Simmering, trying not to boil over

I have a friend of 19 years who asked me to be her MOH, and though the timing is bad ( even discounting Covid) and money is tight, I really wanted to. Felt terrible trying to say no. She has had a couple of marriages that never happened, and at the time of our wedding, she said no to me because she was pregnant and our day was her due date. Now at 37 a first wedding, after years of wishing and hoping, she is doing it all. And an only daughter, her parents are putting a lot into it. After years of having to drive a couple hours to see each other, she moved near us for a job, and is marrying someone I work with and fixed her up with. I finally said, I will do the shower, with help of a friend. No problem. And take care of my own HMU, no problem. But the dress would have to be $200 or less. Added to a shower, and a large gift we are making them, a moveable wet bar with cabinetry, fridge, that is it. And told her, 2 of our kids need some reconstructive surgery, and because elective, it means a large Co pay. She understood. She said. And another mutual friend 4 hours away in Boston, and 3 of her relatives, are the WP. That friend, like me, has kids needing things. I found later she had said, I will do your bachelorette if you would like us all to go to her family's lake front summer home, wonderful. But if she absorbs that cost, all food and party stuff for 3 days, $200 max for the dress.

Well, she found a dress she just hand to have, I looked at hundreds, this one, only this one. Perfect color style echoes her gown. $450.
MOH lavender grey, BM coral. Sent a note if n mailbox, please, please look. Please the only thing I want, messages, emails phone messages, 6 in 2 days I was away. So when home , getting messages, saw one from my friend the BM. Email starts, do you believe this gal? And opened it to read her saying, didn't you tell me you got the lavender gray of the Madelyn Gardner dress I got in Coral, you were in a relative's wedding, and I was in my sister's in Wyoming? Bride wants that dress, and we both have it. Tell me you did not sell yours. Yup, a dress I paid $375 for, she had paid $425 for the previous year. So we both tell bride terrific. We will wear and get shoes dyed to match, No problem, but no other big expenses. She is happy happy. That was December, wedding next September. So last week someone said something. Don't know who my sister told, who told bride. And she is throwing 9 kinds of hissy fits. We all have to get new dresses. She has picked out different ones. Because we are spoiling her wedding. What kind of friend wears a used dress? Not in my wedding. I want everything new, never worn. I wore the dress once in Montreal, My mom borrowed it for a wedding on short notice ( saw she was wearing the same dress her sister MOB was.) In NYC. Kari wore hers 1 time in Wyoming. Both in perfect condition. I think my friend is being a spoiled brat. The shop her sisters and cousin used in Jan would only not charge for a change if more expensive, so new dresses, same line, will be $500. I think we hit the breaking point. She has this thing now, that since she had to wait all these years while we got married got homes and families, we don't have any respect now that it is her turn. When did my friend go off the deep end? How can she not understand, there is not now, and never has there been, a law saying no dress can be worn more than once. We have the ones she wanted, most perfect yada yada. Now a complete flip. To a more expensive, trendy style neither of us would wear again. Unlike the one we each have. Are virgin dresses a thing. I do not want to rupture a friendship. But I have done showers or other parties for 35-40 for full dinner plus, because some of her friends and family are driving a couple of hours, and need a meal. And her preferences for sirloin tips or Seafood Newburgh are great, easy, but pricey. I still want to do the shower. But can I put my foot down and say No, this dress you asked for, that we have, or Kari and I will continue, me doing shower, her doing bachelorette, each paying the whole bill for our party. But dropping out of WP? I cannot justify another $500, when I have what she swore was the perfect thing, because she is being a baby over my having worn it before. I hate to do it. I am not treating her, or thinking of her as not worth a new dress, because she is not important, nor is Kari. But !!!! And I have had to cut back work hours with 3 kids not in school or 2 in half day preschool. Hubby is going to work, by himself there but needs equipment. Their surgeries are put off for now, but we have the bills coming.