Small ceremony / big reception / angry family

EXACTLY!

I'm just glad that we aren't the only ones going this route.. we barely see/talk to half of our guests more than once a year, so it just wouldn't be comfortable for us to share one of the most intimate & important moments in our relationships with every single one

We're also doing a really short & sweet ceremony - I've tossed around the idea of playing a video at the reception, but honestly that will probably be more of a hassle than its worth, so perhaps we'll share the video with everyone later on! I definitely agree, though, we're aiming to be true to what WE actually want so that we don't end up miserable trying to please everyone else.. but yet still involve anyone who wants to be a part of our day.

In all honesty - the people who have declined seemingly due to this weren't really likely to come anyways, so we weren't too surprised.

I can understand their frustration, I wasn't allowed to attend my friend's mormon wedding and I felt a little hurt/left out/resentful - but ultimately how you plan your day is your choice! They may choose not to come to the reception part, and that is their choice.

I completely respect your right to have a private ceremony, but that also comes with the fact that not everyone will travel for only a reception. I actually just talked to my cousin about this over the weekend. She wants a private 10 person ceremony about a 9 hour drive (or 1 hour flight + 2 hour drive) away from where she lives, and even further from where her fiancee's family lives. They also want to throw a large reception at this destination. I told her that they can do whatever they want to do, but I advised not to invite everyone to this destination but only invite a small percentage of them to witness the vows as it would cause hurt feelings. I suggested they have the reception locally when they return (she asked my advice so I was not speaking out of turn). The only difference here seems to be that you're not asking people to travel to a different destination, you're having the wedding local to you and some people happen to be out of town so that is different.

If this is what you'd like to do, I'd say this:

"I understand your point of view but this is what ____ and I have chosen to do. It's important to us to have a very private and intimate ceremony. We would still love to have you at the reception to celebrate with us, but I understand if you do not plan to attend due to this."

Yes, OMG I feel as though I could have written your post! We are in the same situation. At first we heard enough "through the grapevine" muttering that it kind of ruined the whole process for me, and now that RSVPs are coming in, they keep trying to add people on, when we are already over our very strict budget. I'm just sticking my parents on them--depending on whose side of the family they're on. For the record, I'm not having ANY sort of trouble with FH's family.... of course. One of the reasons I like him.

The day is completely about you two and if its truly what you want then I say do it. With that being said though I completely understand where your out of town family is coming from in being disappointed that they will not witness your ceremony. Just be prepared for possible declines because of it.

I personally, do not care either way...that being said. People do...especially family. They look at it as a slight and get super upset about it. Never fails. They feel like...hey, I am not good enough to go to the wedding, but I can come to the party. Like I said..me personally, I could care either way, but I have yet to see people not upset when this happens. Just politely say, I am sorry you feel this way, but this is our decision and we hope to see you at the reception....ancient aunt Shelia I haven't seen since the Bears won the Super Bowl.