Stepkid

That kid is going to wonder why they weren't invited and are going to try to figure out what they did wrong. They're just kids. YOu know how hard it is to grow up as a stepkid? It's not my fault my parents got divorced but I got punished for it my entire life.

If you have stepfamily you really need to consider them. And try to ask if you would be comfortable explaining to a kid at whatever age they are the REASON they weren't invited. It would be like having two brothers, both with kids, inviting Joey's kids and not John's and then trying to explain to John's kids that you just aren't as close to John. You think those kids are going to actually understand and not think about them?

Children are fragile. Also, kids are very egocentric until about age 18 (if they ever grow out of that stage) and at that point the reason you didn't invite them has to do with THEM not with their parents or your guest list or the size of your venue or your budget.

Either allow them or don't, but take it from a stepkid. You not inviting stepchildren but inviting other children is a really shitty thing to do, regardless of your reasoning.

I was that step child as well. I agree. My cousins are cousins, blood or not. My sisters sisters are my sisters as well.

Bailey,

I am not inviting my stepsiblings who are adults since they sued my dad for life insurance money after my stepmom was killed in a car crash. They also found out about my divorce (by asking me and me telling them) and THEN blocked me on facebook.

There was another story on here about not inviting a stepsibling who is an adult and is a druggie. If they're adults, yeah, they'll understand as you've probably already distanced yourself.

Adults are responsible for their own feelings but you must take care with children.

I've been lucky that even my step siblings mom has welcome me. She's coming to the wedding she is just another mother to me.

But I have seen it the other way and my heart aches for those kids.

I'm a step-kid. And I'm about to have step-kids. And my kids are about to become step-kids. And they're all treated the same in my house. Sorry that you weren't. That sucks.

But I have to say, when you're an adult it's a much different story. Step-families that didn't grow or grow-up together don't necessarily need to be treated the same. I have a friend that has step-sister she's only met once. They became "steps" in their 20's. Never having a sibling relationship makes a big difference and she is definitely not close like her bio brother. But I agree that a child would not understand that.

Eta: thanks for clarifying I took a long time to post, hah!

My stepmom and I had a really rough time. However, we were great friends when she was killed.

I have had less luck with step aunts and step uncles, stepgrandparents, not so much by the actual stepmom/stepdad. I could really tell that my cousins were treated differently by everyone. My mom worked extra hard to make sure we felt included but that didn't mean I didn't feel like a black sheep.

As an adult I can see that there were other things at play, such as my stepaunts/uncles being dumbasses and my stepgrandparents feeling sorry for them and trying to make up for their parents' transgressions. It was awful.

eta: my stepmom, in fact, was like all the evil stepmothers in fairy tales up until I finally called her and my dad out on their bullshit when I was 23.

Oh come on. You have absolutely zero idea of the family dynamics going on when it comes to others situations.

My husband did not grow up with his step-brother. His mother and stepfather were married long after stepbrother had grown up and moved out of the house. My husband and his stepbrother have very little relationship and see each other (along with stepbrother's kids) only once or twice a year at family gatherings. There just is not a relationship there at all.

In contrast, my husband is extremely close to his brother and sister, and his nephews, seeing them multiple times per month; we take those kids everywhere and babysit them all the time. They know us well and we are very close to them. That is not the case with step-nephews. Step-nephews barely know us.

So yes, our nephews were invited to the wedding as the ONLY children. Step-nephews had absolutely no interest in our wedding, nor did they even know that the wedding existed. It did not affect their lives one bit.

Why would you assume

every situation is like yours? And why would you start an entire new thread about this, essentially calling out some of us who responded in the previous thread?

Grow up.

Really Emily? If you take it personally you must think you're wrong.

I was never invited to my stepbrothers wedding and we did grow up together, I was 14 and he was 25. It hurt. I am only speaking from my own experience and people can take it or fucking leave it. Every situation is different, and I know that. There is a huge difference when kids grow up together with "grandpa and grandma" that are step but are excluded.

You're the one who needs to grow up. I was offering "advice" for others who may not understand things from a child's point of view. I work with really small children and I see what thoughtless adults do every day to them. I was just saying. But go on and think this whole thing was about you.

I've seen lots of posts about it through my length of time on here, including someone who didn't want to include her soon-to-be stepdaughter in the wedding, even questioning inviting her.

So... With all due respect, if you've never been a step kid I'll kindly ask you to stfu.

You are not speaking about only yourself. You made a NEW post as a result of a different thread (which I contributed to). It made you "super sad" and you are stating here that you DON'T think it's ok to invite bio nieces/nephews and not step. And you don't think "closeness" is a valid reason (which I specifically stated was an ok reason not to invite certain kids).

So you are clearly expressing a judgement on those of us who chose to do that. Even though some of us have very different situations and family dynamics from yours.

Why you couldn't just continue the discussion in the previous thread that is already discussing this topic is beyond me.

But apparently now I can't have an opinion because I'm not a step kid. That makes so much sense.

This definitely is a case by case basis. It might just be my family, but I have 30+ cousins and they get invited to things all the time that I do not and vice versa. I'm also a step child on both sides and never once did I wonder why a step cousin went to an event that I did not go to. I wasn't close with my step-mother's family, so of course I never expected to go to something that required invites, especially at 10 or 11 years old. As I stated in the other post, one of my step-sisters and I have never been close, despite being 12/22 when our parents met and 16/26 when they married. I was not surprised or hurt or anything when she didn't invite me to her wedding, though I was hurt for my step-father who was also not invited. If I was inviting children, I would invite the children of one (younger) step sister but not the children of the other because I've only met two of three and only once. They wouldn't lose sleep over it, I promise you.

Every family is different and you really cannot make a generalization like this without knowing the exact dynamics.

My step mom, who became my step mom when I was a 16 year old freshman in college. Is buying my weddin

g cake... she offered to do so because she appreciates everything I have done for her mom over the last 2 years (her nursing home is close so my dog and I visit once per week, more when my dad and his wife aren't in town to do so)

I don't consider her my step mom really since I was an adult. But we respect each other and I invited her daughter who is tech. My step sister and lives in their home to the wedding.... because no matter what they are my dad's family which makes them mine.

Same as Bailey. I have step brother and step sister we became step siblings at 25 and we do NOT get a long and no they are not invited

ETA: As a step parent I would be hurt and angry if my fsd wasn't invited. She needs to be accepted, and loved as blood. Blood doesn't represent family

I don't think you read her post correctly. She said she was planning on including the stepfamily. She was just asking if it was okay to draw the line at the step family or does she now have to allow all guests to bring children.

You already said how you feel on the other thread. Did you really need to start a whole new thread about it?

Sounds like a personal problem

When my parents got married my mother already had 4 children. My Dad accepted them as his own. Mind you this was over 50 years ago. Then they had me. Once they were married my Dad Sat them all down & told them there are no steps in this home except the ones leading to the door. I was born & raised with them as brothers & sisters. And they were raised with a mom & Dad that loved them. Technically my siblings are half but I would never refer to them as such. They are my brothers & sisters.

My mother's family hasn't been inviting kids to weddings, since she was a kid - the late 1960s. My sister hosted 225 guests, at her wedding - all 21 and up. The two weddings we have/are attending this year will have one child guest - a ring bearer, in each wedding.

Everyone has different family dynamics; we didn't invite one uncle/aunt, from each side, to our wedding. We have no relationship with them, don't even know their addresses, etc. I have a first cousin who'll be 13 this year, and my mother has never met him - I've seen him on 3 occasions, and I certainly wasn't impressed with his behavior.

No one in my family/social circle expects that any kids will be invited to weddings; the only exception is if they're members of the bridal party. And then, their parents usually have picked-up after the ceremony, or cocktail hour.

I have to agree it is a case by case basis and it is unfair to judge. With that being said I had a very similar experience as you did with my step family. My immediate family was wonderful step dad, sister, and brother were all do welcoming and loving and we have an amazing relationship. My step grandparents tried so hard to include me and love me like any other, which was awesome. Unfortunately all my step aunts ans uncles and step cousins never welcomed me and I was only 8. It was very hard and upsetting because I had done nothing wrong. I am now over it and if you don't want me in your family I won't try. I still invited all of them and only 4 of my step family are coming to the wedding! So I feel your pain op!

@beach babe

She is saying if someone is inviting the biological niece and nephew then they need to invite the step children as well... so she is saying you can't invite one child and not the other.

Im so very lucky that my FH and his family treat my daughter just like all the other kids. My FMIL never misses a chances to talk about "her granddaughter" and the entire family includes her the same as all the other young cousins. I've never had to worry for once second about her being excluded for being his step daughter. Everyone just calls her his daughter.