Post content has been hidden

To unblock this content, please click here

Savvy September 2016

Should I bail out of being the maid of honor?

Flag
Hide content

Stella, on September 11, 2014 at 12:28 PM

The bride who asked me to be the maid of honor is my best friend since kindergarten, and I really care about her. They're having the wedding in the groom's country, so it's going to cost me $1500 in airfare only, not counting any of the maid of honor expenses. I'm not sure how many days I'm expected to stay there, but even if I were staying just two days, hotel ground transportation meals will run up another $500 at the very least (big touristy city). I earn less than 3k a month, and after rent, just being a guest in her wedding is already approaching two months' paycheques. With presents and other things (I'm not even thinking about a bachelorette or a bridal shower yet!) I anticipate the bill being $3000. She's also financially tight, as her husband-to-be has no job, so although I've asked her to have a second wedding, I know it's not going to happen. I don't think I can afford to be at this wedding, even as a guest. How can I tell her this in a nice way?

Show all

28 Comments

Master June 2015
AndixLyn · on September 11, 2014 at 12:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
Tell your good friend the same thing you told strangers on the internet. its honest and understandable.
- Reply
Savvy September 2016
Stella · on September 11, 2014 at 12:53 PM
Flag

Hide content
Haha I won't lie, it would be a huge gift out of guilt. But I do love her, and I don't mind splurging on her, as long as it's within my means. I can scrounge together 1k, but any more than that would be a serious strain on my bank account.
- Reply
Savvy September 2016
Stella · on September 11, 2014 at 1:00 PM
Flag

Hide content
Telling strangers is definitely easier!
- Reply
Master January 2015
Emmy · on September 11, 2014 at 1:09 PM
Flag

Hide content
Just let her know it is out of your budget and hope she understands. I hope it isn't about gifts and she would love your support in any way you can supply it. You should know that you have no duties as a MOH other than buying a dress and going to the wedding. That being said, I still wouldn't go.
- Reply
Master January 2015
Janeen · on September 11, 2014 at 1:10 PM
Flag

Hide content
It might come off as weird that you say you can't afford to attend but then can give an extravagant gift.
- Reply
Savvy September 2016
Stella · on September 11, 2014 at 1:13 PM
Flag

Hide content
Well, the bill will run up to 3k just being a guest in her wedding! I would have been willing to spend maybe 1.5k total in her wedding (although that's already beyond my means, to be honest), so I thought I'd giver her a very nice gift. Is that weird?
- Reply
Super October 2014
Mrs. Bauer · on September 11, 2014 at 1:20 PM
Flag

Hide content
I think $1,000 is a *little* overkill. I personally would feel very weird getting that expensive of a gift...
- Reply

Savvy September 2016
Stella · on September 11, 2014 at 1:23 PM
Flag

Hide content
I thought I would buy her a nice pair of shoes, or maybe a purse or something. I don't like the FH and he frowns upon her buying expensive things for herself, even though he earns no money himself. So I thought it would be her last chance to splurge (plus I get to not gift the groom)! But I'll keep it in mind and think a little more about the wedding gift.
- Reply