Step Child Vows

I don't want him to feel like I'm only marrying his dad. He is just as important to me

I would be very careful. Especially if the mom is still alive, any ceremony that indicates that the child is now part of your family might be regarded as saying that the child is no longer part of the mom's family. The child may be important to you, but your relationship with the child is not the same. If I were you, I would take this slow. Good luck.

But he is going to be part of my family. He is old enough to know I'm not his mom. He has never even asked to call me that. We have had conversations with him about it so he knows that I can never replace her and that is not what I would ever try to do. Honestly I have no issues with the mom. Luckily I still have time to think about.

My mom married my step father when I was 10. I don't remember the exact wording, but I remember us kids were included. It didn't bother me at the time, but the wedding was full of my parents friends, not mine. We also gave my mom away. Lastly my parents got a matching family bands.

I disagree with Karen. You are marrying into the family. Kind of hard to take it slow at that point. Either the child has warmed up to you or not. Either the mom is aware of you and your new role/accepts or isn't/doesn't.

I do agree with an another poster, that it depends on the age of the child, their personality and their response to the wedding.

My son is 6, very excited about wedding (he thought we were already married) and calls FH "dad" by choice and also calls his dad, "dad". Both men get along and are very active in everything he does. I personally plan on including him, he is giving me away, and FH is including him, a line or so, in his vows. Little man will be dressed up and chilling with the FH and his groomsmen when they get ready. And will get a special "groom" gift from step-dad to son.

My mom married my stepdad when I was six, and rather than having him say anything to me, they had the officiant say a few words about love and family. They had me stand between them, my stepdad put a necklace on me that had three interlocking circles representing us as a family unit, and then we were 'presented' to the congregation as a family.

@2b_Mrs_J.T. your son is giving you away? I totally understand him walking you down the aisle so you could all be at the alter as a family, but I don't think he should be giving you away, that is for a parent to do, not a child, he isn't losing his mother, he is gaining another parent! Maybe the officiant could word it differently?

I didn't say vows to my stepsons, but we included them in other ways. They were the best man and ring bearer, and we did a unity sand ceremony together to symbolize that we were becoming a family.

In my vows, I included one line to my husband that said I would continue to love his children as if they were my own, and work with him to create a happy life for our family. I didn't say any vows directly to my stepsons, because the marriage is between spouses. They know that I love them and care for them, and by marrying their father I am promising to be there for them.

My FH has two children and I can't wait to officially be a step Mom. I thought about doing something but I know they will not be comfortable in front of all those people. They will both be in the wedding but I'm not even making them stand up there during the ceremony. Every child is different but it's something to consider.

When my mom married my step dad I was 9. The officiant just made a little speech about becoming a family and we did a family unity candle. They also incorporated a family pin they both pinned on me together after they exchanged rings. It was a keepsake and also make it short and sweet

@robin yes my son is "giving me away", taking the place of my father as we walk down the aisle. Despite how it is called, tomato, tomatoe. the action will be the same. My father already did it once and my son understands that this marriage is between husband and wife, not mother and son. Your opinion is different, and thats okay, I just know my son. he isn't losing his mother, he is gaining a step dad. He knows this. After he puts my hand, in my FH hand, he is going to stand next to him as his new stepson.

If your FH's child is close to his mother, hell, if he spends time with her... If she's alive, you definitely should include him, but steer clear of the vows. ;-)

Good points from everyone. Thanks.

I have 3 children. We did not say vows to the kids but I did add a couple lines to his just saying that he promises to help guide them through life etc... it was nice. The kids heard it but it was more directed toward me as i felt it was an important acknowledgement that i am a package deal.

@Rebecca and Karen- why does it matter if the mother is still living? I don't know any kids who would be confused by who their biological parents are. Both my parents got remarried when I was three and I never even questioned who those step parents were to me. I loved them like parents and even called my step mom Mom. I know quite a few step Moms who are called Mom by the kids and are just as close to the step parent as they are their blood parents. Isn't that a good thing?? Are you coming from a Momma Bear perspective? Just curious.

I think it's a great idea. My FH and I intend on doing this same thing. Him to my daughter and me to his. We are also going to be presenting them with blended family necklaces, which are 3 circles interlocking together to represent our new family. And personally, I feel like if bio mom has an issue with it she is childish. As a mother she should welcome a stepmother who adores her son to much that she would do this. My FSD's mom has admits she has a bit of jealousy but more than that she thanks me for being there for her daughter as if she's my own.