Small ceremony, big reception

See so far the wedding is just being paid by me and my FH. Being that... We do not have a lot of money. I really didn't want to invite alot of those people on the list but yet it's not just my wedding it's my HFs wedding too... And so he out a lot of those names and most of them we don't talk to much. I do want to cut the list but we both love all family, especially the FMIL. Like I said earlier the first wedding list was under 50 people.

We don't have the money to hire a caterer and a lot of all the staffing and such, so we wanted to keep it simple. The ceremony is being held at a neighbor's back yard (BEAUTIFUL!!) and then the community building is free. HF father is cooking a pig and sides. Family friend is making cake. FMIL co-worker is doing photography.

Practically you can say the wedding is a family afair.. but yet I don't have the money to spend on all these extra guest neither does my fiancee. And I really don't want to spend that much. That's why I liked the hay bales, and yes I have sat on them plenty and my grandmother had made some beautiful covers for my father wedding two years ago and I am allowed to use them, you couldn't tell you were sitting on a hay bale.

It's so much I would love to do but, financially I can't. That's why I said idk what my parents and his are willing to put in. If I knew, my decisions would be so much easier!

BUDGET

FH $1,000..

Me $3,000

My mom was think we were going to spend $5,000 but I'm like who's paying that?? Lol

But FMIL & FFIL I couldn't read their faces and I can't tell what they think. I know that $3,000 definitely doesn't sound like a lot to MANY, but I could never spend $20,000+ like some folks on a wedding. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't mind it because it's a special day, but I'm sorry we just Cannot do that.

Oh.

Thank you Kristin. For once I was at a loss for words

I know... Trust me I'm stressing so much, and it's all unnecessary stressing..

Oh.. well so with $4000, I'd stick with the 29 people for the ceremony and reception and get a professional caterer & baker

Or for $1,000 cake and punchie.

Oh..cut the guest list and don't self cater

Why is it going to cost more to invite people to the ceremony. It cant cost that much for chairs.

I say you throw the reception for the 29 people coming to the ceremony. Have a delicious catered meal, open bar and dancing. You are not obligated to invite anyone.

Or take some time to save up to be able to hire a caterer for the number of people you want

I was invited to a reception of a friend who did this. I wasn't really upset or anything, but I was a little sad at first because I wasn't invited to the ceremony. I think if you do this to make sure you keep it very intimate.

I'm sorry but there's a lot wrong in your last post: (ETA: second last post by the time I got this typed)

1) it's incredibly inconsiderate/wrong/sketchy to have friends/family do anything related to your wedding except attend. What if your FFIL get's everyone sick because he doesn't know how to properly store and serve the food? Or what about the fact that he will spend his son's wedding day working instead of being a proud papa? That's so so wrong. And your other vendors? What if they drop out at the last minute? What if they screw up and you hate your pictures? You have absolutely no recourse with friendors. Please spend a few days on this board and you will see plenty of posts about why this is a bad idea. The only possible exception is having someone make your cake, because it's not done during the wedding and they can still come and enjoy themselves, but you should still pay them

2) No one is responsible to pay for your wedding except you and your FI. Do not ask your parents to give you money. If they offer, that's great, but it is incredibly tacky to ask/suggest/hint that they should pay for part of your day. They are under no obligation to pay for your party.

3) There is nothing wrong with a small budget, many girls here have put on beautiful weddings under 5K. The trick is you MUST cater your day to your budget, not the other way around. Have a small wedding, invite your nearest and dearest, and then take everyone out to a beautiful dinner where you and FI cover the bill for food and drink. This will be a beautiful, well-hosted wedding and your family won't have to lift a finger. It sounds more like what you want any way.

TL;DR : DO NOT use friendors. Plan what you can afford, don't make what you can afford fit a bigger party than it should

Well the woman who will bake the cake is professional, she has a business. My FFIL cooks pigs all the time or contests, shows and other people. And the photographer did my FSIL senior pictures and they were gorgeous!

My mother has suggest to one caterer to cook a pig. Because like you said I didn't want my FFIL slaving over a grill when he should be calm and happy for us. Not cooking the day away. But HF wants his father to cook...

I honestly could get rid of alot of the second cousins and other people we really don't talk to, but honestly I feel we would offend more people than doing the private ceremony. Because alot of them I do talk to have recommended and liked that we chose to do a more intimate ceremony. My mother and FMIL were really the ones that suggest the small ceremony and large reception later. But I loved it before they talked to me (the small ceremony). It's just so much...

You have the best reason to have a 29 person ceremony AND reception: it's what you can afford. Your FH is going to have to come to terms with the fact that he may want a bigger affair, but you, in your own words, cannot do it. I know the neighbor's backyard, your father's roasted pig, your friend's wedding cake, somebody else's photography, and itchy, scratchy, miniature bug infested hay bales sound quaint in theory, but in practice they're not so quaint. Actually, if this is type of reception I was invited to after not being invited to the ceremony, I would probably think you were looking for gifts.

I urge to take your budget and have a lovely restaurant ceremony and dinner party reception. My son had a wedding like this in September (although his was a larger guest list than yours -- about 50), and it was really great. That's what I suggest you do.

Well you need to figure out what to do and fast because your wedding is less than 8 months away. I personally believe in all or nothing. You can't invite people to just the reception. The whole point is to see the part where you actually become husband and wife.

Your FH is going to have to swallow a bitter pill on this one then. Who wants their father to spend his wedding day slaving away instead of enjoying himself? That sounds pretty selfish to me.

If your FH wants a huge blow out, he will have to find a way to contribute more than what he currently is (THAT DOES NOT INVOLVE ASKING HIS PARENTS), if 1000 is all he can afford right now, a 30 person wedding sounds perfectly within your budget. If you need a bigger budget to realize your day, you need to push your date back and save more.

Hay bales and FFIL cooking ? This is sounding worse and worse. I understand you're a country girl, but no. We're not talking about a backyard bbq; we're talking about a wedding. I'm not trying to sound mean at all. No matter how small, it should be catered through a reliable, insured company. ETA: words

FH wouldn't mind if we went to the justice of peace this weekend and got married, I'm the one who really want to have a "wedding" me and FMIL and my Mother are talking now. I know I'm about to offend some folks but we're cutting the list.

You started out saying you wanted the small wedding, now its FH that wants the small wedding? I am confused.

Sweetie, you do it however small you want. It's your day, not FMILs or your mom's. Don't do things to appease anyone because you'll end up regretting not doing what you wanted. But please look into catering.

Good on cutting the guest list. It sounds like what you want any way.

And as long as no one's already been invited (on paper or verbally) they have no reason to get offended. It is your day and your guest list.

Please come back and tell us what you have planned for your big day!