Sister Not a Bridesmaid & Flower Girl Question

I'm not a fan of trying to make up roles to include someone you didn't want as a BM. Especially one month out from the wedding. I think having her stand next to the BM's wearing a different dress and with no bouquet, just brings even more attention to the fact that you didn't ask her to be a BM. I'm not implying that you should have asked her either. I'm not having my sisters either.

You have already asked her to do a reading. That is enough. She can wear a dress of her choice.

There's nothing wrong in not inviting young children who are not in the wedding party.

I had two people I was trying to find a “role” for as well and I realize that a meaningless job meant nothing. Instead, one of them will sit at our head table with us at dinner so we can spend some extra time with them. And the other will be invited to the rehearsal dinner to thank her for her support.
Mad for the flower girls, it’s common to invite just the flower girls and ring bearers to an other wise adult only wedding.

*as for the flower girls, not mad

First, it is nice you want to have your sister in your wedding if she wants to participate. Second, play she won't have the EXACT dress as your bridesmaids but thats fine, she isn't a bridesmaid. Her dress can corordinate but be different just as her role is different.

As far as the flower girls, either you accept the "risk" or you don't. You put the age cut off on the wedding, so the question is are you going to make an exception to your own rule?

Best of luck on your wedding, just remember this ultimately about you and your FH making a public declaration of your love. The rest is fluff.

If you have your nieces as flower girls they have to be invited to the wedding reception afterwards. I don't understand why you are talking about them walking down the aisle even if they aren't flower girls, or making your sister and husbands friend stand up next to your bridal party and wear coordinating outfits even though they aren't actually a part of the wedding party-what? Guests want a seat thank you very much. Let them pick their own clothes out and provide proper seating for them just as you are every other guest, don't make a big show of how they're "almost" as important as the people you did choose. If the nieces are your older sisters children, and they have some sort of special needs issue where they can't walk down the aisle by themselves, then of course she should walk with them. Otherwise-no, that's weird. Especially if they're not her kids. There are many ways to incorporate non attendants into your ceremony w/o making them walk with flower girls or stand awkwardly at the alter with you. Readings, candle lightings, guest book, ushering, etc. Please chose something else for them, and remember that any kid who you're inviting to the boring ceremony part gets to come to the fun part with dancing and cake too.

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I should have explained things better, but there was so much to say. They will be invited to the reception of course, but they would be the only children under 13 invited. I have no problem with that. I wouldn't have them walk down the aisle if they were not flower girls, only if they were. I know guests want a seat...lol, it would be up to them whether or not they liked the idea. I wouldn't be forcing any of these ideas on them. They are her kids, only reason I would even consider having her escort them down the aisle. How is it weird? Just curious.

I think if you want your sister to have a role in the wedding but not be in the bridal party asking her to do the reading seems appropriate. Asking her to stand with the bridal party but not be in the bridal party definitely seems odd to me.

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I kind of want her to, but it is too late. I have so much guilt...

I have 3 sisters and two of them will be bridesmaids. My oldest sister will not be walking in the wedding. We haven't really been close with her most of our adult lives so I didn't include her as a BM. Recently we have gotten much closer and its been bothering me that I didn't include her. I'm getting married in 4 weeks and don't even have a GM to add to FH side to even be able to make her a BM. She's OK with it tho. My Mom has come up with a great idea for me to ask her to help me get ready on the day of. She will be helping me put on my dress and shoes etc. I have decided to ask her. I'm sure she will feel honored. Maybe you can do something like that?

Let her do the reading and only the reading. Allow your nieces to walk by themselves. If they're in the wedding, they must be invited to the reception. Anyone who doesn't get that can take a seat. Had you asked this question prior to sending invites, we would have told you that you shouldn't have an arbitrary age cutoff and that you should either make it 18 and up (and allow any kids in the wedding party) or allow all kids. Doing it 13 and up is weird and it has the potential to split up families.

Jennifer, sides don't have to be even. You can ask your sister without your FH having another groomsman. Honestly, asking someone to help you get dressed isn't really an honor.

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I will probably do that too. However, I wish she could just be with me now as a bridesmaid..stand there and be in pictures. I feel horrible.

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They are invited to reception...And I put in my post that everyone in his family and mine were made aware of the age cut off and exceptions. Everyone was happy to be able to celebrate without their younger children. My whole wedding is mainly family and if they had an issue, I know it wouldn't go unnoticed. Especially those who lived in the same state as the wedding. It was easy to find a trusting babysitter. Now, those out of the state and have to travel across the U.S. Yeah, probably should have mentioned we made another exception for one kid under 13. All of my family is out of state from the wedding (even my FH and I) and all of his is local. But, it will be okay because our families don't really care or get upset about this stuff. I know some people will say, "Well, you can still have fun with young kids." The point is, everyone was made aware and no hard feelings like I said. I would have still gone with my 13 and up dig even if this was made before invites were sent out and people made comments. I know it is a big etiquette thing here, I understand that.

You have regrets and that's okay. But making something up for her a month out may help you feel better but make her feel worse. A week or so ago there was a post similar to this and many people expressed having been asked "last minute" to have a "job" during a wedding and how it was more hurtful than having no role because it was obvious to them they were an afterthought and not people who were thought of initially.

You made a tough decision and you had your reasons to do so. That is ok, but stand by your decision, you made it for a reason. If you feel bad and you want to make it up to her then work on your relationship after the wedding. Coming up with something random now will be obvious to her and could be more hurtful than having no role.

If you already asked her to do the reading, leave it at that, that is a lovely role for someone to have.

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You're right. I can see it that way. She said she was cool with what I mentioned above. I don't think she minds, but I could see it as being hurtful. I think I will have her do a reading and have her two girls be flower girls .

I wouldn't have her walk down the aisle or stand up front. I agree with other PPs that this would only magnify the fact that she is not a BM. Asking her to do a reading is a nice gesture and should be enough.

I wouldn't feel bad that she's not a BM. She is 8 years older than you. She probably feels a very similar degree of closeness. You're not one of her best friends either, right? I wasn't hurt at all when my little sister didn't ask me to be a BM-I was relieved actually. It's kind of a PITA- some women love/care about it, others of us don't. Also, if she's going to buy flower girl dresses and shoes, adding a bridesmaids dress on top of that cost would be rather expensive.

It would be weird for her to walk down the aisle with the flower girls because they aren't babies. Most of your guests would assume that they must be challenged in some way. As the parent of special needs kids myself, I'd be really confused when I figured out that they don't have any challenges. I'd probably look at them a little extra all night long, wondering what sort of fits they'd thrown recently that their auntie didn't think they could walk 10-20' in a straight line by themselves

View Quoted Comment I am paying for their dresses and shoes and my parents are paying for my sister’s dress. That’s another reason I didn’t ask her. It’s not within her budget. But, my parents and I don’t mind paying for it.

View Quoted Comment Its hard for me to tell you not to feel horrible since I feel the same way too about my situation. I do think that having her do the reading and having her girls as FG is very nice. It will be ok! Don't stress.

I didn’t put my brother in my wedding - we are 10 years apart- sometimes I feel guilty sometimes I know he couldn’t care less lol. I’m not having a religious ceremony but I was still thinking of asking him to do a reading if we include those in the ceremony.

I would not have her stand with the bridesmaids if she is not one. If that were me I would feel super self conscious about it.

My brother and FSIL are not in the wedding party but I did still want to include them, so I’m having them walk in the processional. I’ll make my baby niece the “flower girl” even though she is too young for the role, really her parents will just carry her, and that way my whole family is in the processional