Sister in law problems

I'll tell you one thing. What we went through with his family made us so much closer and our relationship stronger. I hope it works out the same for you two.

I would FH to handle it. FH and I are not inviting his sister to the wedding period (she's a bi*** straight from hell, and i have never said that about anyone in my life.) Anyway, FMIL will be upset but everytime FSIL is around police need to get involved. It is what it is. I say your wedding, do not get stressed or even pay attention to people like her.

When you and your FH have reached out to her, have you expressed intentions to have a good relationship with her and your desire to be her sister and be close to her? That is my interpretation of asking a FSIL or FBIL to be in the wedding. I think cutting her from the BM lineup wouldn't help resolve her animosity towards you. I think your best bet is making her understand that you truly want to be family with her. Find out why, in her mind, that doesn't seem to be happening and go from there.

@ruthie THIS is why we recommend asking your bridal party 8 months before your wedding. This has been happening for years as you say, so I don't know why you'd agree to have her in it. That being said, BMs don't have to do much. Don't demote her, as it's just a title. Just make sure your photographer knows of the situation and can get some pics with you and your girls too, as "groom bridesmaids pic" ok now everyone else. Not worth the headache, plus then you start looking like you are retaliating to her immaturity. Just let it go and remind other brides on here to wait 8 months before the wedding to decide the bridal party.

Were having a similar issue. But with FH brother who was the BM. His girlfriend who is not allowed near my younger sister due to a disturbing thing she chose to do to my poor sister. (The girl is bi and found my 12 year old sister attractive and I think you can guess from there) is no welcomed at my wedding. If he will even still be with the little freak. Anyways when he asked over a year in advance if she could go we were like umm hell no. It's not a secret that she isn't allowed near my sister. Anyways he decided to start saying stuff about how I ruined his brothers life and turned some people on FH step dads side against me. Personally I don't care.

Since he disrespected me my FH kicked him out. When his other brother decided to start up and say it was some bull FH kicked him out too. FMIL was upset but personally we don't care. They will have to understand we don't need that. If anyone of my BM were to start that I will drop them too. Or I'll say you know what we are no longer having a bridal party. I think with the circumstances people will understand.

If she is as bad as all that and the family is divided she may already have decided to bow out on her own

@emily my wedding is under 6 months away

Thanks everyone for the great advice! It's never easy in a situation like this that is for sure!!

My FSIL caused some crazy shit too... She's acting all nice now, but I don't trust it, I expect her blow up again and show some ugly colors between now and the wedding.

I really wish you the best on this...she may bow out on her own. Have you considered eloping? I know it sucks since you're pretty close to the date... My FI and have talked about it in the past and each time it's brought up its less and less of a joke.

@nicole we are the same way! We have brought it up a couple of times and now I'm to the point where eloping looks better and better each day.

It sucks that you are in the position to have to choose but at the same time if you ask her to attend as a guest I think you are adding fuel to the fire. I would be worried that she would use it against you. In my experience family feuds eventually get worked out and you don't want this to be the sticking point. A big point is that you say your FMIL would care if she was not a part of the wedding party and unless your FMIL is "on the outs" with her that would still be an issue. I think you should keep her in (if she opts to "leave" the wedding party that's on her) and try to focus on those members that are happy to be there and refuse to let her affect her (be the bigger person).

@Ruthie- What if she was groomswoman instead? That's how we decided we would do it for my FSIL. In your case, she isn't even really your FI's blood sister, but maybe having her as a groomswoman might help be a compromise? She could make things worse for you in the long run if she has strong ties with your FI's family. (Of course, there's elopement lol)

Ruthie I understand that. You ASKED her over 8 moths in advance. I had a FSIL that makes many of your stories seem petty, hence I would never have asked her, and respectfully told her and her family no when she demanded to be in it. You'll have more things to stress about than a shit talking BM, and if this post was "should I make her a BM" the answer would be no- but at this point you can't undo it and just embrace it.

Word of advice from my own wedding, make sure your DJ knows nobody can give toasts except those allowed. My FSIL took the mic for an impromptu "toast". Disaster.

I wouldn't have her in bridal party based on what you've said

I would talk to your future mother in law about the situation. She can't be that blind to see how horrible she has been to you.