Small wedding - how to tell people?

I like the idea of a wedding announcement, though I would wait to send it until after the wedding.

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I'm just not sure I want to surprise people with an announcement after the fact. I think that telling people before the wedding might help soften the blow a bit.

Regardless of your intentions, it does seem rude to send people something just to tell them they aren’t invited. As Lisa mentioned, announcements are meant to be sent out after the wedding.

View Quoted Comment I would maybe let that be shared by word-of-mouth. If your parents tell any of your aunts/uncles/other family members about your engagement, they can casually mention that you're planning to keep the wedding just immediate family if anyone asks about the date or wedding plans. You could also mention it to your friends if they ask what your plans are. Or, you could send engagement announcements, but I wouldn't list who is/isn't invited on those.

I don't think you should send out notifications that people are not invited. I think it would go over better if just told them in person or through a phone call. Since you have a defined set of people attending, I think people may be disappointed, but they will understand. I had to cut my wedding down from 250 to 20 people (only parents, siblings (and their spouses), nephews, aunts, uncles and godparents) due to COVID and we made that decision before we sent Save the Dates or invitations. However, we had told a good number of people to be on the lookout for wedding information. Once we made the decision to trim our guest list, we simply told those people who would have otherwise been invited about our change of plans. Some were disappointed, but they all understood.

Yes, we aren't planning on sending out any engagement announcements so I suppose it will have to be shared by word of mouth. I just hate to disappoint when many have already expressed their excitement in coming to our wedding before we had decided that we would be having a small wedding. But it is what it is, I guess!

It's very rude to send an announcement just to tell people they didn't make the cut. Wait until after the wedding, then send a card that says "Janelle and (Fiancé) were married in an intimate ceremony on (date)."

Agree with everyone else. They can hear it through word of mouth but the announcement should come after the wedding. Regardless of your intentions, receiving it before the wedding is just wrong.

If I’m not going to tell them before, then I don’t plan to send out announcements after the fact either. I think an announcement after the wedding would make people think we are asking for gifts. I guess we won’t be sending anything out to those not coming to the wedding. Thanks all.

View Quoted Comment You can send them a holiday card with pics of you & your new spouse ala "merry & married".

View Quoted Comment Yes, we will be sending out a holiday card and i’m sure it will be included on there. however we are getting married in september so by the holidays everyone will know already. oh well! can’t win them all.

My husband and I come from large families and decided to have a small 30 ppl wedding. We explained to our parents we were paying for it ourselves and wanted to keep it small. And they knew to keep quiet when they could. We sent save the dates and invites ONLY to people invited. AFTER the wedding we sent an announcement with pictures from the wedding. No family members were offended, they understood. It helped to blame it on covid. My husband did have a friend that was really upset but what can you do. You are not going to please everyone. Focus on YOUR new beginning.

Yeah, definitely don't send an announcement for something they aren't invited to. That would be rude.

Announcements after the fact are OK, as long as there is no mention of gifts/registry.

View Quoted Comment Maybe announcement was the wrong word to use. more of a notice that we’re having a small wedding. but as i’ve mentioned in previous comments, i’ve decided against it. thanks.

It’s common to send announcements after the wedding. Before the wedding is seen as impolite and elitist.



Another option that is falling out of practice is to put an engagement announcement in the local newspaper. That isn’t seen as impolite as a card in the mail.

View Quoted Comment You don’t owe anyone explanations as to how or why you chose the way you got married. I would wait because you don’t want to get collective backlash from your relatives or friends who miss the point that it’s not exactly about them. This is between you and your partner and what you two feel comfortable spending and planning.


Stay strong and if it means anything, plenty of people are announcing they got married after the fact due to COVID restrictions or postponements anyhow! So you’re not alone. Not everyone wants a big affair.
Actually, I officiated a wedding during a pandemic for a couple who weren’t very traditional at a park and their reception was close friends only. The brides parents and siblings didn’t make it (because they made poor excuses) but her husband’s whole family did!

I haven’t told anyone formally…if they ask about the wedding, I always slip it in though. (“Well, it’s going to be a very small, intimate wedding, but we don’t need a big party…we are just excited to be married.” Something like that.) It lowers expectations. I don’t ever bring up the wedding to ppl to those who aren’t invited, but they will ask. We’ve actually only had one person that assumed they were going to be invited but wasn’t…a husband of an ex-coworker of my FH. It was so weird 😂

I told my good friend/coworker I was engaged because we often talked about how and when it would happen. She immediately took out her calendar and asked the date and I had to tell her that she wasn’t invited. Was really really hard for me!!! (I didn’t invite any coworkers)


Moral of the story: people will assume?

I do agree with others that sending out an announcement whose sole purpose is to let them know they are not invited wouldn’t be appropriate. However, an option might be to live stream your ceremony. Then, when you send invitations to those invited, you could also send out announcements to those not invited that explain you are having a very small, intimate wedding of only parents, siblings and grandparents, but you will be live streaming the event for anyone who would like to witness your vows from the comfort of their homes.

I agree with not sending an announcement before the wedding just for it to say but you’re not invited. No matter how nicely it’s written it can be a blow. I was in a similar position when hubby and I cut our list in 2020 for our June 21 wedding. We didn’t tell people beforehand they weren’t invited since no save the dates or invites were ever sent. Etiquette wise you only have to send an announcement of someone not being invited if an invitation or save the date was given but now was rescinded. The news of our smaller wedding just got passed along through word of mouth. We also decided to have a hybrid wedding and offered live-streaming through Eventlive for guest who couldn’t attend or we couldn’t invite due to covid. Our livestream covered the ceremony, reception entrances, first dance, parent dances, bouquet toss, cake cutting and speeches. We had 76 views on the livestream. Online guests signed our virtual guestbook and left such lovely messages and well wishes. This can be an option for you if you truly want to include everyone you can no longer invite. For these guests we sent an evite with paperless post and it said something along the lines of due to covid we had to downsize, but we would love to see you all online!