She got a $10,000 bridesmaid dress

You gave her free reign to choose a dress, of course she was going to do the most obnoxious thing she could do. Definitely let the dress thing go - nothing you can do about that, but have FH deal with FMIL and FSIL from now on. Why did she say you were "ruining" the whole wedding besides making the comment about the dress? I would have put my foot down on the singing 100%. Are FIL's paying for the wedding? If so, you have a little less leeway with the guest list IMO. Don't waste your time trying to please FSIL but have FH deal with her. She sounds like a spoiled brat.

How do you know how much the dress cost?

Honestly, if the dress was strapless and had a solid front, I would probably buy it. For a reasonable price tho 😂 and I wouldn’t wear it to a wedding. Anyways -

• no one is going to know she’s wearing a $10K dress. It doesn’t look that expensive. If anything, she will look ridiculous and like she is trying to show up the bride and people will either feel sorry for her and think she’s crazy. My wedding dress cost $500 and was very simple. If my maid of honor wore that, she would have looked insane. She will not outshine you in that, no way.
• Stop agreeing to things just to avoid fighting. These people are about to become your family forever and you’re going to get the reputation that you’ll let them do whatever they want. No is a complete sentence.
• IMO - your FMIL crying and throwing a temper tantrum is completely childish and immature. But she got what she wanted. Total emotional manipulation. Again, you and your future spouse need to start putting your foot down. Someone in our family of a similar status tried to pull this on us during a recent visit and we told them they were being ridiculous and we wouldn’t tolerate it.
• Tell her no, she cannot sing a song (you have entertainment) and no, she cannot invite her friends (they can attend her wedding if she ever has one)
• if you’ve always had a bad relationship with her, why is she in your wedding party? Never feel obligated to cater to anyone you’ve had a bad relationship with.

I mean all this in the most empowering way possible. I used to (and still occasionally do) have a problem letting me emotions cloud my feelings and being a people pleaser.

OH MY GOD! 'YOU'RE RUINING THE WEDDING'?!?!

THIS IS DAY BELONGS TO YOU (THE BRIDE) AND YOUR FIANCE!

You too ARE the wedding! Talk to your husband to be. You two are about to pledge your lives to one another and you need to have each others' backs. Support one another.

His sister and his mother need to respect you and your wishes. YOU ARE THE MOTHER EFFING BRIDE!

Keep in mind your fiance chose you and you chose him. His family needs to respect his choice. He chose you for the rest of his life.

You and him are the wedding. You two are the ones making this life long commitment. There is no way you could ruin your own day.

Your sanity is priceless.

Well, it's a butt ugly dress, so...i mean you did tell her to get whatever she wanted so you're kinda stuck with that. It's pretty extra to go drop $10K on ANYTHING but it's her money so whatevs. Let her look the fool. It will be comedy for the rest of your friends & family.

Shut her down on the singing. Not happening. And you'd best let the DJ know that he is NOT to hand the mike over at any point, because I'd bet money (not $10K though) that she will try to go over your head and do it anyway.

Your FH needs to step up and run interference here, not pass the buck to you when he doesn't want to be the bad guy (with both FSIL and FMIL.) Good luck here. I hope you don't live in close proximity.

It's not about the dress. It's about your DF's reaction; is he defending you? Wanting you to cave to "keep the peace"? Talking about being "in the middle"? I second the suggestion of going to DWIL.

If she spent $250 on this dress would you be so upset? It's not the type of thing that will be recognized as an ultra expensive gown by the majority of your guests anyways, and it doesn't look "bride-ish" in any way. Frankly I would feel comfortable wearing this as a mere guest. I get being offended by all the other nonsense going on, but I don't see how you can fault her or MIL for this. Am I now supposed to do a price check on my shoes, bag and gown before I attend another woman's wedding? If it's "rude" to spend a lot of money on formal wear, in case you've spent more on your clothes than the bride has, then I guess I'll have to only attend weddings where everyone makes as much or more money than myself now.

But even that wouldn't work, because plenty of rich people are very frugal, and plenty of non-rich people are very spendy, and have tons of maxed out cards or are renting/leasing designer everything to make an impression.

Stand up for yourself on the song and the guests-but don't let a few yards of fabric be the final battle call.

Lol. Yeah. Now that I saw a picture of the dress I say let it go. She will look ridiculous and no one will guess that it cost 10k. Stand firm on the singing a song thing! Sounds like she just wants to make your wedding about her 🙄

She seriously is trying to take the spotlight away from you. If you let her, your wedding will no longer be yours.

WOW this is quite a response. Thanks for all the advice!

The consensus seems to be to let it go, and I will try to do that. (I think I just needed a good vent). This whole thing will inform how I deal with MIL and SIL going forward.

Good luck with your own wedding plans, all!

How outrageous! I think SIL is the diva and everyone will know it too. People like that are always the ones who end up looking stupid.

Omg just saw the dress!!!!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣 she’s going to look ridiculous!

however, agree with other posters that FH needs to run interference with this craziness from now on or she’s going to cause drama at every turn.

View Quoted Comment It's actually really ugly in my opinion. I bet she only bought it so she could brag about the price.

Keep in mind that being too conflict avoidant will have relationship ramifications in the future, even just between you and your fiance.

Aside from this, you may want to consider some individual counselling to learn better ways to manage conflict. I promise you this will pay off in spades.

I can't lie - I didn't read everything but I do just have to say that that dress does NOT look like it is worth 10k. Even a little bit.

View Quoted Comment

I get along really very well with my sister in law but she is ULTRA competitive in a similar way with us. It's bizarre to me since it's a competition we will literally never win (her husband makes easily over $350k a year) but it takes really odd forms sometimes. It's helpful to know I have the support of my husband when she makes something an issue between her and I. I would never insert myself in a "it's me or her" way because I love her and understand this is his family however I do think it's important that he supports me when this comes up. Just an aside for life moving forward if this is how his family acts most of the time.

That dress is horrible! Are you having a black tie wedding? She is going to look stupid in it 😂. I’m sorry you have to deal with someone like that. I hope you put your foot down with her. I still can’t believe that dress cost that much!

You are better than me!! she can wear her 10000$ dress (i saw the pic, its not worth the $&dollar but as far as ur MIL crying like a brat to her son about YOU ruining YOUR OWN wedding ?!?! you shouldnt have to cater or budge on anything its YOUR wedding!!! singing a song at the reception? absolutely not. inviting her friends to your wedding? nope, she can invite them to hers! no i do NOT think u are being a diva or a zilla.. i think that is exactly what SHE is being. not sure if shes married or not but if not, maybe your wedding is the closest she ll ever get to having her own!

#forgetthatattentionwhore #thatdressisamess #sorryimnotsorry

It’s YOUR day when she decided to become apart she should have felt that way as well that’s a big line to cross #imAbridezilla 😩

That dress is NOT worth 10K that is stupid