Step Child Vows

I'm personally not a fan of vows to children during the ceremony. I would say something privately and basically just promise that you'll always be there to support him and to love him. He's nine. Keep it short.

No advice... commenting mostly to follow this post, as my FH has a 15 year-old daughter, and I am trying to figure out how to incorporate her into our ceremony in a way that is meaningful, but won't embarrass her since she's a too cool for school teen

Edit: Didn't see @celia's comment prior to commenting, but great point! I will probably do something more privately

I'm with Celia... I have a child as does my husband. We did not say vows to them. Kids embarrass easily and I didn't want our kids to be uncomfortable. They stood by our sides during the ceremony though.

I have had people tell me both. No say private to the child and others tell me that it would me nice to say something..Its very confusing.

Oh wow. No. I wouldn't do this, if his mother is still living and in his life.

In a private setting, you could present him with something, a physical thing, and tell him how you feel about him. Maybe let him know he has one more person "on his team" for his whole life, that you're glad to get to be his stepmom.

You know the child best... if he won't be uncomfortable then do it. My son is 10 and would have been embarrassed.

Hmm.. okay gives me something to think about.

I'm planning to say that I'll always put our family first, but it won't be specific. My future step son is 11

My kids are in the wedding party, all of them, but we won't be saying anything to them vow wise, or doing a family unit thing as part of the ceremony.

I like the idea of making your vows more family-centric versus just "you and me" feel.

Maybe say a special line about family and make eye contact with his son so he knows you mean him.

I wouldn't write vows specifically to your FH's son, but I would think it's nice if there was something like "I promise to always love _____ as my own" so there's a nod to him and he's included without a whole paragraph of vows to just him

What does FH think? Have you talked to FH's mom or family about your intentions to say vows? I think asking them and FSS will give you a better gauge on the best course of action.

In my 1st wedding, I said vows to my step daughter and even after the marriage ended I kept those vows.. planning to do the same this time around...

I'm not doing vows per say, but I'd like to get my future step kids a little gift with a note that says "When I promise your dad forever, I promise you forever, too"

All good points..Thanks

Strictly my opinion and I am sure a lot will disagree with me but... please be careful when you make promises to kids. I know you have good intentions and of course can't imagine divorce but it is always a possibility. Step kids have already had their parents split up once and if something were to happen (yes god forbid) it could be horrible for them. Yes, it would be bad for them either way but depending on their age the promise you make to them during the ceremony could make it worse.

Just my opinion.

I found some just by googling blended family vows. I'm writing my own but the ones I came across were inspirational.

I've had a number of couples include their kids in sand/water/glass/candle ceremonies. I really love the sand because the reading I use basically says that while everyone is not 'blending together', each member of the family brings 'color' to the family and that's what makes your family what it is!

(I also suggest that you collectively shake the family vessel every year so the pattern of the sand shifts as your family evolves....I also invite everyone to include a charm, a little toy, a bead; something in that vessel, so as they shake it, those mementos become more visible.

It includes the kids in a way that doesn't really put them on the spot.

I think including the kids in vows or not depends on the kids age, their response to the wedding/marriage, and their personality.

My daughter is seven, highly sentimental, and extremely excited about the wedding and being in a family with FH. I think it will make her feel really special that we intentionally included her. I come from divorced parents, my dad remarried and had more kids when I was a teenager (shortly after my parents divorce) and although he didn't do it intentionally, I never quite felt included as part of the new family. I always felt kind of like leftovers from the broken marriage. I am dedicated to making sure my daughter never feels that way. Maybe that's why it's more important for me. To each, their own.

He is also very excited for the wedding. I haven't spoken to anyone about it yet because I wanted to see what other people were doing before I got my family involved. We are a very sentimental family. Our time together is so important. I would never make promises I couldn't keep but I see the concern there. He is not shy by any means so I'm not concerned about embarrassment. I guess I could just ask him if it would be okay if I said something to him during the ceremony.