Shoe Disaster

I don’t think anything is wrong with you asking them to wear vans 0-0 they don’t even need to wear it the entire day.. just long enough for the photos and ceremony.
Are the gowns short or long anyway?

I feel like if you’re going to require your bridal party to wear specific shoes (especially shoes they’ve indicated they don’t like) you should fully pay for the shoes and let them change out of them after photos.

I mean, I definitely would not be happy if I were a bridesmaid and were told I needed to wear vans. If the dresses are long, they'd need to be hemmed to accommodate the vans, which means that they likely wouldn't be able to wear them again with heels. But if you will be purchasing all of the vans, then I do think you can get away with asking them to wear them.

View Quoted Comment Ditto to this!

What do the dresses look like? Maybe if they tried on the dress with the shoes, that would help. Typically bridesmaid dresses are going to cover most of the shoe anyway, so the “boat” appearance won’t be visible. Possibly show them pics too. But if you purchase the Vans, the debate is over.

Have you looked into the slimmer styles of Vans? The Authentic lace up is the first one that comes to mind. I wear Vans all the time with dresses, I’m 6ft tall and wear size 10s - my feet don’t look like boats in them. In SOME Vans, they absolutely do - but if they are in the right style, they will look great. I agree with PPs though, that if you are dictating which shoes to wear, you should pay for them


PS: I’m wearing Vans and so is FH on our wedding day.

In general the bride does get to choose what the bridesmaids wear and the bridesmaids arent really supposed to worry too much about how they look haha, but maybe if you explain to them about the height thing theyll be more receptive to it. It shouldnt be that big a deal for them to just wear the shoes

Are they wearing long or short dresses? If they’re long, I would just ask them to wear another pair of flats. I mean, you should be allowed to pick the shoes, they are being annoying about it lol, but personally I’d pick my battles if they are wearing long dresses you won’t see the shoes anyway and if they wear flats it won’t make them any taller.

View Quoted Comment Short dresses

The dresses are short and I wouldn't have a problem paying for them but considering that they are going to be spending about $200 total between the dresses & shoes, I don’t really think it’s unreasonable. It’s not even about the money for them.

If they won't ever wear the shoes again, it could be a little about money for them. Also maybe they do feel insecure about how they will look given that they are taller than you and likely have better feet. If I were your bridesmaid, I'd still suck it up. But I've backed off of some things I wanted because my bridesmaids told me they would genuinely feel insecure wearing them.

Maybe fit is a concern for some of your bridesmaids. Personally I have an extremely hard time finding shoes. My feet are wide and I don’t think Vans makes any wide width sizes.

View Quoted Comment It might not be unreasonable to you, but unless you personally asked each girl what their budget was then then you don't actually know. Even if it isn't about the money, they have expressed that they aren't comfortable with wearing vans which means they are never going to wear them again. I think it's one thing to ask that they wear a specific color shoe, but to specify a specific shoe is going too far. Everyone is comfortable in different shoes and if they aren't comfortable it will be painfully obvious. If you want them to wear vans, you should pay for them.

My girls and I are wearing Toms. They have long dresses but there is a slit, so you can kinda see their shoes.
My thought on it was, we are all teachers and need to be smart with what we buy. We can wear Toms to work so this is a multipurpose purchase. Theirs are navy, which will work well with a variety of work outfits. Mine, on the other hand are sunflower yellow. But we all talked about it and I wanted us all to be comfy and not in pain from heels. And no one was against it 🤷🏼‍♀️

View Quoted Comment

Completely agree with this

View Quoted Comment They have suggested wearing $150 cowboy boots instead. Which, by the way, they will never wear again either. It is absolutely not about the $, it’s about the fact that they don’t like the way they look. It is 100% vanity reasons, which since it’s my wedding, I think that should play a part, I think that’s why I am struggling with it. If it was a money issue, it would be an absolute no-brainer. I spent $1500 to be in one of the girls wedding (not complaining, just giving a point of reference) and have never worn the shoes she selected again(they’re gold & I don’t wear gold, ever). But it’s what she wanted, so I bought them, wore them & they’re sitting in my closet since that day.

Its your wedding!!!!!!!!!!!! They are there to support you! (And do what you say lol)

View Quoted Comment

I think a lot of brides feel like they can play dress up with their bridesmaids by telling them what to wear, how to wear their hair, nails, makeup, etc., but they aren't dolls that have no feelings or input. I don't agree with your friend that forced you to wear gold shoes, but I also don't agree with you forcing them to wear vans. Just like you've never wore the gold shoes again, your girls would never wear the vans again so why would you want to force them to wear them? I asked my girls to wear silver shoes. It could have been heels, flats, sandals, etc. I just wanted them to be comfortable. I never would have forced them to wear shoes they felt ugly in or weren't comfortable in. Silver shoes also can be worn over and over again so it wasn't like a requested shoes that they could never or would never want to wear again. I wore converses for my wedding, but I never wanted or expected my bridesmaids to wear them or even my husband. He choose to change into black converses during the reception. They were the first and only pair of converses he has ever worn, but it was 100% his choice. You obviously are going to do what you want, but you asked for advice and my advice is don't force them to purchase and wear shoes they are expressed no desire to wear or buy them yourself. Let them wear them for whatever special photos you want then let them change into something they like.

Would cowboy boots even go with your wedding aesthetic if you're already going for the vans look? They should support your decision since it's your wedding and you're the bride. IDK as a bridesmaid I was willing to do/wear whatever made the bride happy. Maybe ask them to wear it for the ceremony and formals and then give them the option to change for the reception?

Are you purchasing the Vans for them? If so, you can require that they wear them. If not, you can't really force them to wear shoes they don't want to wear...