Sister in law situation

From the other side— I didn’t have my SIL in my wedding party and I HOPE that she doesn’t feel this way about it, upset or left out or like she should have been included. I love her dearly and I’m so thrilled to have such a lovely sister, but she’s someone who has only been in my life for about 5 years and we’re not super close. I love her and enjoy spending time with her. But that wasn’t my criteria for bridesmaids. I only wanted my closest of close, my tight knit best friends who’ve been by my side for 15-20 years and have been though absolutely everything with me. A small group I knew had a good comfortable dynamic , the people with whom I am entirely effortlessly comfortable with. It meant I could be entirely me. I could get upset about something and cry, I could be so stressed I puked etc etc and be sitting with the people I could never really be embarrassed in front of. If I needed to have a wedding tantrum, so be it, and I could do so without compounding the issue with a “I can’t believe they’re seeing me like this” thought. I considered a couple more people in my bridal party but realized at the end of the day it was really best for me to have only these particular people by my side, because, I grew into myself with them. Without them, I would not be who I am today. The dynamics of our past are so extreme. So, for me. It could ONLY be them. It didn’t have anything to do with how much I care about some of the other important ladies in my life though.

Everyone’s allowed to chose their own people they want involved in their wedding, for whatever reasons they determine. There should be no obligation of inclusion, be it blood, marriage, or reciprocation.

Just my $0.02 but if you don't have a close relationship with her, then it seems odd for her to ask you to be in her wedding. And, it sounds like she's not that close with your husband either if he wasn't invited to the bachelor party (which actually is pretty rude considering he's a groomsman). It's her day and it sounds like she's including your husband because he's family. I'd just let it go; it's not worth getting upset over.

We’re not having my brother or his fiancée in our wedding and vice versa. We have our own lives and groups of friends so the choice is our own.

As for your husband not being invited- that’s just plain rude.

Do you really want a pity invite? Yes, it probaby would have been nice of her to include you but It is definitely not her duty just because you are her brother's wife. If you want to be more included, you should work harder on building a relationship with her.

Just because you’re family (or soon to be) and you included her in yours, doesn’t mean she owes you anything tbh. You should just be excited & happy for her without expecting something in return.

Also, people show you how they feel about you via their actions. Believe them.

My SIL is getting married next week as well; she asked her FH's sister to be in her bridal party (who she apparently can't stand) but she didn't ask me, even though one of her bridesmaids dropped out and she has an open slot. I'm really not offended. We had some family drama going on and she did shift some of the blame on me, but even though that is squashed for over a year now, I'm still not offended. I think my FH is actually offended because he wasn't asked to be a groomsmen, but that's water under the bridge. I totally get you being a little hurt, but I don't think anyone automatically deserves to have a role in someone's big day because they are family. Let's face it, there's really not enough roles to go around and everyone should just be happy to attend the wedding and give the bride and groom their love and support. That's just my opinion.

I agree with you. I understand that it’s their day and they should choose who they want, but that’s precisely why it’s insulting. You included her because you wanted her there and she’s not including you because she didn’t consider you close enough, special enough, whatever. It’s insulting because she doesn’t value you like you valued her. So yea, while it’s her choice, those choices send messages.

Currently going through the same situation. I think one of the reasons it hurts is because I think about the wedding day festivities. My husband and his family will be together all day, dressed in the bridal party attire, taking photos, etc. I will show up as a guest with everyone else. But yet, I'm family. I understand no one should feel obligated to include people in the bridal party just because they had you in their's. But to be the only one left out kind of hurts.