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Savvy July 2020

Should i be upset?

Stacey, on July 9, 2020 at 5:25 AM Posted in Planning 0 41
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So I’m getting married on Saturday. This isn’t my first wedding nor is it my FH. We have 7 kids between us. Yesterday, I drove over 7 hours (round trip) to get his 3 kids so they will be at the wedding. His best friend and another friend drove around 11 hours to get here early yesterday. They were able to spend about 7 hours together before I got here with his kids even. Our wedding isn’t just a Saturday event. It starts Friday night when our guests come in for dinner even. Tons of planning went in to making this weekend a party. We will have boating and jet skis. Tons of planning for all details as you can imagine. Anyway, the reason I’m creating this is because I was informed by his best friend that they are taking my FH tomorrow night for a bachelor party. Ummmm...what? I guess I feel like I have less than a 24 hour notice about this and I’m going to be stuck here by myself watching all the kids and getting everything put together by myself now. Also, he doesn’t get to see his kids very often (sometimes for a few hours a month and not even all 3). In case anyone is wondering I am not having a bachelorette party because my friends didn’t plan it but they live far away as well and couldn’t take that much time off to do it. I wouldn’t have been upset if it wasn’t right before the wedding and the kids weren’t here. My anxiety is already high and I’m not even excited about the wedding anymore. I should also mention they guys went to Hooters and spent a couple of hours together drinking already as well. That didn’t bother me at all. I was totally fine with it. Am I making a bigger deal out of this then I should be? I just feel overwhelmed and feel like this is going to create more anxiety and I’m going to be pissed that I’m doing this all on my own now.

41 Comments

Latest activity by Ashley, on July 10, 2020 at 3:40 AM
  • KiwiDerbyBride
    VIP May 2015
    KiwiDerbyBride ·
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    What does your FH say about it?

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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    I second what Kiwi said...does he want this or is this more what his groomsmen/friends want?

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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    Following suit, what does your FH say? I can see both sides of it. Part of me would want to be really upset, the other part understanding. I think the only thing you can do is express your feelings to your FH and be honest, not angry.

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  • Samantha
    Expert October 2021
    Samantha ·
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    I don't think so. That is a lot for 1 person to handle on there own; on top of a wedding. They could have had a bachelor party at any moment leading up to the wedding; why now? I also agree that he should be spending this time with his kids. This is why they are there.
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  • D
    June 2021
    Dj Tanner ·
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    I understand your upset. Not gonna lie I’d be upset too if I didn’t have a heads up. But at the same time his friends did drive all the way down early and it seems like they were probably planning a bachelor party for him. I don’t think his friends would be too thrilled about driving down early only to help him watch the children. I think they were expecting to take him out and have some guy time. I would be extremely pissed however, if he came home wasted and then too hung over to help the next day. I would have a serious talk with him and tell him to not come home wasted and not be hung over the next morning because you will need help setting up that morning and you can’t do that while watching the children.
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  • J
    Expert May 2021
    Jaime ·
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    I can understand being upset. I can also see letting him go IF AND ONLY IF he brainstormed with you how the kids would be taken care of in his absence. To just expect you to watch all the kids AND put together a whole wedding weekend is not reasonable.

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  • S
    Savvy July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    He said if it was reverse he wouldn’t be upset. I told them all it’s his decision. Yet, I’m sure the tone in my voice says differently. I told him privately how I felt and that’s when he said if it was reversed he wouldn’t be upset and would let me go. I’m not stopping him. I’m just upset because of what I listed.
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  • S
    Savvy July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    He said when I heard about it is the first time he heard about it. I don’t know that I believe it because they spent all day together. I think he wanted his friends to break it to me.
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  • S
    Savvy July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    I’m sure he wants it. It’s not that I don’t want him to have it. I just wish it would have been before we had a house full of kids. At this point I seriously just want to leave myself and forget I have to put all this together. The worst part is...he was ok with exchanging letters with each other before the wedding. He hasn’t even wrote his yet but watched tons of videos on the riots. I think if I felt he was putting forth the effort to get things done with me I wouldn’t be so upset. I feel last on his list right now. This is supposed to be an amazing time for us and I am just dreading it now.
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  • S
    Savvy July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    I did. I wasn’t angry at all when I spoke to him. He said if it was reversed that he would let me go. Personally, knowing him the way I know him he would be upset that I left him with all the kids.
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  • S
    Savvy July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    Thank you. It’s not that I don’t want him to enjoy his friends or do stuff with him. I just feel the timing is bad. We still have so much to do and now it’s all on me to do it. So if he doesn’t go then I’m the bad guy. If he does go then I will be mad. So it’s a no win situation honestly. I told him the decision is up to him.
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  • S
    Savvy July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    Thank you. His best friend is a great guy but is an alcoholic. So...getting drunk is probably going to happen.
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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I can't get behind this thought process of "letting him" do anything. It's weird that people think they need to give their SO permission to do things. I agree that I would be frustrated about the last minute notice, however, I also think it's important to recognize that this is a one time opportunity, he doesn't get to have a bachelor party ever again (hopefully.) I would ask if there's anyone else that he can ask to help with childcare since you're being left to tie up loose ends on your own.

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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    You have every right to feel how you feel. It may be worthwhile to sit down, and have a discussion about your feelings of feeling overwhelmed.

    As far as the letter, the way I see it is you can either choose to let go and allow him to do things in his own way, or you can grapple with being in control of everything. That’s entirely up to you how you handle it at this point. The fact is he has until the day of the wedding to write a letter. Is this how you would do it? Quite possibly not, but this may be his way.

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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    This 💯 🙌🙌🙌tenor.gif

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  • S
    Savvy July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    I’m not sure if you have kids but “letting him” do something isn’t my problem. I think out of respect for me and this weekend he should be asking if it’s ok and if I need help. If it was reversed I would check with him and make sure he was cool with everything. If he told me he had a lot on his plate and a lot to do then if I really wanted to go then I would make time to get everything done. His friends and the kids decided they wanted to go to the local amusement park today. Ok, I was fine with that because I thought we would have time to finalize things tonight and pack up everything tonight. So on Friday we work to get things decorated and greet our guests. On Saturday all the kids, my FH and all our guests get to enjoy all the water activities. Guess who doesn’t? I was fine with that and now I feel like I have more work out on me. When do I get time to relax and have fun???
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  • S
    Savvy July 2020
    Stacey ·
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    Wow...nice!!!
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  • Margaret
    Master October 2020
    Margaret ·
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    Maybe ask him to find a sitter and tell him you're going to go out with your friends. IDK, you're in a tough spot. It's a lot of stress especially if it's the night before the wedding.

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  • Caytlyn
    Legend November 2019
    Caytlyn ·
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    I was referring to the commenter who said "I can understand being upset. I can also see letting him go IF AND ONLY IF..."

    Anyway, I understand that you had a different opinion, I was only offering my insight. You asked if you should be upset, that was the whole point of your post, but it seems that you already have your mind made up on how you want to handle this situation.

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  • Mrs.a
    Master October 2021
    Mrs.a ·
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    I think it’s good sound advice... Quite possibly you could work together to find a sitter to help with childcare while you work to get things ready. Find a solution that is in both of your favors.

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