"sorry you are not invited" cards

Send them out never. I would be pretty taken aback if I got one of these. If people ask you can tell them you are keeping the ceremony small and when you post pictures eventually, they will see that not many people were there.

Do not send these out! That would be terrible

...

You want to send out a card telling people they aren’t invited?

That sounds awful.

I think it’s completely unnecessary and will cause much more hurt and angry feelings than if you send them nothing. I agree with Valerie’s suggestion to only respond if you’re asked.

I definitely wouldn't do that. I agree with the comment above, if they ask just explain you're having an intimate wedding.

OMG....no offense, but I would strongly recommend you DO NOT do this! If I was a recipient, I would find this really odd and a little offensive myself. It is better just to plan a small wedding without notifying people they aren't invited. If it comes up in conversation, there is nothing wrong with telling them all of that, but please do not send those cards out!

This is a terrible idea. Don’t send them out ever.

I agree that it’s a bad idea and just asking for trouble. I would say if anyone reaches out to you, you can tell them that. But I’d be really hurt if I got something like that in the mail.

If I got something in the mail I would probably assume it was an invitation. IMAGINE getting all excited and having your heart crushed? Ouch bad idea

Lol I'm glad you didnt go with this idea. Its really impolite.

Just pull up this post and show the responses to your fiance. 😊

I don't think you need to do anything for those not invited. They'll find out you were married one way or another. I don't even know if people send out announcements anymore if they had an actual ceremony and reception, albeit smaller.

Maybe to appease your fiance, you can send marriage announcements after to those people. Just something that says we got married with a small ceremony and thank them for their love and support. So I dont know all of etiquette, so some people may not agree with this either, but I've heard of plenty of people announcing their wedding after the fact when they have small weddings. Plus this way the people you're sending them to will probably already know they weren't invited, by seeing photos and stuff, but they'll still know you thought of them. Just an idea. Good luck!

I would likely end the friendship if I received that.

I agree with Brae. I'm sending out wedding announcements to people we aren't inviting due to keeping within budget. Just mentioning how it was a small ceremony and thanking them for the well wishes along the way.

Wedding announcements are a very traditional option to send to those not invited. They are dropped in the mail the day after the wedding or the day of if the wedding is early in the day. Just don't send them before the wedding because sometimes completely unexpected things happen (floods, tornadoes, illness, fire, travel plans fall through,... Yes I realize I'm being a bit dramatic and gloomy but sometimes stuff happens)

Bride and Groom
announce their marriage on
date
place

if you have a new address add it on the bottom

If a parent wants to issue them

Parent(s)
announce(s) the marriage of his/her/their daughter/son/children
Daughter or Son depending on is issuing it
to or and if coming from both sets
Son or Daughter
date
place

address if appropriate

Personally, this sounds a little insane to me. If people ask, you can just tell them you are having a smaller ceremony. 40 people isn't small enough for eloping or sending marriage announcements. So I'd just tell your fiance the cards will come off as "hey you aren't invited so sorry about that but FYI we are getting married so if you want to send a gift that's cool". That's how I would read it at least.

The non invitation sounds horrible. Wedding announcements after are a great idea. I received one from a close friend who eloped in the Caribbean. I wasnt upset at all. It was nice receiving a pic of their wedding and I actually sent them a gift.

Ha, to answer your new question, I think announcements after the wedding are a great option : get a nice picture of the two of you, use phrasing like “...were married in an intimate ceremony on ...” — gets the small/close/personal message across without being so in-your-face:you didn’t make the cut

If Dad insists, then he gets the first one.

Another vote for announcements after the fact. Sending out something before, letting them know they did not make the cut is just rude. I think your FIL's heart is in the right place. The wording and timing was just off.

Congratulations on your intimate wedding. You will love it!