Should your relationship with your father in law be polite and distant?

I agree with Caytlyn.... As you said, you've written about this several times. It's his house, he has every right to act however he acts (as long as he's not doing anything illegal, immoral, etc.). It's kind of weird that he told the niece to "kick the dog," but to a 2-year old a "very friendly dog" that likes to jump and lick is likely pretty scary, so you probably need to control the dog better or keep it completely separate from where the child is to keep both of them safe. You are clearly not happy in your living situation, so it's way past time to move out.

I agree with Caytlyn and MOB So Cal. You've posted several times which tells me the situation is getting better rather than worse. It sounds like it is definitely time for you to move out. I also agree that if you have a very energetic dog then you need to control the dog around the child. I know my parents have two dogs and my sister's step-son (6 years old) is afraid of them because they are both very high strung so my parents don't let the dogs around him.

Again...just move out, you're married and in your 30s. I'm sure the fastest way to save for a house is getting free housing from someone else instead of paying your own way but it means you have to abide by the rules of the house you live in. You don't like that, so leave.

Also, keep your dog away from small children and anyone who doesn't like it. I wouldn't want a dog jumping on me and licking my feet either, and for a 2 year old child the dog seems a lot bigger than it does to an adult.

"Any dog owner knows how harmless that is"

Cool stuff. My neighbor's toy Maltese is at the city pound because she nipped at the heels of someone walking in our neighborhood. So yeah, watch your dog, because other people - especially ones who don't like or are afraid of dogs - don't care what happens to it.

Your FIL isn't a narcissist, he's just bored and annoying.

I've lived on my own since 21 so I just don't have a lot of sympathy for people who live with their parents in their 30s and then complain about the arrangements. Good luck.

The only solution is to move out. It's his house and they are doing you a favor by allowing you to live there as adults in order to save money. You're choosing to remain there when you could live in an apartment or condo.

Agreed. I think it's odd to criticize someone's behavior and to say they aren't giving you privacy when you are living in their house. My husband and I personally wouldn't ever live with any of our parents because we like our privacy & like things done our own way. It sounds like it's having a negative affect on your relationship with your in-laws to live in their house so I'd just move out now. How they treat dogs in their own home is their prerogative. I would never treat a dog like that but we only own a dog because we own our own home and have lived on our own since I was 21 so we don't have to worry about how our dog is treated since it's only us.

Okay, but you complain frequently on this forum about your in-laws -- especially your FIL -- calling him an "energy vampire," "narcissistic," etc. for the way he behaves in his own home, while defending what a financially good plan living with them is and how what you're doing is culturally acceptable for you. You also start almost every post with describing how well-mannered and respectful you are, but that doesn't always align with the things you say about your husband's family. Only you and H can decide if the trade-off of dealing with his behavior is worth the cheap rent; if you truly think it's the best thing, if I were you, I'd work hard at accepting that FIL (and all the other relatives you've complained about, SIL, BIL, MIL, etc.) are the way they are. To an outsider, it doesn't sound like a super respectful relationship on your end -- sometimes it helps to try and see ourselves from others' perspectives -- but your responses in this thread and others are often pretty defensive. If that's the way you react in real life, that might be feeding the on-going tensions you frequently describe. Good luck to you.