Alforev
VIP August 2018

Social Media Announcement?

Alforev, on July 25, 2017 at 6:41 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 24
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So it seems like a girl on my Facebook just announced that she's been married for sixth months. Apparently, her and her husband had eloped and told no one, not even family. I wish I was kidding but it seems like this Facebook post was how everyone - including her family - found out that she was married. Kinda weird. I just figured I'd share to say it's probably not a good idea to do that. It seems like she's going to be facing a lot of drama for this.

Eloping is one thing, definitely a choice all are welcome to make. It's just not wise to notify your family months later on Facebook as you're also telling your friends who should mean little in comparison to your family.

24 Comments

  • FutureMrs.L
    Master September 2018
    FutureMrs.L ·
    • Flag

    Oh wow that's awful. My family and friends would be so hurt and upset.

    We haven't announced on fb our engagement. We're planning to next month with our epics we're getting done. Smiley smile

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  • Katy
    VIP June 2018
    Katy ·
    • Flag

    I hate how okay people are with the impersonalized social media notification regarding huge life events. I found out my only sibling was engaged via Facebook. I also found out my BM had her baby via Facebook. It's devastating. At least call a person ya know?

    • Reply
  • Bemyguest
    Master April 2017
    Bemyguest ·
    • Flag

    Wow. I post almost nothing on social media so this is so cringe worthy to me!

    • Reply
  • Spaghetti
    VIP November 2018
    Spaghetti ·
    • Flag

    Another huge pet peeve of mine about this is when people share news that isn't theirs to share. If someone has their baby or is engaged but hasn't announced it themselves, it's not your news to share!

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  • Tiffany
    Devoted August 2017
    Tiffany ·
    • Flag

    The only thing I can think of to make that slightly okay with not telling the family some other way is that they potentially are super unsupportive of the relationship or there's some major family animosity.

    • Reply
  • GymRat
    Master May 2017
    GymRat ·
    • Flag

    Maybe they don't speak to their family? Do you know their relationship dynamics? Not being snarky, I'm genuinely asking.

    Also, for some people their friends ARE their family, so I don’t agree with your comment of, “...your friends who should mean little in comparison to your family.”. I invited lots of friends over family to my wedding, and I don't give a shit. I'm closer to them than some distant cousin who I see only at funerals. H has less than 40 family members and he only invited about 20, yet he invited over 60 friends, and that's not even all of them. He has tons of friends he's very close to.

    • Reply
  • Melissa
    Master March 2018
    Melissa ·
    • Flag

    My father would be livid and devastated. I can't imagine that being a good idea.

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  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
    • Flag

    @gymrat I don't know her well but I'm going by how her parents reacted to her post... let's just say it wasn't pretty. Lots of hurt feelings and friends commenting to her saying "I hope you told your family"... it was a bizarre post. I would share it here but I don't feel comfortable sharing someone else's Facebook post with their name and picture.

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  • Beutivant
    Master May 2016
    Beutivant ·
    • Flag

    I eloped. Only my mother, father, sister and my MIL knew beforehand (but were not in attendance). Everyone else found out after the fact. DH called his Dad and sisters the next day and told them we got married. My mom called her sisters and told them the next day. And I texted a couple of close friends the next day. Everyone else found out via Facebook when we got back from Vegas two days later. And we received nothing but congratulations. No one was upset.

    For those who think this is wrong, Is it the time frame (the six months later) that disturbs you or just the Facebook announcement?

    FWIW, like GymRat, your comment "friends who should mean little in comparison to your family" rubs me the wrong way. I don't think that statement is true for everyone.

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  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
    • Flag

    It's the time frame plus the Facebook announcement and the fact that that is how everyone including her family found out she was married. It's hard to explain without showing you but the Facebook post had a definitely attitude to it that was just uncomfortable to read as an outsider. I felt very bad for her family.

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  • IdahoBride
    Devoted July 2018
    IdahoBride ·
    • Flag

    My sister did that. But she is a bitch (excuse my language but she is). My dad was pretty hurt but she doesn't care about anyone but herself so we expected something like this. She also didn't tell anyone she was pregnant either time (she has 2 kids) until baby pics popped up Facebook. *eye roll*

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  • Beutivant
    Master May 2016
    Beutivant ·
    • Flag

    Waiting six months does make me wonder. Like they were hiding it for some reason.

    • Reply
  • Alforev
    VIP August 2018
    Alforev ·
    • Flag

    Oh wow @idahobride

    I just couldn't imagine hurting my family like that. I understand eloping. But I feel like if you want to elope without anyone knowing, you should at least tell those you're close to prior to announcing it on facebook for the whole world to see.

    • Reply
  • RaeGin
    Master September 2017
    RaeGin ·
    • Flag

    @spaghetti, yes! Huge pet peeve. I've seen people announce other people's engagements, and once saw someone announce someone's death (after his wife had asked for time to process her loss before sharing with the world)

    • Reply
  • Lauren
    Expert September 2017
    Lauren ·
    • Flag

    A girl on my Facebook announced a month or so after her wedding that she and her husband had actually gotten married about 7 months before. I'm pretty sure she only came out with that news because she was also announcing her pregnancy and she's religious so I'm assuming she didn't want anyone thinking she got pregnant before she was married.

    It's a different situation but it still made me cringe because I personally think if you still plan on having a wedding after eloping, people should know it's not technically the day you're getting married.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP July 2017
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag

    @Lauren that's crazy! One of my friends and her husband both waited until marriage. They both talked a lot about eloping (according to her) and still throwing the wedding, but thankfully decided against it due to not wanting to hurt family and friends. Also they felt as if it was more of a religious than a legal thing, so they wanted to make there vows to God, in church, before having sex. She told me after about her decision and how hard it was for them to wait until the wedding.

    I have total respect for anyone who decides to wait to have sex. But doing something like that just to have sex is pretty bizarre to me.

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  • BlueHenBride
    Master March 2017
    BlueHenBride ·
    • Flag

    I have a friend who eloped and kept her marriage secret from everyone. They planned to get fake engaged during their first year of marriage and plan a big, fake wedding on their one year anniversary.

    They conceived the night they eloped and after being married for two months and finding out they were pregnant, they came clean. They at least did take the time to break the news of their marriage and their pregnancy to their families before they posted about it on social media, but she told me it was a very hard and uncomfortable conversation with their families. They basically had to tell them 1) they eloped and purposely did not tell them, 2) they planned to lie to them for an entire year by hiding their marriage and getting fake engaged so they could let their family and friends think they were witnessing an actual wedding a year later, 3) they decided to do this after having dated for 2.5 weeks, and 4) they were only mentioning it now because *surprise* you're going to be grandparents! I am sure that reading about your daughter or son's elopement on social media months after it happened is upsetting, but I don't think being told in person months later is any picnic, either. Family and close friends absolutely deserve to hear that kind of news first, but it's the keeping it a secret for months that just kills me.

    My friend's eventual FB announcement was so blasé, too. It made light of the whole situation and it just seemed like it was no big deal to her that she and her DH were planning to lie to all their family and friends for an entire year or that the news of their elopement a few months ago and that they had a baby on the way wouldn't be shocking to everyone they hadn't told personally, yet. Heck, she took the time to tell me before announcing it on FB and I was still flabbergasted by so many aspects of it. Fortunately, she didn't tell everyone on FB about their fake engagement and wedding plan. That detail was reserved for everyone they did tell personally.

    • Reply
  • Beutivant
    Master May 2016
    Beutivant ·
    • Flag

    @BHB- OMG. That's so crazy.

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  • Mrs&MrsToBe
    Super September 2017
    Mrs&MrsToBe ·
    • Flag

    My cousin recently did this! NONE of her family knew, only a couple of friends that they were on vacation with knew it was happening. And we all found out on Facebook. Groom's parents didn't know either. Of course, I'm pretty sure she did this on purpose because they have had a very tumultuous 10-yr relationship and a lot of her family would have tried to talk her out of it. She even had him arrested about 5-6 yrs ago when he hit her. She says he's grown up now; all I can say is he better treat her good!

    • Reply
  • MrsVtoBe
    Devoted January 2018
    MrsVtoBe ·
    • Flag

    Super inconsiderate! I swear, some people don't seem to care that social media is an impersonal way to deliver life changing news to your family!

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