Sister-in-law's wedding

Bridezilla. Send her here. Tell her you got great ideas from WW. She'll be given non Bridezilla advice and will probably get pissed off.

...asking for money for the shower and bachelorette party. Now, I am not one to cause a scene so I am just going to keep my head down and do what she asks with a smile on my face. But it seriously makes me so upset. If she would just say, "I realize how selfish it is of me to ask you to make my wedding important to you, when your wedding wasn't important to me at all. That's really shitty of me and I"m sorry." I would feel 100% better. My problem isn't that she wasn't a good bridesmaid. My problem is how she is expecting me to do something for her that she wouldn't do for me. I don't want to feel upset, but I don't want to rock the boat. I talked to my MIL and she basically said "i understand you being upset but you shouldn't say anything to her." Advice?

Hi Kendra, I remember you! I'd say, as long as you can afford it, pay the money, keep your head up and just get through it. Hopefully down the road, then hurt feelings will go away.

I'm dealing with something similar. Just try hard to be the bigger person, do what you can, and decline to do the things you can't. Don't make yourself so frustrated that you resent her.

Welcome back Kendra. I remember you. Sorry your SIL has crazy expectations. She sounds like a selfish person (just based on the double standard of having no interest in others, but expecting other to revolve around her). I'm not sure there is much you can do, especially if your MIL isn't even willing to do anything (to mediate the issue).

@Missy OP's SIL could have been going through something at the time and we as brides tend to overthink about stuff...I know I wasn't interested in my twin's wedding because I was going through a bad relationship and breakup at that time (thankful for it now), I have apologized to her and said she can be as rude to me as I was to her back then

I think I am just so naive and idealistic that it just doesn't compute in my brain how she doesn't realize how she's acting and how she acted when I got married. I feel like she has to know... I would be mortified and apologize in a second if that were me. I guess she really doesn't see a problem with it and thinks her wedding is just more important than anyone else's. I mean, monthly meetings for all 9 bridesmaids a year and a few months out? Really? And she couldn't even text me and say "Hey I'm sorry but I'm not going to be at your shower today." lolol.

@Kendra yeah those meetings are a bit much...things come up too...forgive and forget

@Future_mrs. You're right. I don't know this person or what is happening in her life. I think its pretty clear that I am making an assumption, and I called out that that assumption is based on the way OP has described the situation. Like everything on these forums, we can only respond based on the information provided.

In your situation you came to a realization and apologized. OP clearly called out that this has not happened with her SIL (but would be satisfied if it did.)

You'll never regret being the bigger person (or so I've been told).

If it were me I would just do the bare minimum and stay under the radar. She'll find out pretty quickly how hard it will be to get everybody together every month and will most likely ease up on that. It doesn't sound to me like she's asked anything of you specifically. She may just be including you in all the wedding things now because you're a bridesmaid and she doesn't want to leave you out of the plans she has for the other BMs (even though her plans so far already sound sooo over the top). Sorry that's all the advice I have

I think it depends on what kind of relationship you want to have in the future. If you think you can just do the minimum and return to 'cordial but distant' with no grudges on your part, then do it. If you think you'll be annoyed for a very long time, and it might strain what little you have, speak up. This is your SIL, and you don't want to be annoyed at her forever. Also, just curious-- is your husband's family's general attitude 'don't annoy SIL', or is it just cause she's the bride. Cause that could get old real quick.

Monthly meetings? That's a big nope. Oy

I don't have much advice but wanted to say Hi! I remember you, I was christinekyle1108 last time you were on. Also agree with send her here, we'll set her straight.

Priscilla all the way. If she refuses to follow etiquette, like only expecting her bridesmaids to show up and be pretty, then she is just selfish. I understand people have problems, but selfish people are always going to be selfish. Having once a month meetings is a no. You can politely tell her that you can't make them. She did nothing for you, so she already knows the game. Some people just want you to bow. I would probably do what I could so as not to hurt family relations, but if someone goes that far out of the way, there may come a time where you just live the correct etiquette. I got a feeling she is the type to remove you as a BM and maybe uninvited you. Again, don't cause family problems if you don't have to, but don't get steamrolled either.

If it gets to be too much of a hassle, then you may want to drop out as a BM. Not sure how that works, but let her know you just have too much going on yourself and are just unable to help.

Oh hell no. I'd probably drop out saying that it's to much of a commitment for you at this time. Not even for how she was at your wedding, but because this is only going to get worse.

I'd just do what you can but don't get too overly involved. She's obviously taking you for granted, but since she is your SIL I wouldn't bring up what she did and didn't do a year ago.. but welcome back to WW and just let it out!! I'd definitely be upset in your shoes too.

You're only expected to buy the dress and show up to the wedding in said dress. As you should have only expected her to do. Do the minimum, be done with it.

So how much does she expect the bridesmaids to pay? I would be very concerned. I might just get off the boat now before she wants you to fly to Vegas for a bachelorette party and everyone has to have matching sequin dresses and coordinating outfits and $300 shoes and help the bride pay for her dress... Does she seem like the type who would make you pay for the honor and privilege of being her glitter slave and cash cow?

What did the MOH say would happen at these meetings? How much money are they asking for? I totally see your point of view. I say play nice, do the minimum, offer to step down if it's too much of a commitment. "I'm happy to stand by you in the dress on your wedding day as you did for me, but I can't commit to all of the other activities unfortunately. I'm understanding and am willing to step down if you need me to" etc