Shy Fiance..Big Wedding

Honestly, his comfort should be a priority. Is he prone to panic/anxiety attacks? I have them in large crowds at times, so for me a large wedding would be too overwhelming. How does he feel with having that many guests?

You're just now worried about his happiness??? Did you ask what he wanted?

FH has a big family but we had to compromise because I don't like big social events either. My comfort was his priority from the start...

My FH is incredibly shy, he doesn't like people "staring" at him. So from the get go, I knew not to even try for a massive wedding. I think out gueslist is maybe 40 people, i haven't finished writing it all out yet. But still his priority was my concern, just as my anxiety was his main concern.

Does he want a wedding with 300 guests? Honestly?

I'm in the same boat as him. Although, I'm not a complete introvert. I do love being social, but when I have strangers hugging me and asking me tons of personal questions I tend to get really bad anxiety.

My plan is to just make an excuse to step away and take 5 min in the bathroom to chill out.

ETA: My FH has a huge family so we ended up with a huge wedding and I don't want him to feel like he has to compromise that for me, so yes, I'll deal with it for one day to make him happy.

A small wedding is ALWAYS possible, especially if that is what your fiance wants. It is his wedding too, and disregarding his wishes is kinda selfish.

You can make it more intimate by making it more intimate. You won't even have time to say hello to everyone, so why invite them?

Cut out aunts and uncles, cousins, anyone not in your speed dial. Your wedding will be under 100, which is a good compromise,which is what marriage is about, after all. His opinions count here.

The great thing about small weddings is that they are, by nature, self limiting. You invite in circles.

But you do need to take his wishes into account; not just for the wedding, but for life.

Katy? Why shouldn't he have to compromise? Why should YOU be the one to compromise?

300 guests is a massive wedding. I'm not even a shy person but that number alone would give me anxiety.

FH is very shy and introverted with a much smaller family and only a handful of friends. He knows my side of the guest list is family and close friends but its much more people. If he had his choice it would be much smaller like 20 people but its not possible with my side. With everyone's numbers it would be around 100 but we never planned on anymore than that. Its important to us to compromise. I would see about cutting that guest list especially if you didn't send out save the dates.

300 people is crazy! You don't need aunts, uncles, first, second, third cousins twice removed. I mean, his comfort needs to be your priority, not your dream wedding. I have around 8 aunts and uncles, we're not inviting everyone. Put his happiness right now first. My FH has PTSD, we have talked and talked about our guest list, we have settled for 80 to 100 because most are OOT. I want him to be comfortable.

I'm an introvert and I have problems with crowds (panic at costco on sundays because of too many people). Honestly, 100 people was doable, but it was a lot. I spent a huge amount of time stressing about it. The thought of 300 would make my wedding unbearable for me personally.

I'm rather introverted too, and honestly, there is nothing that could make 300 people feel intimate or even remotely comfortable for me.

My ideal size for our wedding would be about 40, however, FH has a big family and he would ideally have about 150, so we compromised at 80 invited. I would have felt beyond shitty if he insisted on 100+, knowing that it would make me uncomfortable. Honestly, the 80 we have makes me a little anxious, but I know any smaller and he'd be really sad.

If you haven't sent STDs, your best bet to make the day more intimate is to actually make it more intimate. Cut people. 300 is insane, there is nothing you can do that will make it feel anything but overwhelming.

Your under the 5th month mark so you still have time to cut down that list. This should have been your top priority at the beginning. 300 is ALOT of people so you should be able to meet in the middle. Have you out STD'S?

That's a huge wedding, I'm an extrovert and I would probably be lost there...

Anyways my fiance is also an introvert, he's very shy. I am keeping things simple to not overwhelm him. We compromised and are doing a DW on a cruise where we'll do the first dance and cake cutting, speeches, etc.. then when we get back we are doing a brunch reception at home where I will not make him do a dance or cake cutting again. It works out so he can do that stuff in front of a much smaller group but I still get a more traditional reception so I can do centerpieces and the cutesy stuff I would miss out on with solely a DW. (I should also mention anyone invited to the at home reception was also invited to the DW. The guest list has remained the same for both, we knew going into it a bunch of people couldn't do the DW, but we made sure our VIPs could).

His comfort should be prioritized. My FH has a guest list that's huge, in my opinion, and I am uncomfortable every time I think about it. No one wants to be uncomfortable at their own wedding.

OP I will also have a lot of guests at my wedding but fh and I both knew we wanted a big wedding from the start he is not shy at all I sort of am but not really, on that day i wont be I have always wanted a big wedding. You should have talked about the size of wedding each of you wanted. I knew off the bat ours would be big anyway since fh has 12 brothers and sisters and like 30 neice's and nephews.

Cut the guest list, anxiety and cost at least in half. It's HIS day just as much as yours and way more than it is your family's day.

Has he met your family members, or are these strangers to him?

@Celia because it's OUR wedding not MY wedding. I'm fine compromising for one day. But that was my choice and I understand what it means for me. OP if your FH doesn't want to compromise on the guest list then you need to cut your list.

I will also agree with everyone else that you need to find a compromise and cut the guest list.

That is entirely unfair to him.