SIL from hell update

F5, don't leave me hanging Alexis! I need a juicy story today

This can't bode well i'm sure.

He told them that they were being rude, inconsiderate, and were putting a damper on what should be a celebration and a good time. They came into the house after more screaming, and DH looked at his brother and SIL and said, "I'm sorry our family isn't good enough for you." and they left. We didn't see them on Friday. They showed up to the wedding on Saturday. Everything was a blur.... Pictures came and went. We didn't even make an effort to keep her away she just stayed away. They didn't get up from their seats to dance or anything. She attempted to apologize to me in her cold heartless way. She said, "I hope Ian relayed the message to you." I had no idea what she was talking about. She had text DH saying she was sorry for what happened Thursday night. There was no sound of remorse in her voice. It was very obvious that it was forced. I told her this was not the time to discuss family drama and walked away.

The next day I removed both of them from my FB and that's really when it blew up. BIL wanted to discuss "The Wives" with Ian. I told DH to tell him that if he has an issue with me then he needs to talk to me. He never contacted me. DH laid it all out on the table. Your wife is a stuck up judgmental so and so... She hasn't changed since the first time we went through this (before I was even in the picture). So they threw the fact that I ruined their half brother's life by calling CPS (without half bro knowing) on his junkie (now deceased) wife when she was in labor with their son 2 years ago. Which isn't true. Half bro had wanted to call CPS, but couldn't do it so he asked us to call. Then he lied to everyone and told them that he had no idea I was calling. Time and time again Sarah had ripped me apart for calling CPS. You know... even if he hadn't asked me. I was protecting an innocent child's life, but every time I'd defend myself they'd say, "Well that's not what TJ told us.". So after DH had that convo with his brother, I guess his brother called the half bro and asked what really happened and he finally admitted the truth. SO BIL calls DH back and apologizes to him, but they refused to apologize to me because I excluded SIL From Hell from the wedding pictures. So now it's left that we will be kept separate from each other at family functions. I reminded DH that we had already agreed that I was allowed to handle this how I needed to and that I choose not to attend any family functions. That as long as I'm in town they are not allowed in my home. I want nothing to do with them. He AGREED to that. Time and time again. In front of friends and family who HAVE backed me up. Now he's pissed I'm making this hard on him and I'm pissed that he's asking me to continue to be in the same positions that I was before and if he's not going to stick up for himself or their parents, or me. That that's their problem, but I am sticking up for myself and am removing myself for the fire that is just going to keep burning time and time again.

So that's where we are today....

So sorry you're going through this.

Bull shit that they not only ruined your rehearsal dinner but now your first few moments as a married couple.

That's horrible!

I'm so sorry that it keeps getting worse for you! I had hoped they would be adults for your wedding, but it sounds like they don't even know the definition of adult. Glad you are sticking to your guns!

She sounds like the type of person who enjoys creating drama, it sounds as though you have been that person who tries your best to not feed her need. How inappropriate of her to scream at her husband at someone else's house and put a damper on your RD. Ugh so sorry you have to deal with that.

She sounds hideous.

What pisses me off is DH totally flipped sides. He would always tell me I can cut them out and I'm his wife and I'm #1. Then he feels bad because it hurts his mom too much knowing her sons aren't talking. He says I have no empathy for people. Ummmmmm.... If I have no empathy for people, then why have your parents been living with us since October?

I'm sorry they acted they way they did, but to decide that you're never going to attend family functions seems extreme to me. That will likely put a giant burden on your husband. I get that you have to stick up for yourself but maybe it doesn't have to be so black-and-white. Families don't just go away.

Jeeze I'm sorry. So DH and you are having trouble now because of them? What a horrible situation.

She sounds like someone who gets off on causing drama.

Is it bad that every time you talk about her I find MYSELF hating her more and more haha

Ugh this sucks. I'm really sorry. I had the same talk with my DH regarding his father, but it's not that I'm not willing to see them. It's just that I'm not willing to go out of my way to do anything with him when his dad is a butthead. DH says I put him in the middle of things, I kindly remind him that due to his father's actions his father put him "in the middle". We just don't talk about it anymore unless something comes up.

I've seen your other posts about you IL's and I think you've been more than willing to suck it up for your DH's sake and his family. He can still have a great relationship with his family, your relationship is separate. As long as you don't prohibit him from seeing them, which it doesn't seem like you're doing, then really it should be fine. This too shall pass.

She is the worst. I don't blame you for wanting to keep your distance. But, I do get why it's hard for DH that you refuse to attend any family functions. I get how hard this is on you, but it sounds like DH feels like he's in between a rock and a hard place. He's in the middle of you and his brother/SIL and it sucks for him. Maybe soften your stance just a little bit and don't make it so absolute. You won't attend any family functions for the time being, but in the future when things calm down you will reconsider and try to tolerate them. That way he doesn't feel like this is just the way he has to live for the rest of his life.

Well they live on the other side of the country. Family functions consist of them coming to our home to see the in laws. There's no other family other than hers. If no one else is going to stick up for me as she's tearing me apart, then I'm going to refuse to be a part of that.

DH and I will address them again as needed basically. They're coming out here in July and having their baby shower on DH's birthday at her parents house. I had sent them a gift last month before any of this happened. I'm outie. Done. None of us deserve how they treat us, and I don't understand why DH is willing to put up with it again if he's already put his foot down once before.

Oh Lord. You're a saint. I think you've handled it as well as it can be. . FH will figure it out once he remembers you're an adult and you can handle this. Hopefully he comes back around to being behind you this.

Also.

She should hideous (said in the state Farm voice)

I am 100% with you. I wouldn't allow them in my home and if no one is going to defend you, you are right for staying away from them completely.

I can see where you husband feels stuck in the middle, but family or not, he shouldn't let his SIL or brother bad mouth his wife.

What a terrible situation.

So she sounds like a heinous bitch, absolutely. And I'm so sorry for what you're going through. But I do see where your DH is coming from. Whether or not she exists, his brother is his brother and nothing is going to change that. I can see him going solo to family functions for now, but I think you should leave the possibility open that things will improve that you might feel differently in the future. Same for them being in your house. You're asking your DH to ban his brother from his (and your) home, but that's may not be as easy as it sounds. I know I could never ban my sister from my home, even if she had a husband who was a total ass. I would ban the husband maybe, but not my sister.

Anyway, I feel bad for what you're going through, I really do. But I feel especially bad for your DH because it really does seem like he's suck in the middle of all this. I also understand your frustration because of his flip-flop, but under the circumstances, I do understand the flip-flop. I'm sure he's very conflicted.

So I'm confused... Those of you who think that I shouldn't be so black and white and refuse to see them at all, feel that I should suck it up, continue to allow them to treat me, DH, and his parents like shit. Why? Because DH asked me to? If it was DH treating me like this would you tell me I should stay with him because he's my husband? Abuse is abuse. I've tolerated their abuse for almost 2 years because DH asked me to until the wedding. That just doesn't make sense to me. I'm not asking him to cut ties with them. His personal relationship ship with them is his own business. All I'm asking for is for him to keep me out of it since he can't seem to stick up for me.