Should i contact Potential bm or not?

What? I wouldn’t respond if my “friend” text me her (very high) expectations for her bridal party before she even asked me to be a part of it either. You didn’t have a single positive thing to say about this girl. I think I’d skip on asking her.

If you're convinced she's gonna be a headache, don't ask her to be a BM. Spare yourself the potential excess stress she could cause you!

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Hey Caytlyn,

I'm not sure what where the very high expectations exactly?? All my expectations are that of what a bridesmaid usually does. My main reason in texting the group, not just her, was to make sure they understood what they will be saying yes to.

And frankly, she had a piss-poor attitude at our friend's wedding last year. But nonetheless, she is still a friend of almost 30 years who has a good heart.

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Thanks for responding Cher, I really don't want to hurt her feelings or our friendship but I think no response is a response.

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You're very right about that! Select only your nearest and dearest for your special day

View Quoted Comment The only thing a brides maid is responsible for is the dress and standing by you that day. Plus you should ask budget before picking a dress. It is your fiancé job to help you plan. I get if you got a dress in her price point the she would not get it. But if a friend texted me that for me to be in her wedding I had to buy a dress out of my price point I would be hurt.

Leave it alone. She just may contact you at the last minute to give more aggrevation. If she gives no answer within 3 months, send her a postcard & tell her that you would like her to read some poetry during the ceremony but you you have already selected your bridal party. If she is really your friend, she should be grateful to be a part in any aspect that you request. If she's upset, tell her you are sorry that she's unhappy but she is invited as a guest. The less you beg or insist, the worse it will be. Like I said, leave it alone. Take charge, but leave it alone. Good luck.

You have a little over a year before your wedding. I would leave it alone and see if she responds to you.

I would expect to be a part of a bridal party if the bride sent me a picture of a potential bridesmaids dress and "stated" her expectations. Why text that to someone if they aren't a bridesmaid? I would talk to her privately, over the phone, to see if she is up for it financially and emotionally.

View Quoted Comment ...this. To send these texts and not follow up with an invite or conversation seems like you’re just baiting for drama. THAT said, it doesn’t sound like you actually want her in your wedding, so, you shouldn’t include her....though if you’re not going to include her you shouldn’t have sent her pics of the dress and a list of expectations. So, you’ve sort of created an awkward situation where in at minimum, you absolutely owe her the courtesy of a conversation.

I find it strange to send a group text to people you haven't asked to be a bridesmaid yet, because that gives them the impression that you're going to ask... and people tend to assume, and I'm sure you didn't mean it this way, but the way you've phrased it makes it sound a little demanding. I've only asked my MOH and I plan on asking my maids individually. I basically said to her, it's ok if you're not up for it because I know you're busy and have kids etc etc and then I laid out what the wedding would entail and then asked her, so she knew what she would be in for. I'm not asking her to help with planning, she doesn't even have to buy a dress unless she wants to for the reception, and I didn't dictate what attitude I expected of her - it's just a long multi-day Cambodian traditional ceremony and I wanted to make sure she was okay with time commitment. My only expectation of her is that she stand by my side and is my best friend.

View Quoted Comment I do want her to be in the wedding. I just hope that she leaves the attitude problem back at home. Before I was even engaged, she told me she expects to be in the wedding and I better not ask her to do any special walk down the aisle. That why I decided to write the group message stating that I will be requiring my girls to happily participate.
And it was GROUP message not singling anyone out. These were the exact words.
“Hey girls. I know it's late, so I'll get straight to the point. I'm starting to plan the wedding and want to choose my bridal party. The wedding will be next year October in Atlanta. I will need some dedication for this since you will be helping A LOT. I know a lot of y'all have some amazing and exciting things coming up next year so y'all will be busy! New jobs, new homes, growing families, going back to school, etc...So if you feel you won't be very helpful, won't be able to pay for your own dress and etc.., won't be able to come prior to wedding to help, will be negative or aggravating or will be back talking then please lmk. There will be NO LOVE LOSS and I appreciate your honesty. 😘 Text me individually please. ”

View Quoted Comment I think You’re right. It’s over a year, so I have Ample time.

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I'm sure that's why she didn't respond, it was a group message. That's kind of a weird place to talk about concerns to the bride. It should be a private conversation especially if it concerns money.

View Quoted Comment This was the exact message.

Hey girls. I know it's late, so I'll get straight to the point. I'm starting to plan the wedding and want to choose my bridal party. The wedding will be next year October in Atlanta. I will need some dedication for this since you will be helping A LOT. I know a lot of y'all have some amazing and exciting things coming up next year so y'all will be busy! New jobs, new homes, growing families, going back to school, etc...So if you feel you won't be very helpful, won't be able to pay for your own dress and etc.., won't be able to come prior to wedding to help, will be negative or aggravating or will be back talking then please lmk. There will be NO LOVE LOSS and I appreciate your honesty. 😘 Text me individually please.

Which part baits for drama?

View Quoted Comment So this was the exact message to the group.

Hey girls. I know it's late, so I'll get straight to the point. I'm starting to plan the wedding and want to choose my bridal party. The wedding will be next year October in Atlanta. I will need some dedication for this since you will be helping A LOT. I know a lot of y'all have some amazing and exciting things coming up next year so y'all will be busy! New jobs, new homes, growing families, going back to school, etc...So if you feel you won't be very helpful, won't be able to pay for your own dress and etc.., won't be able to come prior to wedding to help, will be negative or aggravating or will be back talking then please lmk. There will be NO LOVE LOSS and I appreciate your honesty. 😘 Text me individually please.

I expect my bridesmaid to help me make the favors, pay for their dress and shoes. To me that’s what I mean by a lot.

I do think it is odd that you sent out this text, but what's done is done. If you read a lot of discussions on here, you'll see that most girls have problems with their bridesmaids. Getting them to participate, pick dresses, etc. I think it just comes with the territory of having too high of expectations. If I had received that text, I probably would have declined. It seems like a little too much for me personally.

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Ok, that's not so bad! just the way you phrased it in the original post, haha. i think you should follow your gut on this one... gut's usually right! Or maybe just ask her to lunch or for drinks sometime and feel it out if you're still not sure. I think some things are better done in person and it's hard to tell what someone is feeling over text. maybe she just forgot to respond because she was super busy (or if it was me asleep) and it just slipped her mind?

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Well, since you are expecting so much help, I guess it makes sense to lay out your expectations like a job advertisement. If I received that I wouldn't be at all excited to attend and I certainly wouldn't feel honored. But, what's done is done.

I would definitely interpret that message to mean I was being asked to be a bridesmaid, not that I was being interviewed or tested on my response. So, I think you need to absolutely have a real conversation (phone or in person) with the one you are iffy about before you cut her out of your life.

View Quoted Comment Not the text itself but to send the text and not initiate any conversation about it after the fact with the girl. To pre-ask and then not actually ask her to be a bridesmaid would be what causes drama— it sends a very clear message. What you have done is set her up so that she can say no if she doesn’t think she can handle it without it being offensive, but you do definitely still need to actually follow up with her and directly ask her if she’s interested:able to be a part of your day.