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Just Said Yes December 2024

Should we invite them?

Avery, on September 12, 2021 at 2:22 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 9

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About 2 years ago, my fiancé’s (my then boyfriend) college friend got married. At this point, my boyfriend and I had been dating for 3 years and living together for 2 years. I have met this couple multiple times, but wouldn’t say we’re friends. When the invitation came, I was not invited because they were only inviting significant others than were married or engaged. That was a huge slap in the face. We’ve been together longer than the bride and groom. The wedding was not small, I guess they were just inviting a lot of people and had to limit guests. Apparently they have a lot of friends. I wouldn’t say that my fiancé is super close with the groom but he is in his group of friends from college and sees him every so often. Honestly, I never quite got over this. It was just so annoying to me and it felt like they were passing judgement on our relationship and somehow deeming it not worthy. My fiancé understood why I was upset but really was just like “i don’t know what I can do about it really.”

Now, the time has come for us to get married and I don’t know how I feel about inviting this couple. If I was not important enough to be invited to their big day, why should they get to come to ours? My fiancé would like to invite his whole group of friends. I would say both of us have a pretty small circle and it won’t be a big wedding. I guess it just came down to them having more friends and guests that they wanted to invite whereas we don’t? and it might look odd if he wasn’t invited? I mean I honestly don’t want them there because of the principle of the whole thing but I don’t want my boyfriend to feel awkward not inviting him.
Should I just get over this grudge I’m holding and stop being so petty? Or do I have a right to ask my fiancé not to invite them ?
Helpppp

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9 Comments

Latest activity by Kristen, on September 13, 2021 at 9:23 PM

Super May 2019
KYLIE · on September 12, 2021 at 2:41 PM
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If literally the only reason you don’t want them invited is out of a petty revenge, you should try to get past that. No, it wasn’t respectful of them not to invite you, but I would bet it wasn’t at all personal, and instead just them being unaware of proper etiquette. That’s not okay! But I also highly doubt they were deeming you or your relationship as lesser—they just had a line to draw and that’s where they drew it.
If your fiancé genuinely wants them there to celebrate his big day, I think it would be healthy for you to try to work past these feelings.
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Master April 2021
Michelle · on September 12, 2021 at 3:34 PM
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I know it’s difficult but I’d just invite them. In the grand scheme of things, it’s just not worth holding onto this grudge.
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Master October 2020
Yasmine · on September 12, 2021 at 3:59 PM
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I agree with this!
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Super March 2022
Candace · on September 12, 2021 at 6:20 PM
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You never know what goes into the thinking on things like this. Someone could have been pressuring them regarding the guest list and they a had to make some hard choices. I would try to let it go. If they are the only ones missing from your FH's friend group, then you will be the bad guy. You don't want to start out your new marriage like that. Be the bigger woman and invite them.
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Champion November 2054
Jacks · on September 12, 2021 at 6:36 PM
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I wouldn't invite them. Why would you invite them to celebrate your union when they basically disrespected it earlier? I don't think that's petty. It's incredibly rude, and it's why we say invite the SO of anyone that identifies as being part of a couple.
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Dedicated September 2021
Elri · on September 13, 2021 at 2:47 AM
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Invite them. You'll be glad you did as time tics away and other events happen where you'll see them. I try to avoid uncomfortable situations, especially when it comes to friends who aren't really friends. I'm in a similar situation, and we invited this particular couple because they are a part of our friends circle and it would be easier just to have them at the wedding rather than explain the situation to the group. Definitely just invite them. Your FH will appreciate this and admire how you can overlook it.
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Master February 2022
Rosie · on September 13, 2021 at 2:54 AM
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I'd be especially annoyed this happened when you'd been dating longer than them - SO rude, and if someone had done that to my partner I probably wouldn't have gone without him.
I think it would really depend on the relationship. Do you see them often? Will it make it awkward and obvious they were the only ones not invited at future events? If so, it might be easiest and least awkward for you (not them) to just invite them. If you rarely see them, then I wouldn't bother to invite them - they're not actually super close friends, and no one is entitled to an invitation. They showed you what they thought of your relationship when they invited only half of it to their wedding, I don't see it as petty to show them they're not overly significant to you either - whether that's by not inviting them at all, or just seating them closest to the toilets/serving hatch, lol.
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Expert August 2021
Ingrid · on September 13, 2021 at 12:19 PM
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I get your hurt feelings but even considering not inviting them because of this is stress you don't need or want. Don't add stress when you can avoid it.
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Expert October 2021
Kristen · on September 13, 2021 at 9:23 PM
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If it were me personally, I wouldn't want to invite them, but if it means that much to your FH, and you'd rather avoid the drama that many ensue, then it may be better off to just invite them. Just because you invite them doesn't guarantee that they'll come. We learned that lesson from having to invite my fiance's extended family on his dad's side, many of whom he hasn't seen in years and might not even recognize. All but one of them have declined so far.
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