I am at a loss on the ceremony part, but I do have an idea of the portrait part.

I plan on doing family and extended family portraits. Both my parents have passed and I think that if either were living, I'd handle it the same way. I plan on some of just our blended family of FH and the kids and I, some of just him with his parents and his kids, etc.

I think you can have a "whole family portrait done (extended and close) and include her in that, so as to not hurt her feelings, but then have just bio ones, too. You don't have to put up or even buy a print of the one that is the entire, extended family. I also think it would be very disrespectful to 100% exclude her from all the pictures, regardless of how disrespected the kids feel about the way he remarried. She is family now, too, whether they like it or not (even if it hurts). I just don't see any good at all coming from excluding her from all the pictures, but I am sure you can come up with a way to have many without her in them.

Your photographer might have great ideas for this, as I am sure they have seen it all when they work weddings. Maybe pick his/her brain about it, too.

I understand the hurt, but at the same time, you are only part of this family now because of marriage - how would you feel if someone said "oh can you step out of this photo, its family only" after you and FH are married.

I understand FH hurt - but this is his dad's family now, like it or not,

To add to this - my dad "dated" someone after my mom passed away, and I loathed her every being. Granted, they never ran off and got married, but I know it would have hurt my dad's feelings if I was that negative toward her since he cared about her so much.

Just have to swallow it and be respectful, he doesn't have to love her and pay her extra attention on your wedding day, but you can't completely exclude her.

Thank you all for you comments. I ran out of room to write more in detail about the relationship but it is still very strained. She tends to be a bit pushy and overbearing. For example, she announced our wedding date on FB before we told anyone the date. I have never been offended by her but this time I was a bit irked. I agree with most of you that it would INDEED be disrespectful to exclude her completely but this isn't just my day and this is something that I am trying to work out that makes sure everyone is as little offended as possible. If it were up to him.. she wouldn't even be invited. I am sure I will figure something out. Thank you, June, for your suggestion to get with the photographer! Great idea!

I agree with Erin. I find this really disrespectful to his now, stepmother. This is an issue your FH has with his dad not his father's wife. I think she should be included in the photos or at least some of them. I understand the way she was brought into the family was unfair but, it's now a done deal. Good luck.

Isn't it up to FH? Let him deal with his side of the family.

While I agree with Happybride, that your husband should handle this, it would be awful to treat her as a second-class citizen instead of your FFIL's esteemed wife. After all, he's an adult and should be held accountable for his own actions, instead of her being punished for them.

Two wrong don't make a right and shit rolls down hill. His father is a grown man and made his own choices just like your husband made his choice when he picked you. If you and your fiance want to be respected then respect your father in law period. If the disrespect starts now it will never stop and in the end everyone involved will pay for it. What happens if you exclude her from family photos and a child of hers gets married? You are your husband are invited but told sorry your not biological family so please don't be expected to be in the family photos but thanks so much for the money gift you just dropped in the card box. If his father has paid for anything at this wedding you are opening up a big can of worms by being disrespectful to his wife. If she is giving you a gift for your wedding then you are being rude and disrespectful by your actions. I don't want either of my parents at my wedding and guess what they both are coming. I am doing one family photo with everyone in my family, including my parents and my dad's 3rd wife that I cannot stand and hates my only child. Why? RESPECT!!!!!!! I want respect for me and my husband.

I know your FH has an issue with her and your dad for that but let me tell you from experience, being excluded IS hurtful. On our wedding day my MIL wanted a photo of just "real siblings" excluding my SIL (brothers wife). she IS a sister to me and I said no she will be in it. Then she wanted a family photo without me in.. Yeah the bride. I get it but now that we're married WE are family. It is hurtful when people exclude like that.

You could take some with or without but what if she wants a Christmas card without you in it or something? Would make you feel kind of bad

I guess every situation is different. Thanks for your responses.

I agree with PP number 1. Just limit the amount she's in. Explain the situation to your photographer/planner, when family pic start, start with a few shots with her in it, then gradually phase her out. She should understand, it's understandable.

Both my step mom and step dad are included on my side. And his dad is in Europe and has not had anything to do with the wedding. We aren't cold people. I just think that maybe it just like one of those joke where you have to be there to think its funny.. Our situation just might be one of those where we might have to get creative. We aren't going to be disrespectful. I was just trying to see if anyone had any creative ideas to get around honoring this woman as his deceased mother.. That's all. Wasn't looking for life coaching or criticism.

I wouldn't completely exclude her. I understand there seems to be a lot of tension here, but just as a warning: excluding her Will not do its part to improve things

Invite her to participate where she feels comfortable. Explain to your FH that you understand his feelings too.

Just limit it. As time moves on, your fiance may warm up to her and cone to regret snubbing her too obviously. But you don't have to include her name on invitations or anything, either. We left DH's step dad (whom he doesn't get along with) off of our programs but had him in two or three photos. We also didn't strongly include his step mom's fiance who, much like Jan, came along quite suddenly after we lost DH's dad. But we were careful not to be rude, either, because he's been around for almost two years now and we're warming up to him. Slowly.

Include her in a few. Just take the high road.

I'm sorry for his loss.

Take some pics with her to keep the peace. Then take some pics without her