Step Mum (Mom) on the head table?

Maybe it's just me, but I do think it is very disrespectful not to include your stepmom at the head table. Is your mom remarried? If so, is her husband going to be at the head table? Hypothetically, if your mom was remarried, would you have her spouse with her. I don't think it is right to separate your stepmom from your dad. I don't think sitting her with him will take away anything from your mom.

Also, if he is helping to pay for it, he has a right to be able to sit with his wife.

I don't want to upset him, but what on earth do I do?

No Mum hasn't remarried.

Dad woudln't be sat next to mum anyway (or his wife is she was on the head table) was planning on:

[BM][MOTG][FOTB][BRIDE][GROOM][MOTB][FOTF][BM]

(only allowed 8 on the head table)

Maybe it's me, but I just don't see her at the head table, as she's not my Mum - maybe I'm wrong. And I wasn't going to sit her on her own, I would sit her with friends and as close a table as possible to where Dad was

That is a sticky situation because I can see both sides. I could definitely see where the Mom would be upset having her former husband at the head table with his new wife. However, it sucks for your dad too, since that is his wife.

We have similar situations, my dad is remarried and my mom is not. For this reason, along with a few others (i.e. bridal party members wives/husbands sitting alone) we are doing a sweetheart table where just the 2 of us (and maybe our daughter) sit at a table by ourselves and everone else sits at other tables. I have my mom and dad at tables across the room from each other, and they are happy with that.

Thanks, the best man's wife and children will be on another table (as will our kids).

Thanks for the opinions so far, so much to think about, not sure how to keep everyone happy, inc myself.

Maybe its a regional thing, but I've never actually been to a wedding where any of the parents were seated at the head table. In my experience its just the wedding party. That's how we're doing it. We're having us and all of the BMs & GM sit at the head table, and then on either side of the head table, we are reserving a table for my parents and a table for FILs. Would that help solve your problem, not having ANY parents at the head table?

Alternatively, you say you are only allowed 8 at the head table. Who is your dad suggesting you remove from your current arrangement to make room for step-mom? Maybe you could play it that way - there just isn't room for her.

Thanks dragonfly, given the wedding party only thing, Dad would need to be there anyway as he's giving a speach and I think Mum would be put out not being on the headtable (esp as she'd know it was only because of him).

The only 8 at the head table thing would also play into my Dad's 'I'll not sit at the head table at all' thing.

FH says to sod them all and put people where I want them but its not that easy (I know he just hates the fact its upsetting me).

I don't get why he has to be there to give the speech. I have seen fathers give speeches from the family table only. I have also never seen parents at the head table.

I think you are being rude to your stepmom. Whether she is a parental figure to you or not, she is your step mom and she is your father's wife. I would not hurt my father the way you have hurt yours but going out of my way to exclude his wife from the honor of being your stepmother on your wedding day. Right now all I her is how you feel, have you really thought about how this affects your father and your stepmother? Unless she has done something to you and she is an "evil stepmother" you should respect her as an extension of your respect for your father.

My step mum isn't evil, she's rather nice and I had a hand in getting her together with my Dad in the first place. But by which point I was an adult, so maybe that's why I don't see her in a more 'motherly' role.

I hadn't considered the head table as seating couples together, in fact I think its rather a tradition to split parents up in any case, so they sit next to their counter-part in-law. Maybe it's a british etiquette thing, I know I don't have to stick to it, but it's how I've always seen the head table. And I'm in a lose-lose situation, if I add her I upset my Mum, if I don't I don;t get to have my Dad sat next to me at the head table :/

Thankyou thou, I appreciate your candid answers. It probably doesn't sound like it but I do feel for my Step mother esp as she won't know as many people there, and so have been making an effort to introduce her to my future in-laws etc, but I know during the ceremony etc she will be OK seated with my Dad's family.

Here is the traditional head table I'm used to:

http://www.countybride.co.uk/images/cms/seating1.gif

There is this guide for if both my parent had re-married:

http://www.countybride.co.uk/images/cms/seating4.gif

But then I'd be upsetting my Mum.

Why would it be upsetting your mum?

Good question. I haven't gotten a straight answer from her really. I just got the impression that she didn't think my stepmum had as much of a right to be there, and she seemed hurt by the suggestion.

Thankyou angain ladies, talking it through is helping me work out what the actual problem is and hopefuly I can find a solution.

I have the exact same problem with my father and step mum. and believe me when I say exactly!

I don't know how you felt but I feel the fact that he thinks it would be Ok to refuse to sit in a place of honor to "support his wife" (that's a direct quote from my dad). To then give a speech from a different table is just salt in the wound. I feel it shows a disloyalty and disrespect to my existing and new family. It also made me really angry because my fiancee and I are working really hard to make sure we pay for our wedding independently and without getting ourselves in debt, so he has no stake in the wedding to insist he has his own way. Needless to say that should he carry through with this threat, I will not allow him to have any of the father of the bride responsibilities at all, as i refuse to have me and my fiancee be disrespected so publicly.