Sister in law situation

Eh...I get it...but only kind of. If she's close (or close-ish) with your husband but doesn't hang out with you, I think it's totally ok for you to have her in your wedding, but not her to have you in her wedding. Similarly, I'm having my FSIL as a bridesmaid because she's my FH's sister, not because we're really close, but unless things change drastically, I wouldn't expect to be included in her wedding. But that's my family - yours may be totally different.

I was a bridesmaid when my brother got married and I did really appreciate being a part if the day. We were never super close though so I never planned on having her in my wedding (they're divorced now so it's not even relevant). To me the situation for actual siblings of the bride/groom is different than that of in-laws, but that's just me. Not inviting a groomsman to the bachelor party seems super weird to me though.

My brother is not in my wedding and I wasn't in either of his 2. i was not offended either because we are too old for that. in my wedding I am having my children and not even my friends. i invited them to the wedding and will spend time with them there

I would have to agree... Does she have a lot of siblings herself? So it was appropriate for you to have her in your wedding because she is your FH's family, but now that you're married and technically in the family she didn't want to include you? That's crap. If she was sticking solely to a number of people in the bridal party I mean I guess I see it. But idk. These scenarios are very tricky!

It's okay to feel that way about not being invited to be a bridesmaid but her choice likely included many factors. As for the bachelor party, that is completely inappropriate. They shouldn't have asked him to be a groomsmen if they weren't going to include him.

My brother is not a groomsman and my FH's sister is not a bridesmaid. I just feel like you shouldn't be obligated to include family members to the bridal party. You should be able to choose who you want to stand by you. But then again, we decided on a small bridal party anyway.

I respectfully disagree with you, OP. I can think of very few reasons why someone might "deserve" to be in someone else's wedding.....being married to one of their relatives or having them in your wedding first definitely doesn't make my list.

People choose their heir wedding parties and participants for all sorts of reasons .... it's a very personal decision that belongs only to the bride and groom, in my opinion. They shouldn't have to explain themselves. Some people choose to let their sense of obligation influence who they ask - and maybe that's what you did, and that's ok - but not everyone does or has to. There are no rules of reciprocity for wedding parties. Let them make and enjoy their choices in peace, and you be the lovely friend/sister in law who is happy for them and shows up with a smile. They will love you for it and your relationship will get off to a much more pleasant start. Life is WAY too short (trust me) to let what you're feeling rule your day and the days leading up to their wedding. Let it go.....☀️

I feel like it’s super weird here that your husband is in the bridal party but wasn’t invited to the bachelor party... seems like they just don’t really understand etiquette here. Like if someone is important enough to stand next to you wouldn’t you invite them to the party that the groomsman plan? Whole thing seems super odd.

I would try not to be offended, it seems like they just value family and those relationships differently than you do, getting angry about it won’t change that unfortunately!

I think it is odd that your husband (as a groomsmen) was not invited to the bachelor party but I don't think that you deserve to be a part of the wedding because you're a SIL. My sister in law ended up helping pass out the programs but that was a job she just picked up day-of to help us out and my brother in law didn't have any sort of special job for our wedding. I wasn't a bridesmaid when my brother married my SIL and didn't expect to be. It isn't that you're not special to her, maybe she just didn't realize that you cared to be part of anything or maybe she thought you had enough on your plate.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this, definitely just let it go. There are tooons of other people, mom, fmil, grandmas, aunts & etc. who this bride is having to juggle making them “feel special”, it’s hard to figure out how to make those people feel included. As a future sister in law who has known you a short time, that feel special list might not extend to you. Just because you had her in yours doesn’t mean she owes you anything. Let it go. It’s odd your husband wasn’t invited to the bachelor party, is there an age gap? Maybe they don’t feel comfortable “going wild” in front of someone a bit older and more mature, but this is still something they just need to get over if he’s a groomsman, they should have invited him.

Your choice to include her out of obligation in no way requires her to do the same. You are allowed to feel hurt, but I think you should feel your feelings, and keep them to yourself, and then move on.

And on top of that, time and time again when brides post here with complaints about their bridal party, so often it turns out that they added someone to whom they were not close. People getting married should choose who they WANT to be in the party, nothing more.

Your husband not being invited to the bachelor party is odd, yes.
However, I don't think you not being in the BP is rude. I understand why you feel disappointed, but she is not doing anything wrong. You got to choose your BP on your own the way you wanted it and she gets the same thing now. No one has an obligation to put anyone else in their wedding.

I wouldn't even bother feeling hurt to be very honest. You didn't have to include her in your wedding, but even the fact that you chose to doesn't require her to do the same. Weddings aren't quid pro quo. I had only my sisters and my very best friend. If I got into asking all of FH's siblings, my siblings' SOs or spouses, etc, there wouldn't be anyone left in the audience. Everyone who came to my wedding was included by coming to my wedding. They were the people closest to me that I chose to have witness that incredibly special day. Hopefully they didn't need to be mentioned by name or offered a place right next to me to know how much I love and appreciate them. Just enjoy the day and be there to support the new couple in this time.

I agree with pp the bachelor party thing was weird. But her not Making you a bridesmaid is not. I have two FSILs neither one is in my bridal party and I was not in either of theirs even though me and their brother had been together at least 2 years before they got married. I am friends with them but did not expect that. I have one brother that is not a groomsmen and neither of my FHs two brothers are either, neither is his brother in law. I’m not saying they aren’t close but that’s just not who he choose to stand up with him. No one is upset about it or minds. If he had ten other people maybe. But we only have two on each side.

I think it's 100% her call to have in her wedding and who to include, just as you decided to include her in yours. This is one day, and you two will be family for a lifetime. I think you need to giver her a pass, as you can surely understand how challenging hosting a wedding is. Not having you as a bridesmaid is not unacceptable, but it would be unacceptable to hold a grudge against family for something so small.

I can understand her being in your wedding because that’s her brothers wedding, and just because she was in yours doesn’t mean she’s required to have you in hers especially if you’re not exactly close. My brothers are going to be groomsmen in my wedding but they’re in it for me, and I wouldn’t expect either of them to ask my fiancé to be in theirs.

Side question, why do you think you should receive special inclusion on their wedding day? I'm not trying to be antagonistic, but trying to understand your point of view. From an outsiders's perspective, the day is not about you.

It's totally fair of her not to include you if she doesn't feel that close to you. As we all know, planning a wedding is full of tough decisions and budget issues, so I wouldn't think anything of it.

I have 2 bridesmaids that I was not involved in their weddings in any way. I wasnt upset about this at all.

I dont think including someone in a wedding necessarily means they have to include you in theirs.

I offered to have my fiance's sister as a bridesmaid, but he chose to have her as an usher. And told me I don't need to invite her to the bachlorette.

She really doesn't have to include you at all. It's definitely nice, but not required. I didn't include any of my husbands groomsmens wives in my day. They did not get ready with me, spend extra time with us, etc. They were only invited to the rehearsal/rehearsal dinner for obvious reasons.

You were just a bride yourself, you know how chaotic and crazy the day of the wedding can be, I wanted the least amount of people in my room as possible. Perhaps you can help your husband get ready, etc. You will obviously probably be there while they all get ready, so just focus on helping the guys.

I do think its weird he wasn't invited to the bachelor party, but its not weird at all that you are not included in anything. Weddings are not tit for tat. Just because she was in yours does not mean she had to return the gesture.