Should We Cancel the Wedding?

My coworker knew someone who went through something similar, so they filmed their courthouse wedding and played the video at the reception (a few months later), which I thought was a clever idea. What do you guys think of that?

Honey, I am soooooo soo sorry.

Why not have everyone who can attend the courthouse one come, do a “reception” at his favorite restaurant and then wear a simple elegant white gown for the ceremony?

Keep the wedding date you’ve got set. And have that be a celebration of the marriage. Add in a memory of FH dad and a chair for him, maybe say that you have him the marriage but are going thru with the wedding now?

Again, super sorry to hear that.

I am so, so sorry that you, your fiance and your families are going through this. I have a friend who is going through something very similar. Her fiance's father was diagnosed with stage four pancreatic cancer earlier this year. They had a small wedding in her backyard (wore a beautiful dress, got her make up done, etc) with only their families and then are planning something bigger in August 2020.

First off, I'm sorry for what you guys are going through. That's really difficult stuff.

I know someone who went through a similar situation. They decided to do a wedding earlier with immediate family, including her dad. They got married at their local church and had a small lunch reception. It was maybe 20 people. She wore her wedding dress and got her hair done.. had her photographer there, etc. She wanted her dad to get the full experience.
They then continued with their planned big wedding for the original date. Her dad had passed by that point. They just used an officiant for this wedding as they were already technically married.. so they didn't sign any paperwork but it was basically exactly like their original wedding would have been without the papers.

That might be a good option for you. Good luck.

We found out my fiancé’s father had stage 4 bladder cancer a month ago. Upon further inspection it wasn’t as bad as we were initially told. He’ll have to have surgery. And will likely be okay. We lucked out.

So if the news is really fresh wait and see if things change with more doctor visits. If things don’t, I would do the courthouse like you plan. That’s what I intended. Feel so honored to call this man my father-in-law and don’t want to miss out on that.

Thankfully I’m no longer in this position of having to decide between ceremonies. But I would continue to have the May ceremony as originally planned. It may seem weird, but I can’t imagine a courthouse ceremony will have all the personalized touches you are planning for the May ceremony. I think you can mention the original ceremony in your second ceremony and pay respects to his father and it will be just as meaningful as the first.

Also. His father wouldn’t want you guys to miss out on the big ceremony because of him. I’d do both.

My cousin married a year before her actual date because my uncle had lung cancer and was given a few weeks left. It wasn’t strange because People usually show up at the reception instead of the wedding ... for us anyway. I’m pretty sure you can do the court house and celebrate on your original date. Guest should understand.

I think you could have a smaller, intimate ceremony next month. The most important part of the day is your ceremony. Your vows are the most sacred moment. I would rather do a ceremony next month with a lovely, intimate dinner and a larger celebration at a later time when you can have your time. Hopefully, your FIL will be there. On the horrible chance that he's not, you and your FH will at least know he was there for the most important part. Two of our friends had their ceremony on one date and a reception at a later date. One couple eloped and had a reception later for their families. The other couple wanted a smaller ceremony with their best man and MOH and a reception later the next year. Both were wonderful receptions and they were happy with their decisions. I am so sorry for that horrible news. Cancer is beyond tragic.

So sorry to hear about your FFIL. It's a tough situation. We booked our wedding for next Oct. Then there were concerns about FH's mother being able to attend then. He just recently lost his father so it was even more important that his mom be there. We quickly put together a small church wedding with just our immediate families and went out to dinner with them afterwards at the restaurant where we had our first date.

I wore a long white dress that I got for $40, got a veil and headpiece on Amazon for not a lot of money. I ordered flowers and had a photographer. And I'm so glad I did it all. I had the same concerns you did and at first I wasn't even treating it like a real wedding. But as it got closer and when I saw him standing at the end if the aisle waiting for me. it was very real and emotional and perfect.

We're still planning a big thing for next year. I won't call it a wedding bc people get upset at that. But I plan on buying a wedding gown, going all out. It'll be a vow renewal instead of wedding ceremony and then we'll go into cocktail hour/reception as planned.

I thought people would think it's weird but everyone was excited for the small wedding and are looking forward to the big one too. Our families still talk about how nice and intimate our wedding was. People will understand why you're doing it and will want to celebrate you and your love no matter how it all comes together.

Life rarely works out as we plan it. Sometimes you have to make the best if a bad situation. You can make the small, quick ceremony very special and still have your dream one.

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Yes, that was another thing. At first his dad was fighting us on even having a courthouse ceremony with him. He definitely doesn't want us to cancel the wedding we had planned. I wouldn't want him to feel guilty or anything.

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I agree that the actual ceremony is more important than the documents. The vows and walking down the aisle and all that is what his dad would want to be there for, so I want to do all that with him. And you're right, there is a chance that he could make it to May and celebrate with us that day, which would be wonderful. But we wouldn't want to take that risk and not have him see us get married.

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Is that picture from your ceremony day? It looks beautiful! I have looked into getting a simple white gown for the ceremony since my dress won't be ready in time. We'll have flowers and stuff so it feels more traditional, too. I've told my fiance from the beginning that we could get married in town hall and I'd be happy! He convinced me to plan this whole big wedding in May lol. It will be special no matter what because I get to marry him.

View Quoted Comment It is! The day of, it truly didn't feel like anything less just because it was rushed and not the full vision. I get it, it's hard to let go of the dream vision but really you're just tweaking it, not losing it. Exactly! At the end of the day you'll be married to the love of your life and having your FIL there will mean the world to you both. I feel like I'm getting the best of both worlds by doing it twice. Good luck. I hope that your FIL will be able to attend both.

Get married at the court house like you said, but you can do a ceremony and reception in May still

Or you could get dressed up and do the courthouse wedding, and do just the reception in may

Would his father want you to cancel your big wedding plans? While he may have been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer there is no way for doctors to really be able to predict how long he will hang on. While I understand the devastation this diagnosis brings, keep in mind that your wedding may also offer your future FIL something positive to focus on during such a dark and difficult time.