Sex, birth control, pregnancy, babies, for the engaged couple

Well I don't have an answer for the first one, as we are both decidedly non-religious.

But as for the second one: yeah, we just use birth control. I was on the Depo Provera shot for 3 1/2 years and am now on the Ashlyna pill. We are less active than we were 5 years ago, but are still active fairly often. The only scare we had was when I had JUST started birth control and a condom broke (we were using back up methods for a few weeks to be sure the BC kicked in). Turned out all of the symptoms of early pregnancy I was experiencing were also side effects of starting the birth control.

Good luck with this post

I’m sorry you don’t feel comfortable enough to post as yourself

Have you two tried counseling for these issues?

Yes I am religious and we are sleeping together and no I don’t feel guilty. It’s an important part of our lives that makes us even more united. I used to try to wait til marriage but when I got a little older I realized how important it was to make sure that part was going to work before I committed my life to someone. But that is just my choice I can understand others’ perspective against it.

Secondly, we use bc only and I’ve prob had about 3 scares in 4 years due to nausea, swollen breasts, and a missed period that was from exercise. But I made that choice because I felt comfortable moving forward and having a baby with him. We are financially stable and in love and i hope I get pregnant after the wedding but if it happens it happens.

So now you know my tmi. I hope everything goes well for you. these are really hard topics to deal with for any couple.

My fiance and I are both christian. We have lived together for 5 years and ofcourse sleep together and have no guilt. We both live Godly lives. As for the birth control, I don't use any. I track my cycle and don't have sex during that fertile time at least until after the wedding.

We’re not religious so I can’t really answer that question
But I’m on birth control (I have and iud) and we’ve had a few scares, but that’s because my period has never been regular and I have anxiety about these things.
I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, I know it’s hard, with all these outside forces nitpicking everything. I’ll be thinking of you, I hope you find what’s best for you.

Hi Anonymous! Here’s just a couple opinions of mine. Please keep in mind my opinion isn’t “right or wrong”, and all your feelings that you have are 100% valid. I hope this helps, even if just a tiny bit!

1.) I am religious. I don’t go to church, but I love the Lord and do my best to pray. My fiancé believes there’s a higher power but isn’t exactly religious. In my personal opinion (again, not saying it’s right or wrong) I don’t have any guilt sleeping with my fiancé. I take comfort that my love and faith is more than enough.

2.) this is a very good question. Currently I am on the pill, and we use condoms half the time. He does pull out, however I wouldn’t be concerned if he didn’t. As long as you take your pills every day or when you need to them you should be fine. They’re just as effective as condoms (I think...). My suggestion would be if you’re worried about having scares, talk with the doctor that subscribes you the pill. Ask the likelyhood of pregnancy and any advice they may have. But also talk with your fiancé if you’re having any worries if he doesn’t pull out or whatever.

I truly wish you the best of luck!

Hello, I cannot answer question one for you however question 2 I can say meet my girls also known as the pill with condoms and my son also known as the mini pill while breast feeding I was on the pill quiet a while but it was only a few times into being intimate that I got pregnant with my girls and the second time after giving birth to my girls that I got pregnant with my son.

Hello!
1) I was raised Catholic and was always told that having sex before marriage is wrong. When I was in elementary/middle school the pediatrician always recommended I get the HPV shot. My mom always said no because that could promote having a sexual lifestyle. In high school my period cramps were AWFUL. I would ask my mom if I could go on birth control. She said no and it’ll get better after I get married and have kids. Thanks 🙄 my FH and I have been together since our senior year of high school. When we first had sex after we graduated I did feel a little guilty. That was 6 years ago. I 100% don’t feel guilty anymore. We’re both good people, why should be feel bad?

2) we’ve been using no condoms for a while, occasionally no pull out. I’ve missed my cycle a few times, but I also did that in the past while on the pill and us using condoms+pull out. I take tests, and each time I’m fine. I haven’t had any true true scares though!

1) My husband and I are both Methodist, my husband is in seminary and we go to church regularly (so we consider ourselves very religious), and we lived together before getting married and have been sexually active our entire relationship. I personally don't believe that pre-marital sex is a sin (even outside of a committed relationship). I believe a sin is something that breaks your relationship with God and with others, so if you have sex in a harmful way, then its a sin. AND it's possible to have sex in a harmful way even when you're married.

2) I've been on BC for 10+ years but never the Pill. I was on the patch and now am on NuvaRing. I LOVE it. I've never had a pregnancy scare and I never used condoms with partners once we both get tested for STDs. My husband and I have sex about twice a week. Planned Parenthood has some GREAT resources on its website about BC options. There's a lot more on the market now besides the Pill (the Ring, shot, implant, IUD, etc).

Hey i pray that the two of work through your feelings . We are both religious i practice as a Military chaplain and have for 15 years since my late husband was in the service. When i married my late husband i was on the 💊 we did not sleep together til marriage , i stayed on the 💊 til we were ready for a family. After my last birth of twins w him 2010 i did nexplanon , til 2015 due to health issues FH have slept together it was our first new years night i wouldnt take it back 57 yrs old. We have a set of beautiful twins. God knows whats in your heart

View Quoted Comment That’s funny and beautiful kids!

I'm sorry that you seem to be conflicted about things (at least that's how I read it).

My fiancé and I are both practicing Catholics, and while we consider ourselves religious, we aren’t in line with every one of the Church’s teachings, which is sometimes a struggle. We do have sex, and in fact we moved in together a few months ago—financially speaking, where we are in our lives now, living together just makes a lot of sense, and it has helped us to get to know each other a lot better and to grow much, much closer.

I’ve been on the Pill for several years (it’s Ortho Tricyclen if that’s any help). Originally I was on it for problems with my period. Before we started living together we usually used condoms to be extra safe, but ever since we moved in together we are now using just the Pill. We’ve had no pregnancy scares either before or after quitting the condoms (though I have been a bit nervous about it since we quit using them). Before moving in together, we slept together a couple of times a month, and now it’s maybe two to four times a week.

As you may know, the Catholic Church frowns on birth control, but for me this is a matter of health, responsibility, and conscience. Oddly enough, FI struggles a little more with it than I do and has admitted that the fact that I use the Pill bothers him a little (though not enough for us to change anything). Mainly it’s because he’s eager to start a family, but we’re just not in a position to until after the wedding, and for me the Pill is also a health issue (those horrible periods, anemia, etc.) and not just contraception, which he understands. So we’re waiting until after the honeymoon to revisit the issue of when to start making babies and how many to make.

I hope this information is of some help. Best of luck!

Me and my FH aren't very religious and we have a very active sex life. I'm on Sprintec and have been using it for about 3 years. Because I take the pill religiously and never miss one we haven't really had a scare. Even if we did it would be ok. We're financially stable and have been together over 5 years. The main reason I'm still on the pill is so we can continue saving and two we enjoy it just being us.

We are not very religious, and we do sleep together. He is the only man I have ever been with. I never wanted to wait till marriage to do it, but I did want to wait until I was ready and he was very respectful and patient.

I have been on birth control for a few years now and so far have had only 1 scare, we are not ready to have children yet but we would be happy if it happened by accident.

I decided that it would be in our best interest to wait one year after we are married to stop the birth control and let God decide.

My FH and I are waiting till marriage. We are both religious, have had horrible experiences with exes and just wanted to make sure we had something that went beyond sex. It has been extremely hard but we have stuck with it. I have feelings of guilt because I’m not giving my FH satisfaction in that area but we are attempting to stick it out and accomplish what we set to do. I recently spoke with my gyn to start some form of bc. I have terrible periods and also my body has weird reactions to medicines so I want to have a year or so to test the bc out.

I have had a very good experience with Nuva Ring. No side effects, like weight gain, easy to keep track of when/how to use it. No problems with it for over 4 years

You shouldnt feel guilty about sex. Religious or not. It is a very natural thing. And if you are religious (I am and had premartial sex and love to talk about, use, and prescribe all types of contraception) maybe you should talk with someone at your church about your feelings.

https://www.bedsider.org is a really great site for no biased truthful contraception info vs crowdsourcing on a wedding forum. Nothing is 100%. The closest things to 100% are nexplanon and IUDs (both which are awesome imo) pills, ring, patch, are then next successfully. Condoms are only 75% pulling out is like 50% or something laughable.

It is very sad you arent comfortable enough to talk about these very important issues and really highlights bigger issues about the questions you asked.

1. I believe in God and consider myself a Christian, but I've never been super strict. My fiance is also Christian. We both pray often, go to church (more on holidays than anything else), plan on raising our children Christian, and celebrate Christian holidays. I don't feel any guilt for sleeping with my fiance, it hasn't altered my relationship with God.

2. I am on birth control pills. I was on the Depo shot for awhile, it did awful things to my body and I'll never do it again. I think most people have pregnancy scares, but for us if we got pregnant it would be okay and a blessing (regardless if it's before our wedding) so we aren't super concerned.

Hey girlfriend, I just want to say thank you for posting this question. It’s a tough one, for many reasons. Firstly, it’s important to note how brave you are, and second, let’s discuss the “guilt.” You are asking this for a very real, very critical reason, because God is speaking to you. It’s easy to justify and rationalize having premarital sex and not feeling bad about it for any number of reasons, but the truth of the matter is, that would be wrong. It is a deadly sin, something that the majority of people, religious or not, do not want to accept. It is very clear given the comments on this thread, how misguided we are as a population about this topic. God is a just God, which means he forgives when it is asked for. But he doesn’t automatically forgive us just because we think he will. No. He forgives us with grace if and when we ask for it with repentance and then abide by the scriptures, and “sin no more.” Jesus didn’t preach to people that just because they’re loved and have grace as an option that means they should just do whatever they want and continue to live by their vices because “in the end God will forgive me.” Nope, he most certainly did not. So whatever person or pastor is spreading that, is most certainly enraging God, because after all, He is just. It may seem harsh to many people, but may I remind you that the truth does not care about your feelings, and the truth doesn’t change just because you “feel” it should or you “feel” like God is a certain way, etc. Your feelings don’t really count here, not when it comes to discerning the truth. I will just leave you with this, if you are struggling with feelings of guilt, or questioning the rationality of something, pray about it, seek guidance from a priest, dig into the Word, and please don’t listen to people that say otherwise because they are incredibly mislead and cannot lead you to the path of righteousness. God bless you sister.

What terrible theology. These beliefs represent merely one expression of Christianity. Other denominations (mine- United Methodist in particular) believe the God's grace is freely given to everyone; we don't do anything to receive it, we can't do anything to receive and God loves us regardless of our actions. Methodist believe we are called to live a certain way in response to God's grace freely given. We ask for forgiveness and repent our sins to put ourselves right with God and right with one another, not to receive grace. Nor do United Methodists believe in deadly sin or rank sins according to how "bad" they are.

I also know however that I do not know God's mind or thoughts nor would I ever pretend to. So I have my beliefs about what a sin is, and maybe I'm wrong, maybe a sin is exactly what you describe, and b/c I don't repent for it, I'll go to hell. BUT I do not KNOW that b/c I do not KNOW the mind of God. I firmly believe that God hates a lot of what he sees happening our world, but I don't think premarital sex is God's biggest concern.