Should I send a message out to Family I am not inviting to our wedding?

No. It would be super awkward and tacky to contact people ahead of time and explain to them why they aren't being invited. After you are married, send out a wedding announcement.

No, don't do that. We only invited 50 people. When family asked, my mom just told them we were keeping it extremely intimate. That was only if someone asked about the wedding she didn't actively go out and tell people. Everyone understood and we didn't have any issues.

Great question! I was going to do the same until I saw annakay511's answer. I'm only inviting immediate family and my FH's family and friends. All my Aunts, Uncles, and cousin's will not be invited. I had intended to write them in case they felt like "How dare she?" or "What did I do not to get invited?" all the questions I don't want to answer a million times! I'm sure questions you don't want to answer either! I think maybe a wedding announcement would be best and maybe suddenly hint on FB or something about planning your SMALL wedding. I don't know if that is tacky or not, but I don't want to blindside people so I may hint here and there publicly how I am so excited to plan my small wedding lol. Sorry if this was lame advice! It's the only thing I could think of!

I would invest that time preparing a considerate response. But don't contact them ahead of time.

I wouldn't say anything. Wait until they say something to you and give them your answer.

Please don't do that you will create a lot of headache for yourself

No, you should never contact people to tell them why they aren't invited. That is awkward and rude.

And no Mrs.Merritt, posting wedding stuff on Facebook causes drama so that's not a good idea either.

Im having a similar problem. Ive decided to invite my one aunt (plus husband) and my uncle (plus wife) because I really want them there. Unfortunately I am not inviting any cousins. There just isnt any more room. Is it rude to invite all aunts/uncles and no cousins, or will it be clear that I am keeping a consistent line and inviting the elders only?

@megzie- no I'm not sure the line will be consistent to other people. However it is your wedding so if you want to invite them and no cousins do it! My etiquette with who to invite and everything went out the window a long time ago so I know some of my family is gonna have major issues. But if its what you want I don't see why you shouldn't do it!

@Emily- Yea I guess you are right, however if it goes out of control I will as a last solution, but will try to avoid it. My family is..... interesting.

We kept our wedding small. I invited aunts/uncles and their spouses, but not cousins. I dedicated a blog post to it, breaking the news gently before sending invitations out. It made for smooth sailing. There would have been hurt feelings if I hadn't let it be known. Here is a link to what I wrote.

http://christopherandsarah.us/surprise/

Sarah- that was a great idea! That's why I have thought about telling people because I know a bunch will be hurt about it and if people approach me one on one I could give in, so it almost seems easier this way. It was creative without overly emphasizing that they are not invited. Thanks for the idea! Sandra let us know what you decided to do after all! I'm interested to hear your thoughts!

Hon, family's God's chosen gift to you. Don't un-invite anyone. They're family for a reason: all the good & inconveniences.... They'll fit in no matter how small. I will definitely invite every family. it is up to them to make it or to not. Again, not inviting them will introduce an eternal FEUD.

Also keep in mind: marriage may come & go; family will always be there!!

#bewise

My chapel literally could not seat more than 35 people. Nobody was un-invited. We are kind of home bodies and are content with the sweet and quiet life that we live. The size of our wedding was perfect for us. I have 38 cousins. Most of them are married and have 2-4 children each. That equals 100+ more people than my venue could have held. Out of those 38 cousins, I only was invited to two of their weddings. I live on the other side of the country than all of them. We were realistic in the type of wedding that we had. It caused no tension or feud. Everyone was really happy for us and we had the best day ever.

I have a huge family as well. I'm only inviting immediate aunts, uncles, and cousins of them. I've had multiple people ask about coming and I tell them I have a guest limit but they can come party after the reception lol

It's totally acceptable to send out a wedding announcement after the wedding to people who weren't invited to announce your marriage, but I wouldn't explain to anyone why they weren't invited unless they come to you to ask.

Please don't contact the uninvited lol! FH and I are also having a very intimate ceremony, and only having about 40 guests. I have made it known that we are only inviting immediate family and closest friends. My grandmother is going to throw a party for us later so that she can invite extended family, but we weren't willing to have a huge wedding just to say we invited almost everyone we know even though we don't talk to many of them on a regular basis.

I agree that you shouldn't preemptively send something out, but I would spend some time writing up a response (in advance) to people who contact you asking why they weren't invited.

Also- to clarify for some above posters- OP is not uninviting anyone. The people she would be contacting are family who were never invited due to the size of their wedding.

Ok, so I just talked to my mom about this. She felt like because I am inviting my aunts and uncles but not my cousins, I should call my aunts/uncles to let them know that I am keeping it small so extended family will end with aunts and uncles.

Good luck with this--It is NOT easy!

I would definitely not send out a card. I would take it as a slap in the face. And most of my family would too. If someone asks just say you wanted an intimate wedding and they will understand. If they don't it's their problem.

SO and I are also having a very small wedding. The venue holds 40 people max and that includes us and the photographer. I have nearly 100 family members.

The venue is also clear on the other side of the states. (all of the family is east coast, we are getting married on the west coast).

I sent out save the dates to the people that mean the most to me. Certain aunts and uncles, no cousins, mostly friends whom I consider family, and of course our immediate family. Some of the cousins that are not invited will know something is going on because: 1) their parents are invited, 2)gotta love facebook, 3) people talk.

I called up each person and told them that due to the size of our venue, and that I totally understand that traveling so far for a weekend is very expensive they would not be receiving an invite, but we will have a camera and live streaming the event so they can 'be apart of it".