SIL from hell update

That is unbelievable that they have been using the half-brother thing against you for years, and when they found out the truth would only apologize to your DH! Uuuugh!! Have your MIL and her husband found work yet? This is the brother who wouldn't take them in, suggested they move in with you guys, and now criticizes the personality of the person who is helping to support his mother!?! I feel so bad for you, these people are infuriating!!

@Zoe yup. same brother. The in laws haven't been looking for work. My FIL seems to be putting all of his attention on getting $1200 back from the moving company that broke and last some of their things, and whatever sport that is on TV. They looked at the house down the block from us, but they can't afford it. FIL says he can get another VA loan to buy a house, but my realtor friend said that since he already has one open in Kentucky, and they're renting that house to a friend's son, and there's less than $1000 a month coming in... There's no way they're going to be approved for a loan. They want at least an acre, 3 bedrooms, turn key home, for less than $65,000. Might have been possible in KY, but not here in AZ. Unless they want to live in a trailer or a prefab. Which they don't. So... There's no light as far as them moving out. I love them... I really do. But do you know how awkward it is when you're trying to have a serious discussion with your husband and your MIL is quietly sitting at the dinner table playing on the laptop we gave her to help her find work that she isn't looking for? It gets frustrating, but I survive it and I try to look at the positive.

Ugh.. That really sucks hopefully your FH was just caught up in all the hoopla and needs to calm down. You are totally in the right for wanting to cut them out of your lives, they treated you horribly! That witch was trying to bring up dirty laundry to you at your wedding! Not cool. I hope everything works out for you guys without the bil and the hag.

I'll just speak for myself in saying that I never said you should suck it up. I said you should leave yourself open to the possibility that things may change, people may grow up, and you may be able to actually become a member of the family someday because right now, it sounds like you want nothing to do with his family as long as this woman is a part of it. That's not a great away to start a marriage. Your DH said to wait until the wedding? Wait for what exactly? What did he think would happen after the wedding? I'm really confused by this.

Never said you should suck it up, put up with it or be around people who abuse you. Nobody said that. I totally agree with your decision to not be around them. I only suggested that you tell DH that maybe, one day in the future, you will reconsider if things change with FSIL's behavior. That puts the ball squarely in FSIL's court. If she doesn't change, you have no reason to reconsider anything. But, at the same time, it's not this absolute thing that DH feels like he has to live with for the rest of his life.

Yeah, you are a saint for helping to support your in-laws. You have every right to deal with BIL however you feel is best, including excusing yourself from family functions. I also wouldn't want someone who treated me like that (and knows he was wrong but refuses to apologize?) to be welcome in my home.

Wow, that's a really shitty situation. I totally agree with you though... I firmly believe that if someone treats you like dirt, you're justified to cut them out of your life no matter who they are. Sometimes tough choices need to be made, and if DH's brother/SIL can't treat you with respect, they need to go.

@Elizabeth ... I am right in the middle of his family. Their mother and her husband live in our home. We support them financially. So to say that I am not a part of his family is totally incorrect. Every week I hear FIL come out from their side of the house and say, "Who's my favorite DIL?" Then kisses me on the forehead. As I said before... I love his parents very much, but having them under our roof (moved in a few months after we bought the home and a few months before the wedding) it's not the ideal way to start our marriage. And I have told DH that in a few years, I would reconsider everything but they owe me an apology. Not the forced apology I recieved at the wedding for only 1 incident that occurred, but for everything that bitch has put me through time and time again. DH asked me to wait to cut them out until after the wedding. He said I can call her whatever I want to her face and he'll back me 110%. I kept my mouth shut. I didn't call her anything. I deleted them from FB. I left silently. Funny thing about this... Her little sister and I are friends. She won't talk to SIL either. Ever since she can remember she was like this. She remembers her pointing at people and making fun of them since they were little kids. Her grandmother told MIL and FIL at their wedding that she wasn't a fan of SIL's mother. They had begged their son not marry her. Then she said, "The apple didn't fall far from the tree if you know what I mean." I don't think she's going to be changing any time soon.... This is normal for her.

I went through something a lot like this a while ago. I was told one thing discussed it with certain people everything was agreed on, then later on the person that agreed to everything sing a different tune. Best advice I have from here on out if any discussion happens put it in email then you have it. Just don't be shocked if certain people do still try to deny that they said what they said even if it's in writing this still gets to me

@AlexisM082 your post changes my opinion. The fact that you put a condition on interacting with them (a sincere apology) makes me think you're absolutely right. I thought you simply cut them out of your life and that was that, which is why I felt bad for your DH. I also appreciate that you explained about your in-laws. I read in someone else's post something about that, but didn't know the story or that they were still with you guys.

Anyway, I'm sorry to hear about all this drama.

I have a half sister like this who is older than me. at one point... enough is enough. i'm glad you stood up for yourself.

my turning point was when she threatened to sue me if i didn't hand over pics i snapped (casual like..not as a photographer) at her kid's baptism two weeks before. i was young...like 17 or 18.. she lives in TO now, so i don't have to deal with her. we haven't talked in more than 10 years. some people, regardless of how they are raised/etc...are just shitty.