Jennifer
VIP October 2021

Social Distancing

Jennifer, on April 8, 2020 at 10:18 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 29
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Okay, as the entire world knows we are Supposed to be socially distancing from one another.


In MY mind this means ANYONE who does NOT live with you does Not come over.
In my fiancé’s mind this means having his friend and his friends live-in girlfriend come over 2-4x a week for use of our home gym and dinner. And maybe a board/card game after.
What does it mean to YOU, and what does it mean to Your Significant Other??? If it is like us- how are you handling that? If You are the “it won’t happen to me if this one person comes over” what could change your mind?

I am at higher risk because of underlying medical issues- heart mainly- and am terrified of getting sick. YES! I have expressed that to fiancé in text, email, in person calmly, crying and angrily. NO it has NOT worked- as his friend and gf are coming over, yet again, for gym and dinner. ( it is a date night for them! Meanwhile I have been locked inside, minus the 3 dr appts I’ve had, since March 15)
FH is 53, I am 41 and his “darling” 23yo daughter live together. She has been on my side( we HATE each other btw) for most part in this. But won’t tell daddy that usually. Her immune compromised 25yo brother lives away in his own apartment.
I don’t know what to do. I’ve shown him articles, videos, and data- no help.
I am sooo frustrated I am crying! I am scared af that WHEN I get sick I will be one of the ICU patients. He is playing Russian roulette with my, our, health.
Just need some support, NOT negativity please.

29 Comments

Latest activity by Salem, on April 10, 2020 at 4:45 AM
  • VIP November 2021
    ·
    • Flag
    I understand and I wouldn’t be for it. My FH is in the police department— it’s very hard for myself and our daughter to understand that he needs to come home, shower and change before we can greet him —- Fh On the other hand does not understand HOW important it is to take precautions he thinks “I’m out and about with my job so why does it matter if I go have a cigar with so and so?” Well because that is not necessary.


    Basically. In the same boat as you and I agree, he should understand where you are coming from and respect that,. After I talked to FH about it a few times it got through to him
    • Reply
  • Samantha
    VIP October 2020
    Samantha ·
    • Flag

    I view social distancing the same way you do. In Indiana, there's an executive order prohibiting social calls so it's not an issue. I'm not sure where you're at so I don't know what the legality of the situation is, but here it's a Class B Misdemeanor not to comply. I know you said you've already discussed your concerns, but you need to keep bringing this up until he gets it ESPECIALLY because you're high risk. Your safety should be more important than his social life.

    • Reply
  • Meghan
    Master October 2019
    Meghan ·
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    To me, social distancing means you do not spend time with anyone that you do not live with! So, in my opinion, your FH is wrong! We do not have anyone over to our home, and we do not go over to anyone else's home!


    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
    • Flag
    Thank you all! I am going to continue to send him articles and video links. I am going to continue to tell him to FaceTime people.


    We are in Fairfax Virginia. We have “essential businesses” and “shelter in place”....
    FH is an attorney and he thinks that bc he’s been around 8 ppl he can have so-&-so over and it’s ok. He also doesn’t get the strip and shower rule.
    Maybe when he is hospital and cannot have anyone with him he will understand WHY I bi)ched and nagged him to STOP!!!
    • Reply
  • Shana
    Dedicated October 2020
    Shana ·
    • Flag
    I agree if you don’t live with them, you don’t see them. That includes family or even close friends. Obviously that is different for those that still need to go to work but besides work or going to get groceries, people need to stay home. My fiancé didn’t seem to comprehend that either and thought it was no big deal to go over to a friends house last week. I explained it to him probably more angrily but it’s frustrating if people think it’s okay to go see a few friends then this social distancing isn’t being done correctly and people are going to cause this to go on way longer by not listening! Needless to say we are on the same page now, I think some people may just not understand and think it’s okay to be around just a few people, or people that “aren’t sick”. When in reality a lot of people are not symptomatic and may have the disease without even knowing it. I’m just trying to stay as safe as possible!
    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    I agree! I have a cough- as does FH- and am exhausted. But that can also be the underlying chronic pain/issues & anxiety/PTSD/depression.... I am stuffy and have had a sore throat and dry mouth.... True might be allergies or a cold or flu, but........ Why risk it and others???
    • Reply
  • Pirate & 60s Bride
    Legend March 2017
    Pirate & 60s Bride ·
    • Flag
    I agree with you, especially if you have underlying health issues! I’m very upset (and concerned) for you that your partner’s top priority isn’t protecting your health. My suggestions:


    1) immediately stop participating in those social activities if he continues to allow friends over. It sucks to have to lock yourself away but it’s for protection and *maybe* it’ll sink in. 2) schedule a virtual counseling session ASAP. If he won’t participate, do it yourself. Occasionally, a guy is willing to listen or change when it’s time for a “counselor.” Lame, but true.
    Not that it probably helps, but sending you hugs. 🤗 This is already a stressful time for everyone, but especially for those with health issues and I’m pissed for you that your husband isn’t taking this (and your health needs) more seriously. 😢
    • Reply
  • Kelsey
    VIP September 2020
    Kelsey ·
    • Flag

    I agree with you. Social distancing needs to be followed. Right now I am going to work daily, I work in a small law firm. My FH is laid off right now and doesn't go anywhere besides the grocery store. I don't necessary follow the shower rule; I do wash my hands and change out of my work clothes when I get home. But I only am in contact with 3 other people and that contact is next to none in our office right now. I would love to see my family but I know it's for the best that we don't right now. As a person with allergies this sucks, because I am constantly clearing my throat and my nose is gross; along with itchy/ running eyes. I cleared my throat at Target the other day thought a lady was going to tackle me (was all the way down the other side of the aisle more than 6 feet away). Because of these allergies I'm afraid that others think I have the virus. So my FH has been the main person to go out for things lately.

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  • Hanna
    VIP June 2019
    Hanna ·
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    OMG I am so sorry! Your FH is definitely in the wrong here--social distancing means no spending time with anybody who you don't already live with. Please try talking to him again. Since you have an underlying health condition, him bringing other friends into the house is putting you at greater risk and that's really unfair. Maybe you could even say you talked to your doctor or something, and that you're under strict instructions to not be in contact with anyone outside of the immediate household

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
    • Flag
    I agree with you, social distancing (even defined by the CDC) means not spending time with anyone outside of your own home. When this first began my wife was of the “oh, it’s just one person/couple” mindset, but that quickly changed. She has severe asthma and if infected would likely be critical. Not only that, but I work on a unit with covid patients and could never forgive myself if I passed it on to someone (I take all possible precautions when coming home after work.) It’s bad enough that your FH can’t take a worldwide pandemic seriously, but not even the health of his future wife? I would tell him that you’re going to live in a hotel or rental unit this is over since your health is not a priority to him.
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  • Lisa
    Expert October 2021
    Lisa ·
    • Flag

    I am in agreement with you. If they don't live in your house, you don't see them. I had to stress my concerns to my FH early on about this. Obviously the casinos in Las Vegas are closed, that means all him and all his work buddies aren't working. Some of them have asked him several times to come hang out for some beers. Uhhh, NO! He went over to a buddies house maybe three weeks ago and hasn't gone anywhere but the grocery store since. STAY HOME people.

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  • Kelly
    Champion October 2018
    Kelly ·
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    In California it’s actually explicitly prohibited to have public or private gatherings with anyone you don’t live with right now. I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You’re absolutely in the right here.
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  • Sexypoodle
    Master October 2021
    Sexypoodle ·
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    Wow! Well that’s really disrespectful of your health and feelings. As for us, we are not having anyone come over. In early March, before things were this terrible and before the shelter in place order was even issued, I saw how things were progressing. During that time, FH had a meeting that he was going to host at our house. However, I told him that I didn’t feel comfortable with people coming over. He understood and explained to the group that we couldn’t host the meeting.


    Shamefully for me, the suckiest part is that I can’t have our housekeeper come... and I was actually willing to bend the rules for that. 😂 But FH said no, so I had to respect his wishes.
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  • Melle
    Legend June 2019
    Melle ·
    • Flag

    I agree with you too. my husband wanted to finish his tattoo and he said it's just him and the artist and i'm like uh what the heck? you don't know who else the artist comes in contact with though. the point is to minimize the amount of contact we have with others as much as we possibly can and hence why only essential things are open.

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  • Anna
    Super August 2020
    Anna ·
    • Flag

    I agree with you. I am in Ontario Canada and right now it's just limited to gatherings of 5 or less. I think the news needs to be more blatant to people about not visiting with people outside your household. That being said, I do the following:

    1) My sister is disabled and lives in a group home. 3x a week I stand outside her window and talk to her through the screen for 10 minutes or so. No physical contact there.
    2) I have been visiting my parents 1x week (they live 10 min away) but they sit on their front porch and I stand in the driveway and talk to them. No getting close or going inside. I drop off groceries for them.

    Those are the only people I see. My fiancé lives with me.
    He views it a tad differently than me. He visits his parents for long visits inside about 1x weekly. At their house. However, his parents haven't left the house in 2 weeks so he feels it's safe. I am not willing to go inside, so I haven't been going there. Those are the only people he is seeing

    • Reply
  • Gen
    Champion June 2019
    Gen ·
    • Flag
    Omg, I am so sorry you are dealing with this 😭 people like this are why the social distancing guidelines are going to keep getting extended! You are not supposed to be with anyone you don’t live with.


    My exception has been that I am going to my mom’s house, however she and my brother (the only people who live there) and me and my husband (who live in our own house) all have not been out ANYWHERE in public (not even a grocery store, we do curbside pickup without getting out of the car, and then wipe everything down at home) in over 3 weeks at this point. So there’s no possible way we could be transmitting anything to each other. If that’s the case with you guys and with his friends, I think that’s probably ok, however I’m assuming that if they’re coming over to your house they’re probably going to other places, at least to the grocery store, and in that case they’re definitely putting you at risk.

    Your fiancé needs to prioritize your health 😓
    • Reply
  • Courtney
    Super September 2019
    Courtney ·
    • Flag
    I agree, real social distancing is not spending in person time with anyone you don’t live with. He is very much in the wrong inviting people over. The longer people think rules don’t apply to them the longer this is going to go on. Sorry you have to deal with this. I would see if you could talk to a counsellor or something together to really get the point across that he is not taking you, your needs and your health seriously.
    • Reply
  • Emily
    Super August 2020
    Emily ·
    • Flag
    View Quoted Comment
    Agreed. Don’t understand how FH isn't concerned with your health.
    • Reply
  • MIWM
    VIP June 2019
    MIWM ·
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    The word social distancing grinds me gears. It's nothing but a brainwashing word.

    • Reply
  • Jennifer
    VIP October 2021
    Jennifer ·
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    View Quoted Comment
    How do? Are you saying that it is OK to be going about as if nothing is wrong? As if the transmission is not as bad or if you get it ehh??


    I don’t mean to sound confrontational, I am just trying to understand.
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