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Just Said Yes June 2023

Stealing the spotlight

Martha, on February 10, 2021 at 8:57 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 22

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My fiancé and I have been together for 6 years and engaged for 1 year. We were supposed to have an engagement party last April but because of COVID it was canceled. We still would like to have one but in May or June of this year. Our wedding date is June 2022. My fiancé’s sister is going to get engaged next month. We think that they will try to take away the attention from us for this year (and next) and want to have an engagement party right after ours in July and then try to get married in 2022, because they are older than us but have been together for the same amount of time. My fiancé’s mother has already told the rest of the family that she isn’t paying for anything if they want to get married in 2022 because that isn’t fair to us or to her because that’s a lot of money to spend in one year. But I feel like if they wanted to get married earlier, then he should have proposed earlier. They have known they wanted to get married for about 2 years now, so why is it that whenever something happens to us, there they are trailing right behind us, almost like they are trying to play catch up in a game we don’t want to play! Any advice on how to deal with this issue?!

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22 Comments

Latest activity by Vicky, on February 11, 2021 at 10:34 PM

Super December 2020
Anais · on February 10, 2021 at 9:06 PM
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Honestly, I’m not sure where the issue is because I don’t think they’re stealing your spotlight. Your families will be able to celebrate both your weddings and I would guess that you have different friend groups. Don’t make this an issue with them, just try to work with them on your wedding dates. If your family has to travel and spend money on lodging, it would be nice to have them spaced out a few weeks, but if they’re local I don’t think you need to worry about the dates being too close.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on February 10, 2021 at 9:23 PM
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There's no issue to deal with.
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on February 10, 2021 at 9:27 PM
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I want to make sure I’m understanding correctly...you’ve been engaged for an entire year and you think they’re trying to steal your spotlight by getting engaged now? And you’re upset that they might HYPOTHETICALLY want to have an engagement party shortly after their proposal, well over one year after yours? And they might want to get married in the same year as you...? You’ve been engaged for over a year. Your new exciting engagement moment has passed. Let them have theirs. If anything, it sounds like you’re the one trying to steal their spotlight.
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Super June 2021
Melanie · on February 10, 2021 at 9:42 PM
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I think you're premeditating issues here. Let them plan their wedding and you plan yours, it's not a competition. If they have an engagement party in July and gets married in 2022, that's a perfectly normal timeline and you can't fault them for that. Also, even though they knew they wanted to get married 2 years ago, there could be a million reasons why he didn't propose. He waited an entire year to after you got engaged to propose. I wouldn't call that trailing right behind you
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Super May 2021
Stacey · on February 10, 2021 at 9:45 PM
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There’s literally no issue here, except jealousy. I’m sure your family and friends have enough love and happiness in their hearts to celebrate both couples! Honestly, it’s likely you may have children around the same time, too, and if you keep scorekeeping and comparing lives, you’re going to carry these ill feelings into that situation also, so best to nip it in the bud now. It’s not a competition.
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Super April 2021
Tiger Bride · on February 10, 2021 at 10:08 PM
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This can't be real. There is over a year between your engagement and his sister's engagement, and you want them to wait...til when? Another year? That's completely unreasonable, as is being upset that they're getting married in 2022. A year is a perfectly reasonable amount of time to be engaged and plan a wedding.
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Dedicated April 2022
Marshaya · on February 10, 2021 at 10:22 PM
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Here's a solution to "You're problem "
Have a double wedding!
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on February 10, 2021 at 10:26 PM
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Emotions run high when planning a wedding, especially during a pandemic. However, you can’t dominate when they get engaged or have their engagement party. Stick to planning your wedding & don’t worry about their wedding.
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Devoted March 2022
Apryl · on February 10, 2021 at 11:07 PM
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I think you're creating a problem where there isn't one.
People can be happy for all of you.
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Super September 2021
Sharon · on February 10, 2021 at 11:28 PM
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"We think that they will try to take away the attention from us for this year (and next)". So in addition to having the last year as the only ones engaged you expect the next 2 years to be all about you and only you also? No one is going to put their life on hold so you can have all the attention for the next two years. There's plenty of time in one year for you both to have the spotlight.
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VIP December 2021
mrswinteriscoming · on February 10, 2021 at 11:38 PM
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I second this.
Your FSIL is just as much entitled to her happiness and the choice to have her wedding whenever she wants to, just like you are. Your wedding does not block out a set period of time for those around you. Your FSIL is allowed to celebrate her engagement when she wants and is allowed to get married when she wants. The only obligation she owes you in this regard (not to ‘steal your spotlight’) is to not plan anything for your wedding day.

Weddings can bring out the best and worst in people – do not create drama over something so trivial.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on February 11, 2021 at 4:58 AM
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I agree.

The only issue here is the one you are trying to make up.
You are painting them to be these people who purposely go around doing exactly what you guys do to take your attention away. When in reality just like
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on February 11, 2021 at 5:08 AM
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Agree.

The only issue here is the one you are trying to make up.
You are painting them to be these people who purposely go around doing exactly what you guys do to take the attention away from you guys. You are assuming they will have an engagement party right after you, I get why you would be annoyed but you have been engaged for a whole year. Let them have their excitement. Nobody is going to forget all about you guys now that they are engaged. And it sounds like the mother is making sure both wedding are getting the same treatment. I really don't see the issue
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on February 11, 2021 at 5:14 AM
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Thank you, you put it perfectly.
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VIP August 2021
Katie · on February 11, 2021 at 5:47 AM
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Thank you 👏👏
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Master April 2021
Mrs. Spring · on February 11, 2021 at 8:51 AM
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I'm confused. There is no issue here to deal with
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Master September 2019
Sarah · on February 11, 2021 at 10:44 AM
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I didn’t realize everyone was supposed to get engaged and married on the same timeline. They aren’t trying to play catch up. They’re getting engaged and want an engagement party (which is usually right after the engagement) and they want to get married next year which is a perfectly reasonable engagement length. Maybe they don’t care for parental financial support. You’re making a mountain out of a mole hill and the only one who is going to look ridiculous in this situation is you.
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Dedicated November 2021
Claudia · on February 11, 2021 at 11:14 AM
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This is such a non-issue. You can't control or dictate when or how others move on with their lives.
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Master January 2022
SLY · on February 11, 2021 at 11:26 AM
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Yeah I agree with this....there's literally no issue here. Nothing of what you've said has sounded like they're trying to 'steal the spotlight' from you. Like Caytlyn said, you've been engaged for a year. Not to sound harsh, but your excitement phase has passed, and it's time to let them have a moment to be excited.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on February 11, 2021 at 1:37 PM
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"Any advice on how to deal with this issue?!"
Yes, vent to your future spouse and then choose to move past your jealousy and just get on with your life. Learn to make your own happiness and stop relying on outside validation. You may not like your future sister-in-law much, but at least pretend to be happy for her. There is literally nothing else for you to do.
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