Sister of bride- bridal party anxiety

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I would not ask her outright. These girls who sent you an invite to the Bachelorette party may just being doing this to be nice and surprise her. Do not assume she doesnt want you a part of her big day. Wedding planning is stressful, as i am sure you know. Reach out to her and ask if there is anything you can help her with. Be there for her whether she has asked you yet or not. She is your sister and i am sure it would mean a lot to her if you helped her out regardless.

When is her wedding?

If you only see your sister once or twice a year, it doesn't sound like you are that close. I have two sisters and did not ask either of them to be BMs. It honestly ticks me off that most people I discuss the wedding with assume that they are obviously my BMs.

Sorry, but including sisters or cousins solely because of how it looks is bullshit. No matter what they will be my sisters and I love them very much. But mine are 9 and 13 years older than me and have complained to me multiple times about hating being BMs for cousins as the token family member. They wouldn't want to go on the bachelorette and would hate buying another dress to throw in the back of their closets.

I am sorry that maybe you do not have as close of a relationship with your sister as you thought. You are free to feel however you want, but you are not entitled to guilt her into making you a BM. You should try to call and visit her more, so that you wouldn't need to be guessing about whether she has asked BMs yet or not.

@kirackle that was really aggressive.

When I moved 2 states away from my sister we only saw each other once a year and hardly talked because we are busy adults. But regardless she is my sister. She will be my moh because I love her and w wouldn't want anyone else standing next to me in my big day. But I do agree with @oncloudstubben to just offer you help and wait and see.

@Kirakle's advice is spot on though. Several girls assumed they were mine and it was irritating.

OP, when is your sisters wedding? If it's not till next year, she probably hasn't asked her party yet. Which she shouldn't, because asking early can cause drama. Like this. It sounds like those girls are just prematurely planning. Let it go and don't say anything till she does.

@Kirackle that was pretty aggressive.

I live in Indiana and my sisters live in Arizona and Boston. I haven't seen either of them in person in over two years but I never even for a second considered not asking them to be BM. They are 7 years older than me and while we aren't that close now, they still mean the world to me

@ Sarah & Andie - Even though kirackle was "aggressive", her comment was on point. OP's sister isn't obligated to have her (or any other family members) be a part of the bridal party. If she doesn't get asked, she needs to get over it and enjoy being a guest on her sister's wedding day.

The wedding date is October 20th or 21st of 2018. I just spoke to her on the phone and tip toed around the question by asking about the grooms party. She sounded shocked that I didn't assume, but I thought these things were asked formally! Thanks for your help

Also @kirackle, I'm sorry that you had a poor experience with people assuming or guilt tripping you about the bridal party. It honestly sounds like you are projecting your feelings onto my situation, I hope you feel better about it in the future.

This is your SISTER!! Just ask her! Hey sis, have you picked your Bridal party yet?

@annakay511, best advice! I was a little less assertive about it but I basically did that and she was like "Um of COURSE you are!" It would be unusual for her to not, but the pre planning of the bachelorette party was the only thing that had me second guessing.

Sisters can be close over the phone or texting

offer to help see how you can be of assistance

I'm thinking that Kirackle was just being honest. Who was that aggressive toward? People need to stop reading aggression into everything.

I didn't read "kirackle's" advice as aggressive. She shared a truth that related to this subject -- a personal observation. Maybe I'll be judged as aggressive, as well.

OP, my guess is that the plans are under way, courtesy of the bridal party.

Will you be so hurt that you won't attend her wedding? If not, so be it. Attend as a VIP and don't second guess her life. Yeah, I could tell you that sisters are supposed to be attendants, and my mother forced that on me (because she and my father paid for the wedding). My sister and I have spoken (and I'm being generous here) four times in the last eight years -- but when we're together, the optics are great (usually at weddings).

The woman I wanted to have as my MOH, something I wasn't allowed to do, is someone I've been speaking to, consistently, for the last 46 years.

Let it go.

I have three sisters, and only asked one of them to be in my bridal party. Well, she was my only attendant. My husband and I just wanted one person each for many reasons. (Small wedding, less floral etc costs, we aren't fussy people and didn't want a huge bridal party, we are older)

Well, one of my other sisters was livid that I didn't choose her. I saw her true colors. Caused me so much stress.

Please don't let her know if you are upset (if she doesn't ask you).

But seriously it's waaaaay too early to ask the bridal party. Give it time.

Well she just got engaged and her wedding is in October of 2018 so maybe she is just enjoying her new engagement! Most people don't pick their wedding party until 6-9 months in advance.

I don't see how kirackle was aggressive. She was stating an observation. I tend to agree, the pressure to make a family member part of the wedding party is ridiculous. I refuse to do that.

I have a sister, 4 years younger than me, and told my mom straight up she will not be a BM. I know it will probably not go over well with my sister, but honestly, oh well.

If her wedding isn't until October 2018, it's way to early to ask your bridal party. Relationships change, things change in a year. As for now, be happy for your sister and be there if she asks for advice or anything.

I'm glad you talked to her and got the answer you wanted!

I find it sad that so many people have issues with their sisters. I could not imagine my wedding day without having my sister by side. We live in different states and speak at least once a week.

Reading these posts just makes me really appreciative of my relationship with her.

OP I'm happy you spoke with your sister and it's all good. Yayyyy!

OP, sounds like you have a role

I have 5 sisters but didn't want a big WP. I'm close to 3, talk with another 1; she usually feels left out a bit n the last one...we live different lives. I skipped my sisters being in the WP altogether n have 3 of my adult nieces instead. No picking, no hurt feelings n less family drama.