Should i be upset?

View Quoted Comment Thank you for being kind and supportive. That’s why I posted because I figured other brides would be that way (supportive and understanding). I’m not expecting people to take my side but not be hateful toward me. So I appreciate your words.

View Quoted Comment I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were referring to someone else. It’s not that I have my mind made up. I’m torn because I want him to go and have fun but the stress right now is crazy. I just feel I’m doing this alone and I have to have everything done. If it had been even a few days ago...then fine.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you. It's not about "letting him". It's a simple matter of respecting the time and effort you've put in to planning this for you both and at least giving you a heads up and making sure he has childcare in place for his kids at the very least so you can finish what you need to. I would be out of sorts too. When do you get to relax and enjoy your wedding weekend? I wish I had some advice for you but unfortunately I don't. I just know if it were me, I'd tell him exactly how I feel and let him know that if he's not gonna chip in with his time and energy then you're gonna scale back the plans since you have every right to enjoy yourself too without having to watch all 7 kids alone.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. That’s what I’m willing to do. I just hate that everything is falling on me.

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I feel you! Weddings are stressful enough as it is! Sending hugs! You’ll get through this Just try to enjoy it as much as you can!

View Quoted Comment You're welcome. List everything that needs to be done before tomorrow. Work through the list together. I'd also ask if he could wait until the kids are in bed before leaving. This is about responsibility. You are not the bad guy, your FH has free will. From this point forward decide to no longer have an opinion. It's up to him, as you have said. I know that doesn't ease the anger, but you are no longer responsible for his decision.

View Quoted Comment Thank you so much! I didn’t even want the big wedding. I just wanted something small with just our kids. He talked me into it. Then it turned into a weekend long event. I’m stressed to the max and I guess I would have been better if it were a couple of days ago or at least given me a heads up a few days ago so I didn’t have everything planned out.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I want to. I think my anxiety and stress levels have gone through the roof that I just want to run away for awhile. I want to get excited about the wedding but I’m not. I want to be excited so bad but I’m not.

Now I don’t have kids so I can’t relate to that. But, I know the whole week leading up to my wedding I was stressed to the max! Including the Day before (when we set up). Once I reached the rehearsal all my stress slipped away and I enjoyed the time. I didn’t work on one single wedding detail. Whatever wasn’t done before the rehearsal just wasn’t done 🤷‍♀️
My husband went out after the rehearsal dinner and I went to the hotel where I hung out with my bridesmaid and mom.

Now yes you have a whole weekend planned and kid thrown in the mix. But I think once things start rolling and you wedding weekend starts, your stress will start to go away. Enjoy your event Friday, then pour some wine, chill with your girls and I’m sure some grandparent would love to spend some extra time with the grand kids. Or they might be so pooped from all the activities they get right to sleep. “Let” him go, don’t stress over him not spending time with his kids. That’s not what this weekend is about. Don’t let this surprise cause you more stress. Remember to breathe and enjoy everything. This weekend will be over before you know it!

View Quoted Comment Oh! I second this! This is a great idea!! 😊

View Quoted Comment Ouff! That may cause a lot of frustration on your part if he shows up wasted or too hung over the next morning. I know it’s hard but just try to explain to him the importance of taking it easy. Explain to him that it’s going to be really difficult for you to set up while watching the children so he really needs to make sure that he’s on point the next morning to help make up for lost time. Make sure there’s plenty of Red Bull in the fridge too. If for whatever reason he does show up wasted and hung over the next day, you just have to channel whatever patience you have inside of you to just let it go, because the last thing you want is to be upset with him on your wedding.

I think that part of being in a relationship (especially a marriage) IS making joint decisions. You two are getting married so that two people become one. That is the beauty of marriage, and it also means very few unilateral decisions going forward.

If it were me, I would explain to my fiancé that I am not comfortable with him going out for a big night on the town the day before our wedding weekend begins. It doesn't matter if he would be okay with me doing it. I would want to have an honest discussion about my worries about that plan. (and frankly, his friends should have checked with you first)

I once helped out at a wedding where the bride went out with her friends the night before while the groom watched her children. She ended up having a brutal hangover, he was definitely resentful, and it just was overall not great. (Their marriage did end--though they had problems MUCH deeper than this disagreement)

Your feelings are VALID. I would feel the same way you do. Don't be afraid to forcefully express yourself on this one.

P.S. In my experience, even if your fiancé promises not to drink too much, it is more than likely he will get absolutely bombed. He will be with his friends who are egging him on all night. I've seen too many bachelorette parties, 21st birthday parties, retirement parties that have gone the exact same way.

Let him have a big celebration out with his boys after the wedding. Who cares if it's after the wedding. You'll get a night to wind down after a really exciting few weeks, and he will get the party he wanted.

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I'm glad to help. Yes, women can be very crude sometimes. I've been on the receiving end. I wish you the best and don't stress, you'll have a beautiful day and once you're walking down the aisle all else will be forgotten.

View Quoted Comment That first paragraph 100%!!!!! Say it louder for the people in the back who don’t realize what the unity of marriage means! Please and THANK YOU!

Wow. I think you definitely have a reason to be upset. That is a lot to spring on a bride right before their wedding! I understand his friends want to do something special for him; but like you said, they already got to spend time with him the night before. You already graciously took 7 hours out of your time (that I am sure you could have used for wedding planning!) to pick up his kids for him, so that he would have time with his friends. If a bachelor party was so important to them, his friends should have let both him and you know what they were planning. It is incredibly inconsiderate of them to spring that on you last minute. No offense, but this wedding should be all about the joining of you two (and his children) in marriage, NOT about partying with his friends. If spending time together is so important, they should plan a guys weekend in the future, after the wedding. Unfortunately, they have really placed you in a lose-lose situation. If you let him go, you will now be responsible for his children and will not be able to have the planning time and relaxing time you deserve before your wedding. But, if you speak up, you then become the “bad guy”. I am so sorry they have put you in this unfair position. I would do some soul-searching and decide which option will lead to the most happiness for you on your big day. If you decide to let him do the bachelor party, I would insist that he find childcare for his children (maybe his parents?). I would explain to him that you are respecting his desire to go out with his friends, and in turn you are asking him to respect your desire to spend your evening finishing up details for the wedding, so that you both can enjoy your big day. Good luck! I hope it all works out!

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I agree with this. Make a list of everything that still needs to be done prior to the wedding, discuss it with him, and work out how and when the two of you will accomplish everything on the list without leaving everything to the last minute. Really, this is something that you should do anyway, regardless of if he goes out for the bachelor party or not. It shouldn't all fall on you to get everything done, but at the same time you need to communicate to him that you need his help with completing these tasks. I also agree with the others who have suggested that he should help to arrange child care for the evening.

Maybe there can be a compromise where he’s not out for that long with them?

That's if he agrees to go...is he aware of it or its a surpise? i would be pissed too

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This explains so much. It sounds like you two have a history of poor communication, him telling you how things are going to be, and you accepting it but then resenting him. It's obviously too late for pre-marital counseling, but I would definitely look into couples counseling after the wedding to work through these issues and learn how to communicate with each other better.

For the short-term, I agree with everyone else who said to ask for his help finding childcare. Watching 7 children alone when you had not planned to AND have a bunch of other stuff to do is a pretty unreasonable thing for him to spring on you. Speak up and ask for help to get through this.

And finally, please try not to let this unfortunate incident ruin the whole wedding for you. I get being upset but if you hold a grudge, you will only be hurting yourself. Enjoy your weekend, and then focus on dealing with this after the wedding.