Sent too many save-the-dates!

This goes against any kind of etiquette and might be a bad suggestion, but I think you just need to not send invites to some of those friends...or call them and let them know what happen. I wouldn't loose 3 grand over this.

Keep in mind that the normal rate of declines is 15-20 %. Our venue holds 200, we invited 220! In the end we are having 160 (this includes children). With so many out of town you might be ok. I wouldn't risk loosing $3000 over it.

Thanks Kirsten and Jenn, I want to just cross my fingers and hope it works out, but I'm not even sure what the worst case scenario is. Too cramped yes, but would a fire marshall ever shut the event down too? Not sure

You're talking fire codes and a possible loss of 3000. sticky situation.

before I'd just not send some of these people a invite, I'd see about explaining to them what happened.If I was one of those people I'd be a lot more understanding to getting a explanation then just not getting a invite. some people may show up anyway!

out of those that you are looking to not invite, they may have been a rvsp of no anyhow. I'd get on the phone and explain. of a good amount can't come anyhow, you have not have as big of worry as you imagine.

good luck!

I agree with all of the above... I would rather risk lose "not-so-close friends" than 3 grand!

Damn! definitely do not let that 3k go to waste. i agree with the suggestions above.

I'm also going to agree with the other ladies have said! 3 grand is a lot to just throw away. Either make the event adults only so that everyone who was a sent an STD still gets the invite, or explain to some of those friends that you aren't close to that you'd love to have them at your wedding, but FMIL didn't give you the full family guest list when you sent out the STDs, and sadly you won't be able to invite them.

Sit down with both sets of parents and go over the list. Get their best guesses to how many of the guests may actually attend. I agree with the suggestion of not inviting kids. Also, don't give any plus ones to your single guests. You have got to get the final count down to 225. Yes, the fire marshal can shut you down. Yes, you can be liable for any injuries if you exceed the count. Read your contract. Ask your venue for suggestions -- do they have another room, can they set up tables outside, etc.

Good thing these are save the dates and not actual invitations you sent out. It's okay....just be honest. Explain to them what you just explained to us. If that happened to me, I would be fine with the bride explaining to me what happened. I might be a little disappointed, but not mad or offended. I would be upset though if I got a save the date, then no invitation or explanation after as to why I wasn't invited. That would be rude. Also, don't throw away your $3000 unless you won't feel it at all. Good luck!

Eesh. I agree with Nancy T.--cut out all kids and plus ones, see where that puts you. If you're still way over, see how many people you would have to cut. But it sounds like you're going to have to cut quite a few people. Some may be not so close friends, but you're going to have to weigh pissing some people off vs. losing your deposit. If you're okay losing some friends over this (sorry, just trying to be honest--there are people out there who get really upset over things like this), then cut them.

Sorry folks, but if you send a save-the-date, you have to invite that person to the wedding. That's not hoity-toity old-fashioned etiquette, it's basic decency. A STD is you giving your word that an invite is coming, retracting it is you going back on a promise. It shows poor character.

I agree with Nancy's advice - sit down with both sets of parents and ask about who will realistically come. And then talk to the venue about alternatives if you go over. And if anyone has to come off the list, FH should be the one to deal with that since it was his screwup.

Yikes! I agree with everyone else it's not worth losing 3k over. Keep your invite list at 250. That still leaves room for "No" RSVP's and you should be in the clear.

I know this is a huge no-no in etiquetteland, but maybe in this case you could have a B-list for invites. Once you get back more than 25 "No" RSVPs, then maybe you can start inviting people who were originally cut from the list.

Erin brings up a great point. I usually go ahead and book my travel when I get the STD. If my invite was rescinded, I would be furious because most of that is nonrefundable. I'd be tempted to send the couple a bill.

There is no way I would throw out $3k so I would break etiquette and either: not send out the save the dates to those that were forgotten, but wait until invitations to go out to people who DID get save the dates and wait for declines to start coming in before you sent out invitations to the forgottens. OR You could send out the extra save the dates and then have your not-so-close friends "accidentally" not receive invitations. If they ask about it, say it got lost in the mail and give them another but honestly I don't think many of your not-so-close friends would. If I got a STD but not an invitation I would just assume that my invite got lost in the mail and if I didn't really want to go to the wedding anyways I wouldn't even say anything to the couple....JUST SAYIN'. Lol

I would be MUCH more offended if I got a phone call after receiving a STD from a bride saying it was an accident and I'm not actually invited. I would consider that friendship over IMMEDIATELY.

Cut out plus ones will help a lot. Plus if you invited some not so close friends, they might not want to come anyway. I wouldn't panic too much until you start getting RSVP's back. Then if it looks like you're going to be over 225, then panic.

Erin is right...to cut the cost I would eliminate ALL kids under a certain age. If they were coming from out of state with their parents you still have plenty of time to let the parents know that they will need a sitter that night and offer to help them find one (if you have to, blame the printer for leaving that line off the invites and that you just caught it).

Second, if that still not enough, be rude...eliminate those "not so close" friends. If they aren't close, they don't need to be there. Ask yourself if you can see your FH and you hanging out with them in five years. If the answer is no then renig your invite. If you havent talked to them in over a year, renig the invite. You're going to piss some people off and ruffle feathers but if you haven't talked to them in a while its worth it, I think, to not loose $3k when you probably wont be talking to them after your wedding.

I would suggest to casually ask any OOTs that you are thinking about cutting if they had made travel arrangements yet. If they have then just leave them on the list, but if they havent then let them know. They may not have been planning on going anyway or be relieved not to have to spend the money

Just start being rude to people, and then they won't want to come.

I hadn't thought about cutting kids & plus 1's....DO THAT FIRST! Lol

I would also go over the list with both sets of parents first. If you have a lot of out of town guests, maybe you will have more people who won't say yes. Talk to the venue. Do they have any additional rooms? Even if you hired someone to be with the kids, they could perhaps have a room to themselves and ease up the # in the main room. What about a tent? Is it possible?