Should we go to wedding

I'm sorry to hear that. When was the last time you spoke to the bride-to-be? Why do you think you're not so close? It seems strange that, as grandparents, you wouldn't be invited to any other event besides the wedding. Again, sorry to hear that.

I am a bride who's father passed away when I was a teenager...it's been 16 years. I have had little to no contact with my paternal family since then but am inviting my uncle and grandmother from that side of my family. I decided to do this in hopes of reaching out and rebuilding that relationship. I am very close with my stepfather's family and they are the majority of my invites/RSVPs. Obivously different circumstances but maybe she is reaching out. Maybe go show support for your son and if it's terrible leave after the wedding and know that you tried. If all else fails he will be glad to see you. Good luck with the toufh decision.

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It's not the bride to me - it's the mother controlling everything. We never had a good relationship with her.

I mean if you aren't in the wedding party there would be no reason for you to be invited to the rehearsal dinner.

Are you certain she's having an engagement party and shower?

If you want to go, go. If you want to support your son's daughter, go.

If you feel like the relationship woth the brides mother is so bad itll inhibit your bit your ability to celebrate, maybe sit this one out.

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We of course are not in wedding party but neither are the grandparents, aunts and uncles on the other side in the wedding party but are going to the dinner and have gone to engagement party and shower. That is why we are debating if we should go to the wedding. We feel if we werent' good enough to help celebrate any thing else why are we even invited to wedding?

View Quoted Comment I hate to say it this way but not everyone invited to the wedding has to be invited to these events. We had very limited guests lists for all of our pre wedding parties and it wasn't because we hated them. We just had a limited guest space.


If you feel you weren't invited due to malice and not space restrictions or budget restrictions I would give your son a heads up first when you decline.

Where's your son in all of this? Why isn't he insisting that you be included in the other activities like his wife's family has been? If he has a decent relationship with any siblings, why hasn't he insisted they be invited? I'd go, but after the wedding, I'd have an honest talk with my son about how his family treats you.

I understand how you are feeling. Have you spoken to your son about it? I think it might be appropriate to say you'll come to the ceremony and not the reception. After you speak with your son make your decision. You need to be comfortable with your choice.

No matter what faux pas have been made or stunts pulled, I would go. I presume you want the best for your grandchild. If you don't go, you can never undo that.

There is often way more to the story than is shared online, but I suggest you attend, be gracious and wish them well.

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I agree that not everyone should be invited to the wedding but if the mother's parents are invited to all, shouldn't the fathers parents also be invited over aunts and uncles and cousins? We are in a tough situation

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Yes, they should.

I guess I would think long and hard about the effects of going vs not going will create. Do you share any family holidays? How will you snubbing the wedding affect future holidays/family get togethers? Think long haul here, not just the wedding. I can truly understand why you are hurt and I would be too, but your son has failed here too. He should be speaking up if you are always snubbed, and especially like this with the shower and rehearsal dinner.

The engagement party and bridal shower aren’t planned by the bride so I wouldn’t fault her that you weren’t invited. Have to spoken to your son about it?

I'm afraid if you don't go, it will permanently end your relationship with your son and any hopes of rebuilding a relationship with your granddaughter. If you are okay with that, then that is your choice.

View Quoted Comment I never said that. I said, "...not everyone invited to the wedding has to be invited to these events."

I agree with PP. The couple does not plan these events so you really can't hold that against them.

If you are truly looking for a reason to not attend just RSVP no. No guest needs to explain why they won't go.

Life is too short to keep score. Don't focus on who was invited to what, but instead, on the actual invitation you did receive. If you read these forums long enough, you will see that the couple usually painfully pours over the list over and over again to be certain that the ones they want are on that list. And with the cost of weddings today (very different from 20-40 years ago), each person is that much more expensive to host. I don't know why you aren't close to the mother or your granddaughter, the bride. I'm sure there is a lot of back story there, but it is obvious they want to keep a relationship with you since you said you are the only ones invited on that side of the family. Be gracious and accept this olive branch. Go, enjoy, and be filled with love, not regret. If you feel this is asking too much, then decline the RSVP, but realize this could permanently affect your relationship with your son and your granddaughter.

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I think it depends on the relationship the bride has with you. She may be closer to those family members than she is to you. I have a huge family, as does my FH. And we only invited those we felt we had a solid relationship with . Some family members feelings are hurt and while I understand it doesn't change anything -- I have a head count and a budget and so many other things that I need to consider.

To me: She thought enough to invite you to the wedding, to me that says that she wants you there.

I don't know a reason she would invite you to the rehearsal dinner unless you were in the wedding or sponsored (contributed financially) to the wedding. the bridal shower she may have just wanted to do with friends and/or combined it into her bachelorette party -- another reason I wouldn't have invited you (& trust me I'd be doing you a favor lol). The only thing that I will agree is odd is that she didn't invite you too is the engagement party -- unless she didn't have one.

If you won’t be in good spirits don’t go.

Personally, unless there were super harsh words from the bride/groom to me, I would go. You don't get this day back. Sure her mom of the bride is a jerk, but oh well.....go see your granddaughter get married, if it is uncomfortable at the reception you can bail and go home.

You said yourself that her mother seems to be driving this since you don't get along. That would make sense since it's her family that is being invited, not necessarily that there are other family members from your side that have been and you have been excluded.

If your problem is truly with mom, don't punish your granddaughter for that. it WILL damage your relationship with her to not go. My dad's sister did not come to our wedding (after she RSVPd yes she intentionally decided not to go and not inform us - luckily she told my dad). I haven't been close with her in many years but now I have zero interest in a relationship with her. what she did was spiteful and intended to hurt me. While that may not be your goal, you don't know how your absence may be perceived. I would go if I was close to my granddaughter here.

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No, the bride doesn't plan the engagement party or the bridal shower. However, it is the bride that provides the list of people she would like to have in attendance.

I'm sorry that you were not invited to any of the other festivities for your granddaughter. I feel terrible for you. Honestly, I would not blame you if you did not attend the wedding. You should do what you think is best. I will pray for relationship healing for you and your family.