Small wedding?

Well you really shouldn't invite anyone to the shower id they aren't invited to the wedding unless you put on the invitation something along the lines of "no gifts please" However... I am having a small wedding too and some girls at work (who know they are not invited to the wedding) expressed that they wanted to throw a shower for me for just the girls at work... I was hesitant at first because I feel like that seems like I am asking for gifts from people who aren't even invited to the wedding, but they were pretty persistent so I am going to let them do it, just have it be a no gifts kinda party

It's normally against etiquette to invite people to the shower that aren't invited to the wedding. Looks like a 'gift grab'

Oh yeah, that's a totally good point! Yeah, I wasn't even thinking of gifts. I was just thinking of having some girlfriends over for my Shower, but unfortunately I cannot invite them to my wedding because we are on a very small budget.

I know what you mean Charlene. We are on a tight budget and even smaller than yours with only 20. Nine of the people are just my immediate family, mother, father. brother, sister, BIL, BIL, niece, nephew. My fiance and I, our respective children. Seven of my fiance's friends, since his family all live out of the country. You could just call it a luncheon and not a bridal shower.

The one exception to the rule that only people invited to the wedding can be invited to the shower or bachelorette is that people at work can throw a shower for you, whether or not they are invited to the wedding.

Also, the whole purpose of a shower is for people to "shower" you with gifts. If you don't want gifts, you'll need to call the party something else.

We are doing a similar thing- having a very small wedding. It's much easier since the wedding isn't local to us- so guests haven't been offended that they were not invited.

Just tell people you are having a very small, intimate, private ceremony with family.

May I recommend doing a party of some sort a few weeks later for all your friends to celebrate? Even something small and super casual at your home would be fine- but your friends will want to celebrate with you!

No one should be invited to a shower who is not in the wedding. Maybe have a party a few weeks later, as Meghan suggested. Make it casual and spread the word that no gifts are expected. If someone is going to have a shower for you, make this all very clear to them.

I love my small weddings, and I know you'll have a wonderful time. Congratulations!

Like you I am planning a very small wedding. About 30-40 people. I think its a good idea to have a little celebration for those who aren't invited to the wedding but I understand where the above posts are coming from. Some people would be offended that they are not invited to the wedding but if you talk to some of your girlfriends they should understand that your wedding is an intimate affair for family and the shower is your way of including them in your celebration.

I'm in the same situation. I just explained to everyone that I was really sorry, but we had to have a very small ceremony. I'm getting together with my girlfriends for dinner and drinks the weekend before. Those that are close to me understand, and anyone who wants to make an "issue" of is doesn't deserve my time.

I definitely LOVE the idea of calling it a luncheon. That sounds like it would fly w/ a lot of people more. I just have some girlfriends that are my friends, but unfortunatly our budget does not permit me to invite everyone! However, I feel totally content having a small wedding, I just want to include my other girlfriends in some of the festivities (i.e. Bridal Luncheon and/or Bachelorette party). Thanks again everyone for putting my mind at ease!

A really good friend of mine had a very small wedding before her now-husband got deployed to Afghanistan. He is coming back from his tour in Aug and they are having a ceremony/party for everyone who could not come to the actual wedding. Since it will be a year after their wedding they are going to recite their vows and then have a small party afterward at her parents house (who just happen to have a large back yard). They also told everyone to not bring gifts (bc they are moving soon and dont want a lot to pack) and to bring a food or dessert item, that way the food is covered. Maybe you could put something like this together for the people who wont be invited? i thought it was a really good idea when she told me, she is even going to have a bridal party since she didnt have one for the actual wedding.

To address the first concern - what to tell people - I've said, "We're having a very small, intimate wedding with close family and friends only."

Like the others have said, do NOT invite people to a shower or party if you're not inviting them to the wedding. That's terrible etiquette and makes you look like you're fishing for gifts. Explain politely to people that you're having a small, intimate wedding and they shouldn't get too offended. But don't invite them to a shower. That's such a no no.

I ran into the same problem and get ready everyone..... I INVITED PEOPLE TO THE SHOWER WHO WERE NOT INVITED TO THE WEDDING! Bad Etiquette... really? more like- against tradition.

I informed people several times via FB that i had to have a small wedding due to the max allowed at the venue (also due to budget) and I was very sorry.However I still wanted to celebrate with everyone else.

I dont care about the gifts- we dont need anything but i really just wanted to have a nice evening with friends. A party afterwards is not possible due to my work and school schedule. SO i invited all my girlfriends to the shower.

Were people offended- i dont know... no one said they were! If so- well Im sorry- maybe you could help pay for a bigger venue and more added costs to the wedding! Overall I really dont think people were offended- some even thanked me for inviting them to celebrate my happiness with them. They were honored to participate in the event that they could.

Having a "shower" and "celebration" are two separate things. If you just want to have a celebration, treat it more like an engagement party. Something informal (or even formal, if you would like) where you can just have a good time a celebrate. It goes beyond just saying "no gifts please" on the invitation. You really shouldn't call it a shower because, by definition, a shower's purpose is to "shower" the couple with gifts. And, although I'd never say, I would be extremely offended if I was invited to a shower and not the wedding. But maybe that's just me.