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Jordan
Beginner December 2020

Serious Question...

Jordan, on August 7, 2019 at 10:38 AM

Posted in Etiquette and Advice 29

Hey guys. So, we are having a very serious discussion about the expense of the wedding we want. We have down sized and cheapened just about every possible aspect but because of the size of our families, it’s still fairly large. Neither of us really even care at this point about the wedding itself....
Hey guys. So, we are having a very serious discussion about the expense of the wedding we want. We have down sized and cheapened just about every possible aspect but because of the size of our families, it’s still fairly large. Neither of us really even care at this point about the wedding itself. However, our families “want to see us get married” and would hate us if we eloped. With that said, no family members are contributing to the cost of this - we are fully paying for this ourselves. Of course I would love to have the story book wedding but it’s so much stress, time, and money that could be better spent building the house we’re going to live in or taking a wonderful trip together to make memories. Has anyone dealt with this and actually went through with just eloping? Do you regret it? Does your family hate you? I’m thinking if we elope, we still get dressed up and have a photographer go with us to capture our special moment to share with friends and family and possibly having a dutch dinner/party when we get home? Any advice is appreciated!
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29 Comments

  • Florida Marlins
    Expert October 2017
    Florida Marlins ·
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    You are on an Advice thread, so here goes: Stop discussing your wedding with anyone who is not paying for it. It leads people to believe their opinion matters when it doesn't. It also sounds (and forgive me if I am wrong) that you are looking for too much approval from your parents. I am a parent and I could never hate my kids for eloping, ever. Your family is not obligated to put in any money, actually. A wedding is a life event that you choose. Other ways to cut costs are: No programs, no favors, very small if no bridal party. All you really need is an officiant, bride, and groom. If you have guests you will need good food and drink - no one will care about your centerpieces, your dress( they WILL remember you looked beautiful and happy!!), none of that.

    Have you thought of a small family only wedding followed by a dinner in a private dining area of a favorite restaurant? We had an 11am ceremony followed by an awesome lunch buffet for 50 people, no dancing. It was budget friendly and lovely.

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  • K
    Dedicated November 2019
    Kiki ·
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    Honestly, if you already feel this way I would save the money. You could save it and use it for starting your lives together. Though I think family is very important they aren't the ones paying for your wedding. I would maybe have a nice dinner with immediate family. Will they be mad? sure but, you wont be in debt for something you dont care to much about already. The most important thing is that you're married.

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  • Sarah
    Devoted November 2021
    Sarah ·
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    Girl, elope!! If that's what you and your FH want then go for it!
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  • Sarah
    Devoted November 2021
    Sarah ·
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    Plus, an elopement is 100% more romantic if your families don't want you to elope.
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  • Kristin
    Devoted October 2020
    Kristin ·
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    I completely know what you're going through. FH and I decided to do a smaller wedding and keep it simple but it still adds up fast! Especially in Southern CA. We're very fortunate that our families are helping but it's still hard to spend SO much money for one day (or in our case 2). Not to mention the stress of planning which I'm mostly doing myself.

    I've thrown the eloping out there a few times but my FH wants my dad to walk me down the aisle and wants our families there, which is really all that will be at our 30 person wedding.

    My advice is do what you and your FH want and what is best to start your future. Your families certainly aren't going to hate you. And if they try to guilt you, remind them that you're funding it yourself and don't want to start your life together off in debt.

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  • S
    Savvy August 2021
    Sara ·
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    Personally I would recommend a small wedding at the house or near the court house so the family is there to witness it. No need for all the decor but make it simple and have a bbq at the house that way everyone can see it happen without the huge coats involved
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  • P
    Just Said Yes September 2020
    Paige ·
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    Without reading ALL of the replies/comments. I've eloped before and my family hated me for it for a while, some didnt know because a family member decided to pay for the whole wedding a month after the elopement. My suggestion, if you do decide to please everyone (since ive read articles on how people kept costs down for weddings), do a ceremony at a state park. most pavilions are free to rent for the day or around $100 for a nice one, ask a local church for chairs, or ask everyone bring their own camping chair. buy an arch, do the whole ceremony there. if they wanna drink after? guess what... go to a bar! or to keep costs down, have a morning/afternoon wedding, and then plan to have finger foods afterwards. i think any type of dinner, and night time reception always calls for expensive food and alcohol. avoid all that and do something during the day. when it comes down to it all, they arent paying for it, you are. either do what you can AFFORD with everyone attending, or elope and do something beautiful without it costing an arm and a leg.

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  • Cristina
    Devoted December 2021
    Cristina ·
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    I ended up eloping the first time I got married. My family wasn't very happy about it. This time around we are having an actual wedding. Almost 95% of our guest list is out of state so we are counting on a lot of people not being able to come. Seeing as our guest list is almost double what our budget allows(80% of the list is family) we are ok with people not being able to make it. Unfortunately it's a tight spot to be in. I'd say if you're not super close to everyone maybe try and trim the guest list. If family gets upset explain to them that you and your FH are paying for it and unless they want to cover the cost per head great aunt Sylvie didn't make the list( total example). I had issues where family kept adding to my guest list of "who I had to invite" they weren't paying for anything. Even now we are paying for it all so we are dictating who makes the list. Not everyone will be inviting unfortunately. Good luck!
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  • Candice
    Devoted July 2020
    Candice ·
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    I completely relate. I wanted a small wedding but my family insists upon like fifty guests from their side being invited and we wanted a couple friends there too. So now we have a close to a hundred invited guests on a shoe string budget. It's annoying. I'm the last of my siblings to get married and they all had elopements besides my oldest sister. She was a bridezilla and arguably made everyone angrier with her big white wedding than if she just eloped. I should have put my foot down and got the venue I wanted and cut the guest list but I didn't so now I'm locked into a big venue and lots of invites. I'm honestly praying a bunch of people RSVP no.

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