Step Daughter Dilemma

If you didn't know she didn't like you, why would you think she would start drama at your wedding? Seems like she's been acting normally around you...

Coming from someone who's parent dated a lot when I was in my late teens/early twenties I get it. My sister was worse than I was, too and she's older than me. Kids are protective over their parents. We would not give any of my dad's gfs the time of day until they had been together for a while. I don't know the dynamics of the relationship between the two of you, all I can say is try your best and just be understanding.

She is fine around me. But after talking to my younger step Daughter this evening, she let it slip, and makes me feel like she has been kissing ass to my face, but talking shit behind my back. Maybe I'm being paranoid, but I actually got a weird vibe when I talked to her earlier, wayyyyy before I talked to the youngest one. Maybe I'm over reacting. My emotions are in overdrive with 3 weeks until our wedding day lol

If you didn't know she didn't like you, then she's very unlikely to start drama at your wedding. She's been keeping it in until now, right? She'll hold it together.

Also, it was totally inappropriate for her sister to say anything to you. If she's been polite enough to your face that you didn't know she didn't like you then it's the youngest daughter who's doing the shit-stirring by introducing you to unpleasantness and doubt you had no reason to be worried about before. How do you even know she's telling the truth?

@Melissa, thank you for your thoughtful comment. I have been very understanding, and tried to bond with my girls. They have issues with their mother, that I won't go into, but I totally get it. Just don't want her to dislike me for zero reason at all what so ever.

@Delfina, spot on. It crossed my mind that younger sis was perhaps stirring the pot also. I just mind my own damn business, I don't get involved in their differences. I'm neutral as can be. I don't know what to feel about it honestly. I just got an eery vibe about the entire situation for some reason

I mostly lurk, and absorb all you guys knowledge lol but this irks the shit out of me for some reason lol

Ignore it. Enjoy your wedding and your marriage and keep treating his daughters in a friendly manner. Either they'll genuinely come to appreciate your presence in their father's life as they see him happy and enjoying his new marriage or they'll continue faking it so well that you don't need to worry about it.

If they were children who lived you with it would be a different situation, but these are grown adults with their own lives. I don't especially like my stepfather. There's nothing wrong with him, I just think he's boring and he makes weird loud noises a lot. But so what? My mother loves him and she'd be all alone without him, so I can smile and make small talk for a couple of hours when we happen to be together. That's how families work, in a lot of ways.

Thank you so much @Delfina! That's pretty much how I feel about the entire situation, but I'm an emotional mess this week for some reason... LMAO @ he's kinda boring! Nobody likes a bore I suppose, and I'm a cool ass step mom! Thanks for your words! They have calmed me more than you know. In addition to the wine

I gained a 24 yo stepdaughter, 20 yo stepdaughter, and 15 yo stepson when I married. Stepson had lived with us for the year prior to marrying and it was bumpy for a while...well, still sometimes. Dh has always had custody of the kids. He had two previous, longer-term relationships prior to me. In fact, he was engaged and with a woman for 5 years prior to me. Previous female figures in their lives need to be considered, too. His kids, particularly after the broken engagement (ended 2 years prior to meeting me), didn't want to get too close and were very standoffish in regards to me. His 20 yo (19 at the time) got into a huge blowup with DH about 5 months prior to the wedding and kept saying "your GIRLFRIEND" knowing we were engaged, just to piss him off. It wasn't even about me or anything related to me, but it was her way of letting him know she was mad at him, and I was her handiest weapon. It boiled down to her being 19, pissed at living as an adult, in her own place, with her boyfriend, getting into a mess we couldn't/wouldn't bail her out of. I was just a convenient target.

Now, more than 6 months after the wedding, I get along really well with his daughters. Both tell me they love me regularly, and they call me out of the blue just to chat. The son, of course, is a typical teen and gets crappy with me when I tell him he needs to do his laundry or whatever.

I think you are in the right to remain neutral. Consider if there have been other women in his dating experience to come into and out of their lives (in addition to their mother) and how they may even feel like they are betraying someone in liking you. Even in their 20's, it can be a hard thing to deal with. Try not to take it too personally. I can't imagine they would want to make a scene at their dad's wedding (and that is what they are attending from their perspective....not yours and his, but his). They will play nice at the wedding, just as they will for holidays. It might take effort, or it might be effortless in some time.

I guess because I don't really have any family left, other than my precious, kick ass granny, I suppose I just want them to like me. I've been very understanding, and never overstepped my boundaries. I just wanna be happy at the end of the day. Which I am. PS. Wedding day in 26 days!! Yeah baby! <3

Hey look, things can get tough with emotions when wedding planning. I got along well with my stepmom (she's 9 years older than me) pretty well. Only hiccup was when I was about 15 (I hated everyone lol)... until she and my father announced their wedding. Tensions ran high, and I had a lot of feelings I kept inside, especially when it came to her family (my dad and stepmom were not allowed to publicly associate for over 12 years because her family hated my dad openly. They cost him his job and them both many years of happiness. We as his kids stayed out of it. But once everyone was all "happily-wedding-planning" and seemed to forget the difficult years her parents caused... well, I didn't realize how much anger we harbored. It was odd; I truly wanted them to be happy but certain things would really grind my gears.

They are adults and they will put their feelings aside (I'm sure that they want you and their dad to be happy above all else).

Glad I could help! Enjoy your wine and don't worry about this stuff. It'll all be ok!

@underthejunewillows that's actually very accurate to my situation! The holidays were great when they come up here. I'm just gonna sit back and let it ride. Thanks so much for reminding me what it was like when I was their age!!!! <3

@Vicki! Thanks for helping put things in perspective. I do think they want their dad happy. And he is. Extremely happy! I can't wait to call him my Mr. in 26 days.

@Delfina... CHEERS! FH is on a hunting trip, and this is the 1st night I've spent alone in this house since we moved in. I'm probably totally over reacting, as emotions are running high. I'm also high on wedding planning

I'm glad my kids are young and my FH doesn't have any of his own. My kids love him though

@UnderTheJuneWillows... I have a 24 YO stepdaughter, a 20 YO stepdaughter, and a barely 19 YO stepson. I'm learning the ropes, thankfully

So I didn't read all the comments so I'm just jumping straight in.

Coming from someone who's father has been married twice and dated multiple times during my late teens/early twenties: I am the eldest of my siblings and by far the worst for all these women to deal with. I was very protective of my father and often didn't feel like these women were good enough for him, regardless of how good or bad their relationship was. It doesn't often matter how long parents have been separated, the issues for the children can linger. If she's been good to your face, that's a good start.

When my father married his second wife, I absolutely hated her. I'm going to be honest when I say I was NOT nice to this women. Not at all. However, at their wedding I was polite and kind because that's what you do at a wedding. It isn't the place for drama and causing a scene. So if she's already kind to your face, I doubt the wedding will be the place that she starts acting up. I know everybody is different, but I honestly wouldn't expect much if she's been behaving well so far.

Like I said, I was behaving badly and all I did was drink too much and leave early.

And, I'm probably biases, but try to be patient with her. These things are hard on everybody, and she could simply be having a hard time dealing with the changes.

@new thanks! I'm hoping she will come around