Should I un-ask her to be my bridesmaid?

My advice is hide this post and look up this topic in the WW search. You will get no nice answers. This topic has been posted about over and over and over again. You don't fire or unask bridesmaids.

Take her out for a glass of wine and find out how she's handling the break up. Don't bring up the wedding but let her know that she is still your friend

I would fire her. It's a once in a life time event. Why would you want her to make it difficult/awkward

Helena, thanks for the advice. I care about our friendship, but she is always "busy". This is very heartbreaking.

'Firing' a wedding party member is generally considered a friendship-ending move. It doesn't sound like that's what you're aiming for here. I'm with Helena and Alicia, take her out and talk with her, see how she's doing without asking about wedding plans. She may be really struggling with the breakup.

I know showing up to a wedding where my ex was when things were still raw would have been very hard and painful for me.

I don't agree with @heather at all. Yes this type of question gets asked a lot and is a hot topic.

But your situation is different. It's not the typical bridezilla dumbass saying, "My bridesmaid doesn't want to help me plan my wedding so I am going to kick her out"

This girl is a friend and practically a family member, who has a ended a relationship with your brother.

So yes, I do agree with @helena. Meet up with her in person and just talk to her. Be her friend. Find out what she wants.

Talk to your brother and see how he feels.

You still have 7 months for stuff to cool down.

Are they broken up for good?

Dating for several years..maybe this is just a bad spat and will be resolved on its own.

Sorry OP, hope it all works out

@Cora, exactly a wedding in a one-time a event. A friendship should mean more than a one-time event. Asking her to step down is a friendship ruining move. Even if she does remain in your life, the relationship will never be the same.

You can't fire her. If she's uncomfortable, you let her come to you and back out but you can't make that decision for her. Stop talking wedding with her and be there for her as a friend. She might seem uninterested because of the recent breakup (and because nobody will be as excited for your wedding as you are). Continuing to talk all wedding with her after the breakup is probably like rubbing salt in a wound to her.

Don't assume she doesn't want to be in your wedding. She could be hot and cold because she obviously has a lot going on in her life. Bridesmaids are friends first, bridal party members second. Try being a friend to her without talking about your wedding and see where that goes.

You need to talk to her. I was maid of honor in one of my best friends wedding, her brother happened to be my on again offf again ex of several years.

@amanda&Ilir- kidnap her. Lol. I do mean that. If one of my best friends was going through a breakup and I couldn't get a hold of her I would sit on her doorstep until she got home and force wine in her. The wine and lending an ear is what she really needs

I would call her, not text her. If that does not work, drop by her place and check on her. She could be a wreck from the breakup. I am like PP, is this a permanent thing or taking a breather type break up?

No don't do it.

A friend of mine had a very similar situation but the girlfriend was her maid of honor. She broke up with the brides brother FIVE DAYS before the wedding! Both her brother and the girlfriend insisted everything would be fine and that they would be civil for the sake of the bride and groom. NO SUCH LUCK! She threw a fit and cried at the rehearsal dinner and then was no where to be found while we were all getting ready and taking pictures. She also got into a pretty heated argument with the brides father during the reception that led to a physical fight between the brides brother and father! Thankfully you have 7 months for things to settle. Good luck!

Hmmmm this situation is hard because you don't want to upset feeling of her but then again you don't wanna piss your brother off

Seriously? How hard is it to pick up the phone or meet up with her and say, "Look, I know you and my brother broke up. As far as I'm concerned, you and I are still good, however I understand if you don't want to be in the wedding anymore because it might feel awkward for you. If you don't, that's cool, if you do, great! Just let me know, because I'd really like to have you there, regardless if you choose to be there as a bridesmaid or a guest."

Then it's up to her.

I'm in a similar situation. My FH's best friend & best man had been in the same relationship for 4 years, she and I grew really close and I asked her to be a bridesmaid... she seemed happy but reluctant, I know now because they were on the verge of a breakup. They broke up. She's continually said "I still want to be your bridesmaid but I understand if you don't want me to be" and I've continually said - I asked you to be a bridesmaid because you are one of my closest friends, not because you're the best mans girlfriend. The only way you're out is if you want to be.

I figure if she decides she wants out she'll let me know. Otherwise it's not brought up and I do my best to support her through the breakup because really, it's a god damn wedding.

I agree with everything MNA said. I do understand that she may be busy and it is hard to catch up with her, but it needs to be done.

Talk to her, not text. Or better yet meet for a coffee. Let her know you value the friendship either way, and hope she is ok with being in the wedding but also understand if it's uncomfortable for her. Give her the option, communicate.

Talk to her about it...