Should i contact Potential bm or not?

View Quoted Comment Thanks Allie for answering. If she declines that’s totally understandable. But she never declined. So my question is, should I follow up with her.

View Quoted Comment Well that why at the end of the message, I asked everyone to text me individually. And it’s really not about money. I expect them to pay for their own dress and shoes. And they will be picking out their own dress just in my color scheme, so she is really deciding how much she will spend.

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Right, I just think you should reach out individually to her if she hasn't responded.

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Yes, follow up with her.

View Quoted Comment Same. Would've declined because I personally couldn't swing all that. I made things as easy as possible for my bridesmaids, because I wouldn't want to be a part of something so demanding and don't feel comfortable asking it. People have lives outside of our weddings, they can't drop everything for a year, and it's unreasonable to expect them to. I purposely made it so my bridesmaids had a lot of flexibility and personal choices, minimal expenses, next to no nagging, and nothing asked of them beyond the regular duties. It was pretty much: pick your own dress and shoe style within these parameters (I arrange, you pay), get your hair and makeup done if you want it (I arrange, you pay), plan and show up to the bachelorette, show up to the rehearsal dinner, show up to the wedding, be positive and have fun throughout. My wedding is in 2.5 weeks and I have no idea if they have all their alterations done, their shoes purchased, etc., and I really don't care when they do it as long as they do it. I see soooo many bridesmaid problems on WW having to do with brides' expectations being too high, their clocks being wound too tight, and brides having too much of a need to micromanage every aspect of their bridal party. I think if you can avoid these things out of the gate, you'll all have a much better time and wayyy fewer problems. It's awesome you told them your expectations up front, but I really, really think it helps to keep expectations in check from the beginning.

Continuing from my last message, if you have these things in mind that's great and soo helpful to the process, I just feel like it needs to be said more often on here. I definitely think you should follow up with her personally.

Thanks everyone for all the comments. I decided to just call her. And she said we’ve been friends so long, she didn’t think she had to text me like the other girls. And she will be the most supportive bridesmaid possible!

View Quoted Comment Yay! I understood you from the beginning girl! It’s funny cuz a lot of the people commenting are usually the ones telling other brides that are having bridesmaid problems that they should have made their expectations known before asking people to be bridesmaids so they had a chance to decline. Now it seems they’re kinda jumping down your throat for doing just that. You might have high expectations but you disclosed that to your potential bridesmaids and whoever was up for it accepted. Not everyone has friends who only do the bare minimum (e.g. buy a dress and show up 🙄). Congrats to you and good luck!

I think you should definitely follow up, especially if you want her in the wedding and want to preserve your friendship with her and preferably not through text or in a group setting because she may be a little elevated. Ask her if there is something bothering her and then listen. Don't judge and try to remain calm. Also, try not to take anything personally. Her attitude isn't your problem and you don't need to take it in or own it. Directly state your needs in a kind and polite way, but be firm and dont let her gaslight you. Also, it may help for you to also have realistic expectations. A lot of brides, (not you specifically) expect their bridesmaids to do all the grunt work and fall in line regardless of the demands regardless of how much time it takes and how much money it costs. If you respect your bridesmaids, they will respect you. This should be a happy and fun time.

View Quoted Comment Ok so why are you picking these girls to be your brides maid? Cause you want them to help? Or because you want t them to stand by you? It is yours and your fiancés job to plan the wedding not your brides maids.

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Thanks so much girl. I think my point got lost somewhere. LOL but you get it!