S
Just Said Yes May 2022

Step-dad forcing me to put step-sister in my wedding

Susie, on April 30, 2020 at 2:16 PM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 24

Hi everyone, I’m in need of some advice. My step-dad is telling me I need to put my step-sister in my wedding or else he’s not contributing and will not be coming. Some background: I’m 25 and we’re planning our wedding for 2022. My step-dad has always been extremely manipulative, it’s always “my...

Hi everyone,

I’m in need of some advice. My step-dad is telling me I need to put my step-sister in my wedding or else he’s not contributing and will not be coming. Some background:
I’m 25 and we’re planning our wedding for 2022. My step-dad has always been extremely manipulative, it’s always “my way or the highway” with him. He has two daughters, one who would probably go out of her way to do something on my big day to ruin it, and the other who is my age and is just as manipulative as he is, we’ll call her Stacey!! Stacey is the daughter he wants in the wedding.
A little story on Stacey: her freshman year at college, she told people she was me and literally gave MY phone number out to people. I received a text from a guy asking to “meet him at the quad.” I did not have a “quad” at my school and I was in my dorm unpacking at the time. He explained that he was literally just talking to me but that was impossible since I was in my dorm. Stacey was also rushing that day and introduced herself as me. One of my girlfriends sent me a picture of her asking why this random girl was introducing her self as me, turns out it was Stacey. I sent a picture to the guy that texted me earlier in the day, he confirmed it was also Stacey. I told my mom but nothing ever came of it. From that point on, I really just kept my distance from her. We’ve never been close!!
Fast forward to now. Still not close!! I have my bridal party picked out, I’ve been ordering all sorts of personalized stuff to put in their proposals. I told my mom from that start that I didn’t want either of my step-sisters in my bridal party - I’d be more than happy to find a role for them but they will not be bridesmaids. She was ok with it, as I’m not close with them. But not my are-dad is saying that he’s not going to contribute financially, and that none of his family will come if she is not a bridesmaid.
My thoughts: This day is about my fiancé and I. He’s making it about his daughter by threatening that he won’t be involved if she isn’t. It’s only been a few months and he’s already “strong-arming” me on this. If he’s serious, I think it’s so messed up and he will completely sever whatever relationship we have with him. I obviously want him there, but I do not want my stepsister in my wedding.
Has anyone been through this?? Does anyone have any advice??

24 Comments

  • A
    Dedicated September 2020
    Alys ·
    • Flag
    Decline his money and do NOT include anyone in your bridal party you don’t want. Hell you don’t even have to invite your stepfather or stepsister. It’s your wedding. Nobody is entitled to attend your event if you don’t want them there.
    • Reply
  • Bianca
    Beginner June 2020
    Bianca ·
    • Flag

    Speak now or forever hold your peace. If he is manipulative in the past, he will forever throw the wedding back into your face. Giving you an ultimatum for your big day to force you to include your step-sister who you don't get along well with is a recipe for disaster. Pay for your own wedding. No one wants strings attached because strings make you a puppet.

    • Reply
  • S
    Just Said Yes May 2022
    Susie ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    You are so right. Thank you Bianca!
    • Reply
  • Anna
    VIP October 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag
    That sucks. It really does, but family members can decide to contribute money or not. I personally don’t think you should make her bridesmaid just because he says so. And threatening me would make me want to choose her even less. But the thing is he can contribute money or not. There’s nothing anywhere that says he has to help pay for your wedding no matter what. I would just say fine, I don’t need your money and depending on your personal finances that might be a hard pill to swallow. Or maybe you just need to rethink how you can plan a wedding on a revised budget.
    • Reply

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