So I was invited to a second marriage wedding shower...

Eh. People have baby showers for second babies. In the event of a divorce, a lot of times people don't have much of anything from the first marriage/don't want to have the things from their first wedding shower anymore. I wouldn't bat an eye at it really.

It's not a "thing" - but obviously someone wanted to throw a shower for the bride (I assume it's not the bride throwing the shower). That's sweet and/or possibly embarrassing for the second time bride. Just decline politely since you're not up to it. Someone who's been a bride once already would hardly expect you to attend anyway.

I went to one recently - it was a first marriage for the groom, and the groom's mother really wanted to host a bridal shower, so she did. Most of the bride's long term friends (who attended round one) didn't go, but the groom's mom's friends and family and a group of us (newer friends) attended.

ETA - if you don't wanna go, just decline it. It might not be the bride's doing at all (like my friend realllly didn't want the shower - it was awkward how clearly awkward she felt about it).

I imagine that they just want this wedding to be treated like any other, so somebody is probably throwing them a shower.

The invite looks like it's being thrown in her honor, but the return address and RSVP number are hers. No mention of anyone else.

Just because she has been married before doesn't make it a bad thing. She most likely isn't hosting it for herself and maybe didn't want to the feelings of whoever is hosting it. Just respectfully decline if you have a problem with it.

This is my second marriage, FH's first, but I never had any of the extracurricular activities that go with wedding with my first marriage. I didn't care to have a shower, but my FSIL is adamant and throwing me one. But also, I don't even know if his family knows that I was married before. Not sure if it ever came up in casual conversation.

Our marriage will be his second and my first. My family and friends didn't think twice about throwing me a shower, and would have heard none-of-it if I tried to object. I think of a shower more as a time to celebrate something exciting happening for someone you love! My family and friends threw me a "shower" when I became a foster parent (people brought hand-me-down toys/items/clothes) and it made me feel very loved and supported. If you don't want to celebrate for your friend, don't go, but don't ruin a day when others choose to celebrate with her!

My first wedding was 28 years ago. I'd still NEVER have a shower. I think it also should depend on age and circumstances. A 40 year old couple with a home and excellent jobs should skip the shower no matter if first wedding or not.

I don't see the big deal. If I got divorced I wouldn't want to start my new marriage with the plates (just an example) I got from my old marriage.

I think the people throwing the showers get excited and want to do those things. I know my sister is having a baby (her 2nd) and did not want a baby shower because she didn't want to feel gift grabby but my mom pretty much insisted and so now we are throwing one.

@Robin I agree. My husband's family throw us a surprise shower because I flat out refused. It's both of our first marriages, but I was 29 and he was 36, and we're lived together for 4 years. Made no sense to ask for presents.

I think it depends on the circumstances.

I think it depends. When did they get married first and how long have they been divorced? If she got married at 19, divoriced at 27 and now is 42 and getting married again I would be ok with it. If say remarried at 29 then no.

My MOH is throwing me a shower because she wants to, and it's my second wedding, my FH's first. I didn't have a shower for my first wedding (which was 20 years ago) and so nobody is being asked to come to a second shower for me. If any of my family/friends don't think I should have a shower since it's my second wedding, it's their prerogative not to come. However, if my MOH received a reply such as what you suggested in your OP, I would be very upset.

She was married at 20, divorced shortly after and she's now 28.

The dishes thing bothers me. If I didn't want to use my dishes from my first marriage, I would buy my own dishes... Or not register and use the money from the wedding to buy dishes. Most people give something at the shower AND cash at the wedding. For your second go-around this seems gift-grabby as all hell.

Maybe her husband got their first set of dishes.

I'd go and give a present.

Idk DMN I don't think it's gift grabby. Just because she was married once before and it didn't work doesn't mean she shouldn't be able to feel like a bride and celebrate with friends and family who are excited and want to throw a shower for her. Maybe you do know the situation but if you don't then you shouldn't cast judgment. Maybe it was an abusive relationship, maybe he took all of it in the divorce, maybe she didn't register for much but instead registered for things she would like to upgrade. The idea is to give the couple things to start their new life together right? So what is the problem with doing just that?

It's like a second baby shower to me, which is typically frown upon. Maybe it's more that I know her and I do know the situation that is making me feel this way. I wouldn't be shocked if she was throwing her own shower at all. I already declined the actual wedding, so the shower thing seems very off to me.

Wow I think you're being totally rude honestly. And very judgmental. Who the hell knows if her ex husband took the dishes and we say on here all the time "don't you want any upgrades for things" to people who say that they don't need anything. Jesus, get off your high horse.