Stepmom Drama

YES!!!!!!!! my dad and stepmom are basically in the midst of a divorce and it is UGLY and horrible so far. My dad has extreme highs followed by extreme low's (for instance, last night he calls in tears, and is a wreck saying he hates her and he doesn't want her at the wedding at all, etc. but this morning calls to apologize and say he's feeling much better now).

My bridal shower is this weekend and I plan to sit down with each of them separately and say that I'm upset because their marriage is ending but I also need both of them to be mature and supportive of this wedding that has been in the works for 2 years. That this is a hard time for all of us, but we have to support each other because we are still family.

...or I hire a hitman...one of those two...

Oh Rae, I feel your pain. I would much rather not have her there - but don't want to upset his dad. Fiance and I have not spoken to her in months because she is so horrid. We both think his dad would be better apart from her at this point but that's a decision he needs to make. Thanks for your feedback!

Just a bit confused - is your FDH's SM upset because the wedding is being held at your FDH's BM's home? And she somehow blames FDH's father for this? That's the only way I can connect the dots. Any which way, their relationship is their relationship, and really none of your concern. Your FFIL may seem like an angel to you, and your FSMIL may seem like a harridan - but you and your FDH do not know what happens behind closed doors, nor any history that may have gone before. Speaking as one who married a man previously married and a stepmother herself, it's best to leave these two alone unless asked. Don't invole yourself in some one else's drama unless it is absolutely, positively necessary. And even then...find a way out of it.

Michelle, fiance's stepmom is always upset about something, but you're right, I really have no idea what is going on between them. She may very well be upset that our wedding is at Fiance's childhood home and his mom is hosting. Apart from what is going on with his dad, our personal dealings with Stepmom have not been good either. We have caught her in a couple of lies - and that just does not sit well with us. Please be assured that we don't want to get involved in their drama - just trying to figure out a way to survive this day without getting sucked into any drama that might occur. I appreciate the opportunity to vent - because this whole thing is stressing me out.

Sorry for the drama Hopefully by the wedding day everything will have calmed down and your day is flawless !

All you can do at this point is play it by ear. If things are over before the wedding day then great. If not, then, unfortunately, for the dad's sake, you may have to put up with her. So glad that we aren't going through this. FH's stepmom and biological mom get along, it's dad and stepdad, and dad and mom who have issues. We plan to have dad along the aisle, then stepmom, then mom, then stepdad in his row. This works out even better because mom's parents get along great with stepdad (both stepdad and grandfather are gruff and kind of jerks)

The woman who married my grandpa when I was a child (I have never referred to her as "grandma" because they chose to not be part of our lives until recentely) just up and divorced my 86 year old grandpa because he needed to be put into an assisted living facility and she was afraid they would come after her money if they were still married. They no longer live together and she has filed in the divorce papers that she wants no one from my grandpa's family to contact her. My grandpa is still hopelessly inlove with her and wants her to attend the wedding with him--and she keeps asking him when it is! My grandpa is unable to drive so one of my uncles will be picking him up and bringing him home from the wedding so I didn't even send him an invite so he didn't have the option to share the information with her. I think your drama sounds much worse than mine but I definitely know it sucks!

@ Jill D. Good way to handle that situation. Smart idea!

Fawne, Im sorry you have to deal with this. If FFIL does bring witchy woman to your wedding, that doesnt mean you actually have to sit & chit chat with her all night. If it were me I would just greet her pleasantly then pretty much ignore her the rest of the night. It sounds like she wont be in your lives for too much longer anyway so just tolerate her for the day to appease FFIL.

Good luck!

Step-mom's are EVIL!

My step-mother is a game playing B*tch. If it isn't her way the rest of us can take a hike! She has made planning awful and she hates anyone that isn't her children or family so when she heard I was including my aunts and cousin she flipped out. like a two year old child and sadly she has caused so much trouble with my family she is not really welcomed with open arms to events. Well she pushed the envelope too far and sadly she nor her children are welcome to my wedding.

I wish GROWN adults could act like adults but sadly they cannot and need to cause drama. I hope your SFIL sees he has a great family without her. So sorry you have to go through this!

My FH's stepmom is awesome (not all Stepmothers are EVIL!)...it was his Mother that had a screw-loose. The emails she sent regarding the wedding would make a sailor blush! That said, we still invited them all. Then she passed away. And the brother started in on not wanting the step-mother to attend. I swear..crazy family…..

Basically, we told everyone from the get-go that they had no say in who we invited. It wasn't up for discussion. And then we refused to discuss it again and if they pushed, we just smiled and said, "We have it under control. Thanks for asking".

And the wedding was fine. Some people chose not to speak to each other but that's their glitch—not yours. Mostly, people ignore each other and make snide remarks out of ear-range. Meh.

Michele S is right --do NOT get sucked into their drama. Just plan the day and let the chips fall. Of course....you still might want to set arguing parties tables across the room from each other.

Thank you all so much for sharing your feedback and stories. I promise not to get sucked into the drama. I guess the thing I have to remember is that I am going to be marrying my best friend. It will be a happy day!!

I have a few family members feuding at the moment. My FH and I have a code word and a designated family member from each side of our family to deal with any drama if it arises! The way I see it is if you cant leave your drama at home for one day please stay home with it!

Fawn A ~ yes, just focus on YOUR wedding and the meaning of that day. If your FFIL finds himself without a home before then, well, your FDH might need to deal with it. And if the lovely couple are still together at the time of the wedding, all that is required of you is to be gracious and civil to your guests. Stay above and removed and you will be okay!

I have fears for my wedding day too. My FH's real Mom was very short and nasty to me on the first phone call we ever had to each other a few weeks ago (even though we have been together over 3 years she just now wants to talk to me). She also hates his step-mom for no valid reason and I am worried about having her in the same room with his step-mom who is a sweet person. We are going out to FL to meet his real Mom (meeting her for the first time) the end of this month, really not looking forward to it since she has already been rude to me once. So I guess we'll find out before the wedding if we really think she can behave herself, which is better than drama the day of! So sorry you have to deal with this Fawn, I know what you're going through! Good luck!

Thanks, Holly! Good luck to you too!